Why Do Some Aspies Hate Small Talk?

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How isn't it small talk? People ask you how your family is. So were you supposed to lie if they were sick?

I am sure some Aspies hate small talk for the same reason that some NTs hate small talk. It is petty activity and a waste of time.

ruveyn

Pointless.
Boring.
Mouth flapping.
I zone out of it anyway.

I agree with you. I actually like small talk, if I can do it, but much of the time I can't. I generally find that by the time I have a reply, the topic has shifted to something else. Or, someone will ask a simple question, and I give a simple answer, and the conversation grinds to a halt.

I find that I'm okay in a one-on-one conversation with someone who is fairly talkative. In larger groups, I'm completely lost.

Well, why are normal people bothered by door to door sales people? Why don't they like telemarketers? Because those are annoying and there's little motivation to try.

I believe NTs expect you to lie and say your family's great, or at least filter only the good news for them, yes.

Or more to the point, I find people either do not want to hear or only engage superficially with what might be seen as bad news.

Last edited by Verdandi on 20 Jan 2011, 8:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Because the small talk that women engage in is all aout hair, hunks, makeup, weight loss and American Idol, than they ask me if I have anything to add to the conversation. Small talk would have been easier for me, 45 years ago. At least I would have been able to talk about how cute Mick Avory was. I'm not changing to suit the modern NT female population. Not after changing to suit myself two years ago.

I don't lie to the NTs I work with about my family, and they don't lie to me. This isn't the same question as a casual "how are you", asking this means they want to know the answer.

Fair enough. I don't think it's still small talk when it reaches that point, though. You're beyond the ritualized pointless exchanges and actually providing information.

I'm always 10 steps ahead of the situation. I can tell if the conversation at hand will lead to any tangible benefit or not, and if not then I just avoid it.

It's been my understanding that small talk was generally things concerning the weather, how one's day has been going, and "OMG that top is so cute! Where did you get it?"

I have come to realize you're supposed to point out the obvious weather that day, lie about how your day has been if it hasn't been good, and actually remember where you got 'that cute top'.

So yes, I think small talk is superficial things nobody really cares about.

As long as its not growedup small talk,
if it something that a 5 to 7 yr old boy
would talk about, what cool bugs I found today,
what I saw on sesame street, when I farted
at lunch and made it stink, when I saw some
poopy underpants on the pavement and laughed
and when I caught this big fat toad outside
and played with it and showed it to my
sisteer and she th*t it was cool.

Growedup small talk will keep drifting to
electronics, no matter what the other
person is speaking of, it will keep drifting
to electronics.

This week it has been drifting to PBX
systems specifically asterisk PBX systems,
I have been obsessing on asterisk PBX
systems specifically making SIP calls
over the internet.

I never know what to say and my mind wanders a lot.

I dislike chit chat. I can fake it well enough. I started getting a lot of positive feedback at work when I accepted that it is an expected part of my job. I'm not good at the superficial chatter, but I've got a few lines - which includes a friendly exit the moment the conversation starts to lag.

But I really hate that my job performance is negatively impacted by not spending enough time socializing with coworkers.

My psychologist thinks I need to learn small talk. I don't get it. It seems like they're talking about nothing. I don't get it. What is the logic behind it? Why do I need to learn it?

This is another thing I don't understand. Aren't we at work to do work? Why would I socialize when work needs to be done?