I just want to do a good job

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So after trudging through the mire of temp work for the last year after moving home from college, I finally got a permanent job at an Art Supply Store (basically my dream job). It's working a job like this that made me realize what a bitter, miserable bastard I had been at my previous job. At this job, everyone who works there is nice to me, I know how to sell the product we do, and the hours work around my freelance schedule.

...But I haven't grasped certain things as quickly as I feel I should have. Granted my training process at this store was a bit scattershot because of corporate weirdness that had nothing to do with me, but I've even messed up common sense things and I don't respond well to pressure when we get real busy with customers. I'm trying to keep up, but it's been hard. And my co-workers have noticed. They noticed to the point where my manager had to pull me aside and talk to me and wonder what my thought process is during these moments.

Believe it or not, I'm not the kind of guy who blames everything on his autism, or at least tries not to. But in a situation like this, I thought letting him know was valid so I told him. Now he and my lead associates know. I'm usually DREAD to tell people about my autism, and now everyone I report to at work knows. I don't like to tell people because I don't want them to treat me like I'm weird or stupid. I know being HFA doesn't make you that, but misdiagnosis almost landed me in the special classes as a kid, so it's a VERY REAL insecurity for me.

Things have improved, but I still panic and get paranoid in my head when I make a mistake cause I REALLY like this job and I don't want to get fired.

I'm not sure what to do. Any advice? Anyone?

Since you've already told them you have HFA and they seemed okay with that, I think I would just underscore that fact that it will take you a while to settle into your position but once you do you will be more than proficient at your job and you wish to stay there for the long term because you love the job, the company, and the people.

Concerning my lead associate's, I explained it to them this way.

- "You ever watch Azumanga Daioh?"
- "Sure. But what does.........YOU'RE OSAKA."
- "I'm Osaka."
- "Oh now I get it."

But I dunno, I get paranoid now because I really do want to stay long term at this place. Hell tonight I was panicking because one of my lead's told me she was gonna tell my boss about a mistake I keep making (which I was making at the time because I got distracted helping customers). Then again she was in a bad mood. We all were. Mondays and all that.

I completely understand that kind of pressure, which is why I refuse to be a cashier anywhere I work. I couldn't handle the pressure of long lines and impatient people waiting. I would probably have a break down.

However, I have figured out some coping mechanisms I use. Mainly I take a few minutes to prepare myself and create a character that can take the pressure with ease. While this doesn't make everything perfect, I can at least handle the pressure much better, because it's not me who is dealing with it, but the character I created.

I admit this isn't the best way to handle difficult situations in life, it works for me. I like to pretend that I am Sherlock Holmes going undercover to solve a mystery. It makes the job more interesting, pretending to investigate customers or fellow employees. May not be the most healthy, but it makes the time pass quicker and more interesting.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Before I head out there I put on what I call my "work voice". My "work voice" is usually non-threatening, helpful, and polite, as opposed to my real voice which is usually boisterous and raunchy. If you knew the real me then heard my "work voice" over the phone you wouldn't recognize me.

But what you said seems to be my main problem: keeping up. I don't do big fuck-ups like showing up an hour late drunk or high; that's not the kind of person I am. It's usually minor stuff like "you didn't inform them about this offer, you didn't put this in the right box, you left this box out, what they were looking for is down THIS aisle, don't forget to tell them it's on the website, etc etc." It doesn't seem like much, but apparently that adds up after a while. And we're a very tight-knit group (about a dozen employees total) so mistakes aren't as easy to hide.

Oh I get those mistakes, that is where the character comes in handy, I kind of blame the character instead of myself. It doesn't make me feel as bad, it's not my mistake, it's the characters. I do learn from the mistakes. And to be fair, those are such little mistakes. Who can always remember what the offer is for that week? Or where a certain item is in the store. If you haven't been there for long, which it sounds like, then I would think that they are honest, simple mistakes. Think of it as more of a routine, just learn the routine and things will get much easier.

Would a short check list or note help you out?

If I was a customer I wouldn't mind the cashier looking at crib notes it it meant I didn't miss out on a discount I was suppose to get.

thats great you feel so comfortable at your job to tell people about having autism. i think that means you will work at your dream job for a long time

Believe me, I'm FAR from comfortable telling ANYONE. I only did it because I made a mistake (a minor albeit) that honestly defied any logic you could think of, and having an Aspie moment was the only explanation I could offer. Usually I'd rather die than tell people because I don't want them to treat me differently. Again, I know that's not the case, but I have my reasons for feeling that way.