Interacting with my family

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Hello, I am a 22 year old psychology student with a bit of a dilemma. I had always had a bit of a disconnect with my family as far as getting along with them, what our expected duties are, styles of attachment etc. I'd always sensed something being off about all of us, but after 4 years of college I've learned a lot and has lead me to some hypotheses about my families dynamics. I want to start by saying that this started with me being angry with my family for being seemingly unreasonable, then led to me questioning myself, then me seeing the entire situation somewhat objectively, so please bear with me.
Also let me know if something I am saying is offensive or isn't pc.

My problem is twofold.
Firstly, my older sister, with whom I was having the most issues with, seemingly has textbook (yet undiagnosed) autism, albeit mild. Everything from the pedantic speech pattern and situational understanding to the mild lack of self awareness, to the social awkwardness to the esoteric special interest etc. etc. is her, and is seemingly in line with her personality as a whole.

However, she is ( may be) extremely narcissistic. Some of what I would call her autistic traits have lead people to find her to be a leader, namely her stilted speech pattern, her ability to talk about politics (her special interest) at extreme length (to the point of long windedness), among other things. It also doesn't help that most of her thought patterns and behaviors are praised by the many yes-men that she surrounds herself with that are her friends and co-workers. Many of our issues have to deal with keeping the house that we live in together, under control. She is, for lack of a better set of words, neurotic and filthy, us having had 4 seperate pest/animal issues that are directly linked to her, and her insistence that the house only be used within a specific set of rules to be determined by her whether they directly affect her of affect her in a way that a more reasonable person would be able to deal with appropriately.

My younger brother, to a significantly lesser extent than my sister is more or less behaviorally similar to her, his inability to understand metaphors and a lot of social context being the biggest things that he could work on yanno? Also overly literal.

If and when I am ever at odds with them, whether I am right or wrong, whether I have tons of proof, it's like unless I am able to give them every single nuance of what him is happening they rarely understand what I am saying. Having a legitimate conversation on a bad day is nearly impossible.

To complete this story, we have a mother, single, who's behavior can be best described as Joan crawford-esque (think Mommie dearest) Borderline personality disorder. She is also pedantic to a fault, and has anger issues that certainly need to be resolved. I am often scapegoated for problems by the elder two, and by a lesser extent, my younger brother, and they are in general very hard to reason with. The point of bringing her into this is that they all individually and as a unit tend to behave strangely.

Under the guise that the above information is true, how would I best interact with them in order to better communicate with them, to command respect to a certain degree of respect in a way that they can understand rather than just letting certain behaviors of theirs slide (I'm generally passive), and to generally get them to understand that some of their behaviors are unacceptable when interacting with me (and others).

To be clear, I used to resent this family. They were seemingly unpleasant, and disagreeable, and were often at odds with me and others outside of the family. With the proper framing though, some of the negative ways they are interacting with people genuinely may not be out of obstainance but a fundamental embedded misunderstanding of interaction as a whole. And I would like to find a way to deal with it as I have to be around them for at least a few more years.

Tl,dr
How do I best communicate/assert myself with family members that are both autistic AND narcissistic/otherwise unpleasant.

And thank you so much in advance.

Accept their parameters, identify areas where they might need to be supported and support them. If they express interest in seeking outside help (if the subject arises) then support them in that too.

- If there is an issue with cleanliness in the house, see if there is some way a compromise can be met (for example a new set of rules that everyone can agree on)

- If you know your brother has difficulty with a particular form of speech, try to avoid it. Soldiering on in the hope he will get with the program is unhelpful to both of you.

Simply compiling lists of 'errant' behaviour to highlight how unreasonable things are will not do anything except serve as a means to put emotional and intellectual distance between your family by turning them in to a case study. Use that education of yours to identify where you can affect a positive change for you, your family and the relationships there in. Or suggest that they look to outside assistance with unpacking whatever is going on for them, if anything at all.