Being over obsessed with perfection. A normal AS trait?

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I wonder if it's normal for someone with AS to be a perfectionist? As I've been that way lately, especially trying to construct my website and starting all over 3-4 times in a row. And I missed the deadline of turning a Flash 8 homework project because I took a long time with it and such.

I clearly don't realize this at first, but after watching "The Aviator", I seemed to act like Leo's part as Howard Hughes somewhat... And just recently, I lost control of myself with several typos while writing a fanfic online. So, I wonder is this normal for AS to engage into being perfect somewhat? Or is it just me?

I've recently come to accept that one of the reasons I'm so "lazy" and sloppy is because I'm a perfectionist.

If I'm going to muster enough energy to do something, I'm going to want to knock it out of the park. I rarely have the time or opportunity to do projects to the fullest extent (and in the exacting detail) to which I want to do them, so I don't bother in the first place. I can't even live up to my own standards.

Oh, irony.....

I find that this is something I do as well. I want to do things well, extremely well. Yet at the same time, the detail with which I carry out any project is both overwhelming and exhausting. Since I've come to realize that most projects overwhelm me, I have learned to not even start them...

Yes I often have to perfect something. In my I.T. class last year we had to make websites. The lecturer was rushing me to put it together quickly, but I just had to get it perfect and spend lots of time on it. I also can't do some homework and then finish later, I have to finish it in one sitting or it drives me nuts.

Our whole family runs into this one - it is decidedly handicapping for my 10yo son (the only one of us with an official diagnosis.) He often erases holes into the paper because he can't deal with any minor issue of handwriting or error.

So, does anybody have strategies to help find a way to be satisfied with something that's not perfect but sufficient?

This sounds like me as well. I've really wanted to start a web site for several years now - but I've got to get it set up just right, and since I have a whole set of special interests, how do I organise it?... You get the idea.

I've done this with so many things. When I was a professional genealogist, I lost a client or two - even though I got it to them by the deadline I said I would, and didn't charge more than I said I would - because at the last minute I stopped to make sure I had everything just right. I don't know what that ticked them off, since I still got it out when I said I would, and that's what I'd want someone to do...

Yeah, I think this is definitely a common problem, thinking over my own life, where perfectionism has frozen me in a sort of stasis on many things - or I'll start a project, realise it isn't perfect, start it over to get it right, realise... - and reading all the other posts here.

I am barely ever a perfectionist...especially when it comes to organization.

I'm a perfectionist. I get caught up in the details of stuff. I do the same thing as you, OP...when I'm doing homework I focus so hard on it being just right that I take way too long. I can't BS stuff or half-ass it. And other stuff like if I'm cleaning my room, I want to fold every piece of clothing, organize all my books, etc, not just tidy.

One or two psychologists brought up OCD, but it just doesn't fit me. Recently I discovered OCPD and I'm starting to wonder if that fits me, hence my perfectionism.

I can relate. It's paralyzing to me. I have serious trouble building a work portfolio for myself, because nothing is good enough to go in it. If I get too frustrated with my inability to make something perfect, I give up on it. And of course nothing is perfect, so guess what's in my portfolio. Pretty much nothing. Deadlines are the only way I can hand something over, and even then I will work around the clock to make it as good as I possibly can before it's too late. It's not good for me, and it causes anxiety and meltdowns. I wish I could stop driving myself nuts with it.

My mother fits the personality profile of OCPD, but the more I learn, the more I realize she is probably AS with OCD-like features - there is a very blurry line there. BTW - one feature of OCPD many have is not ever EVER questioning it. People with this particular disorder rarely seek help on their own. http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson6.php

Yes but I think it's because as a child nothing I did was good enough. Everyone would always tell me about how I could improve. Pictures, behavior, art, social expirences, breathing, etc. It didn't matter, it was never good enough for them.

Perfectionism was a huge problem for me in high school. It would give me severe anxiety if I didn't get as close to 100 percent as I could. I was struggling with severe anxiety too and still managed to be a straight A student pretty much!!

It's getting a lot better recently now though. When I go to do other things like chores, or writing, the perfectionism is still there but not as bad as it was when I was younger.

This is a big piece of the problem with our DS - any suggestion or constructive criticism is taken as condemnation. It makes school terribly difficult for him, because the entire purpose of school is to teach you things you don't know how to do, which can't be done without pointing out how to do things differently.

(PunkyKat, I'm not suggesting that you are overreacting to your experience; I don't know what school was like for you other than it was unpleasant - but I know my son reacts much more strongly to correction than other NT children even when the exact same words and tone of voice are used.)

Has it occurred to you that, since we are neurologically different, it is just as likely a case of the need for different communication standards as it is of an 'overreaction'? If the same words and tone of voice are used, why would you expect someone who is neurologically different to react to them the same way as a neurotypical? I mean no disrespect. But I really think that in this case, you're overlooking a critical point.

If you are interested, I can think of several reasons from my own experience that might explain his reaction:

First, depending on his sensory issues, if they involve sound, it may be that a tone of voice which is fine for most people is overly harsh in his ears.

Second, I know that I learned, as early as two, to hide my differences as much as I could, even from my parents. Any suggestion that I was wrong was something I perceived, instinctively, as a threat. The overwhelming impact of a world that expects us to put up with things that are unendurable - to us - without complaint and expects us to act contrary to our natures seems to have that effect; at least it did on me. So even an "innocent" attempt to help me get something right impacted me as "Oh, no! One more thing I'm wrong on; one more thing to mark me out as weird and a target!" This wasn't consciously thought out when I was younger, but looking back, the instinctive reaction was definitely there.

In the second case, it is not so much about the individual message, but about the context of that message. Anyone who hasn't lived through the experience of being squashed by the overwhelming pressure of the NT world simply cannot imagine what it is like. In that context, the mildest correction is a huge deal.

This is one of the reasons I will never make it as a writer or artist despite the fact these tend to be my biggest talents:

I'm never satisfied with anything.

Last edited by XFilesGeek on 07 Jan 2011, 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I need to have some of my things in an "acceptable" position for me. For instance, I could possibly spend 5 minutes putting my earphones somewhere and making sure that the earplugs aren't touching each other, the wires hardly or don't overlap each other etc.
I usually leave my Nintendo DS on top of a book, and it needs to be as close as possible to the center with it not being in an angle.
My laptop needs to be in the right distance under my bed, and it must not touch anything.
I sometimes do things like close and open a jar 4, 8, 12, 0r 16 times (sometimes 20), because I feel that I didn't close it well enough, so I sometimes even do it more than 20 times, preferably in times of 4 (24, 28, 32...).
There's numerous other things too with this 4 times thing, it doesn't always happen, but sometimes.
The salt needs to be a certain distance away from the pepper and stuff, but anyway...