feeling attacked when hearing your name

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Aimless
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19 Oct 2010, 10:10 am

Usually when people do it to me other than to get my attention, they are being condescending like they are talking to a child.



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19 Oct 2010, 10:31 am

It always feels weird or uncomfortable, as it also does for me to use anyone else' name in talking with them. Nothing to do with feeling accused of anything; just a weird or invalidated, or embarrassing feeling that it causes.

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19 Oct 2010, 10:48 am

I don't like to hear my name, because when I was bullied at school many years ago, kids used to call my name and say ugly things about me or tease me. So I have bad memories about hearing my name.

I also don't like when people repeat my name like Hey, Valoy! Read this, Valoy! Valoy, did you know that...? Tell us your opinion, Valoy - hey, I remember my name, really!


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19 Oct 2010, 10:58 am

I've been told that people are tought to use another's name in order to demonstrate command or control. This is why, when you get phone calls from bill collectors and other companies, they will often use your name as much as possible - they are trained to do it, in order to intimidate and demonstrate power.

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Ancient Egyptians associated the name with the soul. It was believed that knowledge of a god or spirit’s name gave one complete power over that deity, and knowledge of a man’s name provided the power to do that man good or ill. A person could not exist without his name.

In ancient China, as in ancient Egypt, the name was considered to have enormous personal power, and for that reason, it was forbidden to speak the name of the emperor.



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19 Oct 2010, 11:17 am

OddFiction wrote:
I've been told that people are tought to use another's name in order to demonstrate command or control. This is why, when you get phone calls from bill collectors and other companies, they will often use your name as much as possible - they are trained to do it, in order to intimidate and demonstrate power.

Quote:
Ancient Egyptians associated the name with the soul. It was believed that knowledge of a god or spirit’s name gave one complete power over that deity, and knowledge of a man’s name provided the power to do that man good or ill. A person could not exist without his name.

In ancient China, as in ancient Egypt, the name was considered to have enormous personal power, and for that reason, it was forbidden to speak the name of the emperor.


oh the part about intimidating and demonstrating power seems about right to me. Everytime someone i barely know does this, even if they use my last name then ( my son's teacher saying: your son's behaviour, mrs X, is bla bla)
i do feel they are trying to seem superior to me in some obscure way i don't get. superior in what? in rank . i don't do ranks, that's why i don't get it and just feel generally insulted and want to strike back in a very short tone. mhh i am starting to see more clearly through this all!! thanks so much :)



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19 Oct 2010, 11:18 am

It does not go to the point I feel "attacked". But it certainly raise my awareness at the highest point :)


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19 Oct 2010, 11:58 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I feel very uncomfortable when I hear my own name. It brings back memories of getting into trouble. People call me by my nick name, quite a bit.


Well that's interesting, I don't mind being called by any of my nicknames. Perhaps because, unlike my own name, they symbolize something that's important to me but is not a part of me per se, so I don't feel threatened.



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19 Oct 2010, 1:42 pm

I feel like they are manipulating me by trying to force a connection.

Only one person could ever use my name in conversation without having that effect on me.


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19 Oct 2010, 1:48 pm

well that's one lucky person! my sister and i are the same. if she uses my name i'll say "stop saying my name, jesus!!"because she knows how it feels. but others...i never know how to react, if they are indeed trying to manipulate me into feeling closer to them, trying to intimidate me into submission, or just being plain rude. i mean, when you say someone's name, you feel it in your mouth....you can't just say it accidentally! it's obviously on purpose. still working on the purpose though....



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19 Oct 2010, 2:36 pm

I just think its weird for when two people are alone to call each other by name. Uh... who else are you talking to?

That said, I hate my name and don't like to be called it.


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19 Oct 2010, 3:59 pm

When people call me by my real name, I feel like they either want something from me or that I'm in trouble. If they call me by my nickname, I feel less threatened. :)



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19 Oct 2010, 4:08 pm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win ... nce_People

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Remember that a person's name is, to him or her, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Seems NTs feel differently about it :?



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19 Oct 2010, 4:35 pm

interesting....
I'm the complete opposite. I find it to be a turn-on :lol:


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19 Oct 2010, 4:48 pm

I don't mind my name being called but online when people say my name rather than Calico or Spokane or other names I am going by on a forum, it's something not good. It feels weird.

I don't ever call people by their names online either, only by their alias. I feel uncomfortable addressing people by their name. It feels like I don't know how to describe it. Weird?

But I prefer to go by my nickname but my supervisor keeps calling me by my real name. It feels weird. I think it's because I am not used to being called by my real name and I grew up being called Beth. I get called by my real name when mom be mad at me or when I be in trouble. Now today it doesn't mean that anymore because they call me what name I put on the application. I also feel like another person than me. But I have gone by other names growing up but it was mostly Beth.



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19 Oct 2010, 4:54 pm

I understand your question. I think when people say it to me I feel a little bit of hightened sensation to what they are saying. So I wonder if people use it to ensure you are listening to them? I have used it too with people but never sure why.
Maybe its just an mannerism that we have learnt to use over our time we have spent learning to talk and communicate. I also have been told that if you use someones name when you are talking to them then it means you like them????? So I don't think that would tally with your way of using it in anger. Who knows why they say anything they say.



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19 Oct 2010, 5:08 pm

Attacked is too strong of a word, but I definitely have a reaction to people saying my name. Supposedly saying someone's name while you're talking to them is a good thing, but most of the people I talk to don't do that. So when it happens it's kind of weird and unexpected. Maybe if I had a more common name I'd be kind of desensitized to hearing it.