I think I have too much empathy

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My mum was in a bad mood so I had this idea that my sister should text her to cheer her up. She never replied to mum's texts before so I thought it was a good idea.

My sister however said I didn't know what I was talking about and that the reason my mum was upset was obvious. Then she goes on to say that mum wasn't in a bad mood because she didn't reply to her texts. I never said that.

So I tried to tell her that. All the time thinking about how selfish she must be and I avoided writing back 'can you get it through your thick selfish skull that this has nothing to do with that?'

Then I told her that mum was speaking negatively about her and then said that I know any communication would help her cheer up. Followed by a 'don't reply to this' because I was sick of dealing with her.

So she replies back. I ignore it. Later on it says 'why was she speaking negatively about me?'



Why does she keep bringing this back to her and not even care why our poor mum was upset?

I am quite empathetic too, a little too much to the point that I feel what the person next to me in line at the grocery store as an example, whether I know him/her or not is feeling! And many times that can be uncomfortable. But your sister sounds to me, from what you have described too self involved to care about anyone else's thoughts but her own! You may be exceptionally empathetic possibly where she is not empathetic enough. My thoughts.

Mir

I know it's really hard, but you can't care about what your sister does. You can't control her behavior or force her to be nice to your mom.

All that matters is what you do, and you are a very considerate person trying to help your mom feel better.

I believe mom has an "o" in it my fellow aspie bretheren.

I think it depends on where you live. In America it's not common at all to say mum but I've heard many English people say mum. I'm not sure if it's slang or just how it's said in other countries

I'll take this as a joke.
Although I'm not sure.


Yeah I gave up on her in the end. But the thing that struck me was the 'you don't know what you're talking about' line. My sister said this all the time to me growing up and I genuinely believed it. Now I take it less seriously.
I just don't why people are that selfish. She's not on the spectrum at all.

Its not slang but the correct term to use in many parts of the world including the country the original poster is in.. where its mum. (not mom).

Are you going to send me to Grammar Jail now? Oh no!

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 08 Nov 2010, 6:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

If I'm in the same room as someone who's in a bad mood, it affects my mood as well. I feel that I have too much empathy, and the experts say that we lack empathy. Yeah, right!

Once again an American is unaware a whole world exists beyond their own borders. Always good for a chuckle. Almost enough to bring out my own superior English stereotype.

pensieve is from Australia. You say "Mum" in Australia, as well as in the U.K., not "mom."

Is that type of correction more than a bit off topic?

I don't get why people are selfish either, but so many are unfortunately.

It can be quite upsetting/frustrating when someone you've known for a long time always told you something like "you don't know what you're talking about" and you believed them, only to later realize that it wasn't true. (I've had experiences like this.) As some point, you figure out that you do in fact know what you're talking about. Trust yourself!

I agree on that point. If someone is angry or upset and I sense it, I go into an anxiety attack. I worry about others frequently, and I try to help others...I guess we both are empathic.

listen. share some with me! i'm a jerk!

I have too much empathy myself. I'm way too caring, kind, and peaceful.

Which is why I have struggles with my parents' beliefs regarding the afterlife...

Yeah I'm affected by others negative moods. Sometimes to the point of getting angry myself. My mum was really moody and not talking to me at all when she drove me home. I know she was depressed about her job, not about a recent break up which is what my sister thought. She's just way too intense and opinionated at times. My sister is, not my mum.
I'm just seeing a lot of traits in NT's that just makes me not wont to bother with them anymore. But I know I have to at least try.