Anyone else feel embarrassed/ashamed after a meltdown?
it's the same for me,i'm really cold and really i don't feel emotions and people tend to make me notice me about how cold and insensitive i am and that doesn't bother me,but the fact that sometimes i can't control my anger and frustration turning into tears really makes me mad because it makes me look like a child and people would suspect that i'm cold but with deeper issues inside me where there's nothing wrong in my life,it's just my natural reaction to anger and frustration,btw i can't blame them because no one think that i have autism,they know that i am strange and they tell me but not to this point.
Same here. I have meltdowns on a regular basis, a couple of times a day especially at work. I ALWAYS feel embarrassed and pray to God that no one saw me acting out and self-harming. Ugh... the self-harming... These meltdowns always involve extreme anger and frustration due to over-stimulation. I always feel like I've brought down my family, even though my family isn't around. Also I feel so ashamed that I could not control myself nor the terrible thoughts that I have during these uncontrollable fits of crazy-person rage and self-harm.
Sometimes, very rarely, I can actually go a whole day without a meltdown and I've always so thankful to Jesus that I had a "good day". And as we all know, a "good day" for an Aspie is a far more weighty, lengthy and meaningful event than for an NT.
My meltdowns came to a head in 2010 when I was 34, and I experienced a myocardial infarction (heart attack) due to a panic attack after the meltdown I had the previous night. Panic attacks and meltdowns have been a regular problem for me since I was very young. I'm 42 now. I started taking Rimeron aka Mirtazapine, as a stop-gap measure but had to stop because I keep getting fired from my jobs thanks to meltdowns and I can't maintain a proper medical drug plan. I'm not sure how long I can maintain my sanity without proper drug assistance.
My worst meltdowns occur when I hear a crying child. This will cause an EXTREME reaction. I will immediately display utter anguish and pain on my face, I will start crying like a baby, I will cover my ears with my hands and make a noise with my voice to block the sound, and I will enter bolt mode and exit the area. This is a very traumatic event for me, I will be upset for several hours afterwards and, I will think about it several days later and re-live the experience all over again. Because of this, I usually become anxious whenever children enter my area within approx. 30 feet.
Thank-you all here for sharing your embarrassment and shame after meltdowns as I feel those emotions very strongly too.
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*** High Functioning Autism - Asperger's Syndrome ***
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it's the same for me,i'm really cold and really i don't feel emotions and people tend to make me notice me about how cold and insensitive i am and that doesn't bother me,but the fact that sometimes i can't control my anger and frustration turning into tears really makes me mad because it makes me look like a child and people would suspect that i'm cold but with deeper issues inside me where there's nothing wrong in my life,it's just my natural reaction to anger and frustration,btw i can't blame them because no one think that i have autism,they know that i am strange and they tell me but not to this point.
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I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup or by email at [email protected]
dragonsanddemons
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I do, especially if it's for a reason that most people would find trivial. Fortunately I can often hold it off until it turns into a shutdown instead, which it seems like people don't even notice because I'm usually so quiet and withdrawn anyway. I really hate when I get the crying kind, which I can't hold off, in front of others - it draws attention I don't want and makes me look weak and fragile, which is the opposite of how I want people to treat me.
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-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
Yes to all this. I mostly manage to hold off or shift things into a shutdown, but the times I've lost it with witnesses I always hate it. One of my triggers is something most people find outright stupid, but it's situation-specific enough for the most part it only happens if people who already know about it are around.
Dear_one
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Although I have panic meltdowns on occasion I wouldn't really call what I get meltdowns as much as I would call them episodes I guess. Basically when I get put in a stressful situation I get really nauseous and wretch. I am extremely loud when this happens and I am both ashamed and embarrassed. Part of the reason I suffer from depression is because of how I react to anxiety. I had to take college classes online because I couldn't leave the house, even now that I have graduated college I still can't leave the house and I have no clue how I am going to find a job or make any kind of money when I can't go outside without vomiting.
Dear_one
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One approach would be to go outside by first opening the door and looking at it several times, and then venturing out a few paces, etc. A companion can help a lot if you have someone available. It is called progressive desensitization. One guy who had been homeless most of his life got into a panic when given a room of his own.
The other route is to work from home. One fellow I know repairs brass musical instruments and is doing fine, with a waiting list. If he wanted, he could do it all by mail and only deal with one music store clerk. If you answer an ad for "work from home" it will be piecework that will only pay minimum wage if you can mechanize it yourself. It might also be a total scam - don't pay for anything up front.
Dear_one
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That's why I recommend self-employment. If you can do the work, you are qualified, and if you are in charge, you can sometimes make a comfortable living.
Since I've been taking Sertraline I haven't had the meltdowns I used to have. When I used to have them, I would get so angry with myself, that I would hit myself in the face and head, as a way of ''punishing'' my brain for being wired this way. Also I would scream abuse at my family, and this understandably upset them. I felt like I was a crazy woman, and I didn't want my family to see me this way. Also the neighbours most probably heard me shouting, because my voice tends to carry when I'm frustrated, so that was embarrassing as well.
Having a panic attack and crying or perhaps arguing with family is not as embarrassing, as this goes on in most households, and a lot of non-Aspies have panic attacks, so I don't feel embarrassed about those either. I don't rock back and forth or go mute when having one of my panic attacks, I just struggle with breathing and verbally tell others how I'm feeling. Comfort from others helps me overcome my panic attacks the most, but being alone during a panic attack is horrible.
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