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kingtut3
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20 Nov 2010, 2:10 pm

I'm an aspie dating an NT. My girlfriend thinks that her brother has AS. I'm going to meet him and talk to him about it. He's in college. How do I explain to someone that he might have AS?



leejosepho
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20 Nov 2010, 2:39 pm

kingtut3 wrote:
How do I explain to someone that he might have AS?

First maybe try to put yourself in his place and consider how (or even whether) *you* would want to be approached by one of your sister's friends ... and of course, do not let his sister push you into pushing something at him. But then after the two of you might first just become acquainted, you might try sharing a little more about *yourself* and then leaving it to him to possibly see some of his own characteristics in the kinds of personal struggles and challenges you have described ... or maybe it would be better to begin by just talking about our leanings toward having "special interests" and so on. Overall, the idea is to act more like a mirror where he might see a bit of himself rather than like a spotlight surprising and exposing him against his will.


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SteamPowerDev
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20 Nov 2010, 3:25 pm

Well, if he does have Asperger's, just telling him. Flat out tell him. It would be much easier and much less weird for him.

"Have you heard of Asperger's Syndrome?"
"no"
"Well, there is a chance that you have it. Here is some websites to checkout."

That is how I would do it, but I also have a short attention span.



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20 Nov 2010, 4:35 pm

You have AS yourself, yeah? You might talk about your own traits, and how getting a diagnosis helped you get help with stuff. Don't talk about it like there's something wrong with him; obviously, there's nothing wrong with being autistic. But our environments have to be slightly different, and if he doesn't know that he has autistic traits, he can't work to get what he needs.


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21 Nov 2010, 1:05 am

I'm with leejosepho. If you don't already have a relationship with this kid, I would think it would be terribly uncomfortable for him to be approached and outed with no warning or prior knowledge about AS. If he gets to know you and see's that he has a lot of traits in common with you, he'll figure it out.

If he's struggling and needs to get help, then maybe he needs a little prodding in the right direction. But, if the sister wants him to know just for the sake of knowing, I would definitely stay away from an open conversation right off the bat. I would have been very uncomfortable and probably would have denied most of my true characteristics to anyone who approached me with words like Autism and Aspergers. For me, it's something personal that I'm happy to have figured out about myself. It's made me more aware of how I act and has helped me to keep some of my characteristics in check when I need to (i.e. at work). On the other hand, I'm now hyper aware of any media coverage, movies, tv shows, etc. concerning autism in general when I'm in the same room with the one person I've ever told. For me, personally, I think it would be worse if that person had realized what I was before I did.

Just tread lightly...and good luck :-)


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pensieve
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21 Nov 2010, 1:29 am

leejosepho wrote:
kingtut3 wrote:
How do I explain to someone that he might have AS?

First maybe try to put yourself in his place and consider how (or even whether) *you* would want to be approached by one of your sister's friends ... and of course, do not let his sister push you into pushing something at him. But then after the two of you might first just become acquainted, you might try sharing a little more about *yourself* and then leaving it to him to possibly see some of his own characteristics in the kinds of personal struggles and challenges you have described ... or maybe it would be better to begin by just talking about our leanings toward having "special interests" and so on. Overall, the idea is to act more like a mirror where he might see a bit of himself rather than like a spotlight surprising and exposing him against his will.

Good advice.

The first time someone said I might be autistic I disregarded it immediately.


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21 Nov 2010, 4:12 am

Do you know him a little bit? have you noticed signs of AS yourself? And why is your girlfriend asking you to tell him instead of trying to tell him herself, or at least mention the possibility to him? maybe it would be easier for her as he is her brother, and then she could let him know that you have AS and that you could talk to him if he is willing and/or have questions. Personally I think I would feel uncomfortable if a person I don't know at all came to visit me and told me something like that, but maybe he will be ok with it tho.

But first of all, I would ask your girlfriend what she has noticed exactly that makes her think her brother has AS (if you haven't already of course), and from there it might be easier for you to relate when/if you talk to him.

Shadi


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kingtut3
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21 Nov 2010, 8:43 am

I just met him. He might have AS.



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21 Nov 2010, 8:52 am

No matter how exactly you address the kid's possible AS, I think you should try not to frighten him with the news. Make certain he understands that AS is not dangerous to him, that it is unlikely to get any worse and that it is something that he can work on to improve. It's better not to drive him into a state of anxiety/unease but rather to show him that life with AS may be a bit of a challenge sometimes but still worthwhile and enjoyable.


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