What's the big deal about weddings?

Post Reply New Topic

I've never been one to dream of getting a white dress and walking down the isle with lots of guests whitnessing. I don't understand what is so great about weddings TBH. Lots of noise, pretending to smile at everyone, spending weeks and months preparing, spending TONS of money, etc, all to impress other people. I'd much rather elope quitely or do what my Greman friend did. She and her boyfriend drove to a small village in Denmark and registered their intent to be husband and wife there. No wedding, no family, no spending. They are very happy together.

Do you feel the same way, or is a big wedding a must for you?

tradition is very much apprechiated in human culture. if i ever fell in love with anyone, i wouldnt need to get married to prove my love for them, because they would know by my actions that i loved them

I never got the attraction either. I think most people relish the thought of a day when all attention is focused on them. I can think of nothing more unpleasant.

When I got married about 10 years ago (divorced now), I wanted what you want. My ex-wife wanted what you don't want. So, we compromised. We had a traditional Catholic wedding mass and a small-ish (50 people?) party at a very nice restaurant afterwards. The only way I got through it -- like I did most things -- was by drinking a lot (recovering alcoholic now). At that point in my life, I was so self-conscious that even 5, let alone 50, people there would have made me pretty uncomfortable. These weddings with like 500 guests?!? OMG, I can't even imagine.

If I were to do it again (which I'd like to if I can get the first marriage annulled) will be different. Maybe not *that* much different, however, as over the years I've learned to deal better and better with crowds. I have to treat a crowd as whatever number of individuals it consists of, and deal with them one by one in some sort of order. I start to get overwhelmed in a group of 3, 4, 5, unless I know everyone *really* well (like family members) or have some sort of seniority over them (like at work). Even then, it's still far from perfect.

Marriage is useful in some countries if you want to adopt a child or want to pay less taxes. In my country it is also useful for teachers who do not wish to live 900km away from their partners.

Other than that, I do not see the point in getting married (and never seen it so my mother and I argued when I was a kid), I do not believe in strict monogamy or "true love" and do not wish to be tied to someone. I do not even know whether I want to live with someone or not, I am happy with the idea of seeing someone sometimes but living on my own.

The ceremony in itself is even more ridiculous nowadays. White dress, symbolizing virginity... yeah, of course... and all those things which have to cost a lot just to say "I love you". There's no need for that really.

I remember the last time there was a marriage in my family, I was tired because of all the noise and the unending party and everyone was talking and dancing and I was alone or talking with the younger children and playing and my mother said that I had to stop acting strangely.

I really do not see myself organizing such a thing.

I'm asexual anyway so I never have to worry about getting married but if I did it would seem as if it was for everyone else and not me or my husband. Most weddings seem to be for the bride and not the husband anyway. The only person I ever comprehended spending the rest of my life with was a zoologist from South Africa who probably also has AS. Prancing down the isle in a white dress that takes forever to get in and out of and seems like a sensory hell would be out of the question. If I did wear a dress it would be a simple cocktail dress and blue or green but definatly not white. I can't tolerate anything on my head or face so a veil would definatly be out of the question. Brides wearing veils seems like another socialy accepted form of opressing women anyway. The dresses I see in magazines and TV seem like such a sensory hell and seem so tight. I have to wear my clothes two sizes larger than I actualy need or else I feel as if I am suffocating. White has to be the most boring color and even though it's a tradition in western weddings that would be the first one to go in my wedding. The reason most people get married repulses me. Not only do I like the idea of being physicaly close to another person, I don't even like the idea of being close emotionaly to them. Marriage is a symbolic representive of two people coming together as a single entity. I want to be my own enitity even if it is just symbolism. Intercourse is repulsive and if I ever did marry a man, he would have to agree to celibacy. So many aspects of the western wedding do not apeal to me.

I only did it for tax break. I didn't want to get married at first and waste all that money and I didn't see the point in it until my husband told me you get a tax break. Then I thought "Okay, I'll do it then." But that doesn't mean I am going to marry my room mate or marry my friend or just marry some random person just for the taxes. That be dumb. Only do it to someone you want to be with for the rest of your life and who you love.

But I think rings are stupid but if people want to wear them, fine by them. Unless you have a problem with men hitting on you and you want them to stay away, then I find that a good reason to wear one.

I so prefer funerals myself as I experience them to be so much more real and less pretentious.

I don't get the whole big wedding thing. People spend $30k on a wedding, and get divorced a year later before it's even paid off. If I ever get married, I'm sure as hell not going to have a wedding.

Alla posted: I've never been one to dream of getting a white dress and walking down the isle with lots of guests whitnessing. I don't understand what is so great about weddings TBH. Lots of noise, pretending to smile at everyone, spending weeks and months preparing, spending TONS of money, etc, all to impress other people. I'd much rather elope quitely or do what my Greman friend did. She and her boyfriend drove to a small village in Denmark and registered their intent to be husband and wife there. No wedding, no family, no spending. They are very happy together. Do you feel the same way, or is a big wedding a must for you?
---
The movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002), may cast some light on the actual meaning of a public marriage.

I'm married but never had a wedding or wedding rings. They are for me totally superfluous.

I went to the courthouse, a few minutes later we had our piece of paper. My marriage is for me and my wife, never particularly cared what others thought..

I also refuse to buy my wife a ring. At first it was just an aspie moment of complete ignorance of social norms. I had never even thought about it until the judge asked me if we had rings. Now it is an outright refusal of complying to social norms. I refuse to give into materialistic things that somehow represent something they are not. No piece of property should change how I feel about my wife or how she feels about me. I have no need to mark my wife with any symbol of ownership or servitude.

I do admit one day, after about 12 years of marriage, I was feeling a bit NT and asked my wife if she wanted a ring and even offered her a big fancy second marriage and the whole ceremony thing. She told me that would be a pretty stupid waste of money. Her answer made me proud of her.

Weddings, funerals, birthdays, graduations, bar-matzvahs. All rites of passage.

ruveyn

They're a sign that two humans have managed to get on with each other well enough to want to spend their lives together, which, considering that