Is it an autistic trait to block out people?

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For some reason I seem to have this defense mechanism or extreme fear of commitment. But it seems to go deeper than that, it's not something I have control over and not something I desire; it's something I fight against.

Like with my sister, things all the sudden became awkward (with me I'm sure) and we didn't talk for 15 years. Now we might exchange an email once every few months. Same with my dad. My mom is the only person I talk to.

It's like even if I meet a new friend soon I distance myself and then all the sudden there is a wall of ice around them and I disappear from them completely. It seems to be AS related to some degree because the inability to make eye contact especially with family members and people I've known from the past is there. With my doctor for example I can hold eye contact for a second, then look away for a few seconds then struggle to hold it for another second just to try and show I'm listening and not being rude.

I really hate blocking people out. Does this make me a self-centered person? If so, how do I change it? If it's AS related can therapy help?

Also I can't say the word "love" outloud. And saying "thank you" and "sorry" are so hard to get out I almost studder. It's like any word that has to do with deep emotion my brain doesn't want me to say. And with relationships when anything get's beyond a casual friend I block them out. Part of it might be because sometimes I need to be alone and old friends never understood that. I remember friends complaining I wouldn't answer my phone when they called (now I realize it's the AS that keeps me off the phone). So it's like any relationship is going to be eventually made awkward by my quirks so I distance myself. And now I'm to the point where I stay in an apartment all day and have to take meds and build up courage just to go to the grocery store.

This is something I have pondered over for many years and never fully figured out. I want to love others, but it's hard to know how to turn on that light switch and turn off these defense mechanisms or whatever they are.

Sometimes I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle of Aspergers and classical autism. It feels like I have more intense symptoms/traits that keep me from living than people with Aspergers I've talked to. I mean I can't talk on the phone and can't talk in public. I can't be in a room that has a person to square foot ratio beyond a certain point. I have a hard time focusing on things, my mind is always racing (I'm also bi-polar, so it's all a big mess).

I just wish I could get some good news or hope that things will get better and not worse.

In a few hours I go to the neurologist to see if I have a genetic nerve disorder that causes my forearms and fingers to stop working at random times. Doctor said it's 99% that I have it from what he's seen the past 8 months (for 4 months I had no use of my hands, bi-lateral neuropathy). And now my right arm is going bad again.

I'm just really upset about everything. And I have no one to talk to about this stuff. And I feel like I must be a bad person to block people out like that.

That is interesting. I've never heard of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia before but I sure seem to have it.

Man, it's like peeling an onion with all these symptoms and odd traits.

I do feel like anxiety is a part of it, I was diagnosed with social anxiety and general anxiety years before finding out it was all connected to the autism spectrum. It is confusing putting a label on each thing because there are so many things.

Well that's 2 of us on this forum that have the issue of those words. I can't stand it either when "love" is said on TV. And it does bother me that I seem to have much more emotion towards my dog than any person. It's just like I don't connect with people and there is never any bond formed that leads to emotions.

I think I'm capable of emotions though, but for sure I'm emotionally deficit to some degree.

I'm glad you mentioned that word, reading about it is helping me understand why I do block people out. 85% of people on the spectrum have it!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia - a state of deficiency in understanding, processing, or describing emotions.

Alexithymia frequently co-occurs with other disorders, with a representative prevalence of 85% in autism spectrum disorders,[5][28] 40% in posttraumatic stress disorder,[29] 63% in anorexia nervosa, 56% in bulimia,[30] 45% in major depressive disorder,[13] 34% in panic disorder,[31] and 50% in substance abusers.

Alexithymia is defined by:
difficulty identifying feelings and distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal
difficulty describing feelings to other people
constricted imaginal processes, as evidenced by a scarcity of fantasies
a stimulus-bound, externally oriented cognitive style.

Ok, so now how to address this?

http://www.angelfire.com/al4/alexithymia/

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Treating ... 3793.shtml

Are there any self-help techniques?
The following is a provisional list of self help guidelines (proposed by Triton).

"Recognise Alex. Don't ignore it.
Don't try to correct failures by punishment or contempt.
Negotiate a 'co-supportive' relationship with a 'non-alex' person (e.g. therapist, friend, partner).
Cultivate a keener sense of other people's emotional needs judging by their verbal and physical cues.
Learn the BIGGEST repertoire of "appropriate" feeling responses you can, based on cues from others, and use them, even if they feel automated or phoney. This will get you through to your old age with the least amount of damage to yourself from mistakes.
Take time and patience to learn how to recognize and name your own emotional/feeling states.
Be wary of friends bearing common-sense advice: such suggestions are usually intended for people with a normal range of feelings and emotions, and may not be relevant to alexithymia."