How to not be honest to a friend???

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hi guys i have this friend who has become REALLY delusional. She has this fiance who has always been an ass to her, but she always brags and tells us lies about things he did for her. I know he didnt do these things b/c he is always running his tweets and will say disrespectful things about her and often he leaves her alone and will take several vacations a month with his buddies.

It seems the worse he gets, the more he becomes this drunk sports fanatic who gets thrown out of games, hurls curse words at a computer screen, and openly states online many times "sports come before my gf", the MORE she acts to us like he is a godsend from heaven.

She even thinks her engagement ring is hand designed by him. Its a 200 dollar zales cocktail ring.

I am having an IMPOSSIBLE time not being honest to the point of brutality. I know if I open my mouth she will flip out at me b/c it will all come out like word vomit. I CANNOT say things in a sugar coated way at all, even when i think i am people are soo freaked out and say its a horribly offensive way of talking and not sugar coated at all.

Its to the point I cant even talk to her because her blatant lies to my face about her sad life make me really upset. I dont know actually if she is just lying to me or if she actually BELIEVES her own lies. Dont lie to my face when i know the truth. It's just awkward and makes me think less of her. Any advice?

Of the ring, you can say "I'm pretty sure I saw that in a Zales catalog. But of the rest, if she accepts how he treats her you really can't do much about it.

She is either embarrassed at the thought that he is far from Mr. Perfect, and deals with it by trying to hide it, even if it means lying, or she is one of those women who define their sense of self worth by being able to get and hold on to a man.

Im trying to think what I would say to my best friend in that situation. I think if you are a true friend, you are morally obliged to speak your mind. It may hurt her, and she may feel angry at you. It may even result in the end of your friendship, but what if you didnt tell her, and she was secretly hoping for someone to see through the house of cards she finds herself in?
It might be possible to soften the blow if you start out by telling her how important her freindship is to you, and how you will be there to support her no matter what other personal relationships she choses to have. Let her know you are worried about her, and that you think some of his comments are disrespectful to her. As a freind reading those things, it naturally makes you want to stick up for her, and you think she deserves better treatment. Attack his behaviour, rather than him directly, and she will have less to be angry about. GOod luck.

The questions to ask yourself are: why does she has this relation, what makes it sustainable?
She seems delusional as if she wanted the relation to be perfect, why does she want her dream to be true?

One possible cause is that she has a very low self confidence. She might want to carry on, because the thinks it's a miracle she made it so far into a relation, she maybe hopes things will improve by themselves.

The very first thing you should do is to restore her self confidence. That she was a good person before she met her boyfriend. Then she will be able to evaluate the situation more objectively.

But there might be different reasons as well:
- Are you sure you are not wrong about her relationship? Aspies do often idealize relationships
- Is it only a detail of her personality or did you just realized she is not the person you thought she was?

I think that I'd tell her the honest truth. I don't like male domination or abuse of any kind.

I think I'd just try to be straight about it, and fairly brief - something like "to tell you the truth, it's been a while since I saw anybody treat a gf as badly as he treats you."

If she argues back as if she doesn't want to know, don't argue, but don't back down either....you've done your job as soon as she knows your opinion. But if she wants to know more, tell her more.

At least that way she knows there's somebody she can talk to, if in the future she starts to wonder whether you might have been right.

Actually if I had to do this I'd feel very uneasy. I don't like contradicting people, especially if it means telling a lady that her partner is a jerk. I think it's better coming from somebody who couldn't conceivably have an ulterior sexual motive......luckily you're female so there shouldn't be a problem there.

You should just invite her to meet you for coffee or tea and have a talk with her. "I know this may be hard to hear, but I have something important to tell you..." As others have said, she probably won't like the conversation. But as a friend, you should at least give it a try explaining your view point. If she's any kind of friend in return, she'll understand where you're coming from and why you're worried, even if she doesn't agree with you.

If that sounds too hard, you could writing her a letter or something explaining all that you've just written. Include comments explaining that you are really concerned for her, you don't like the way she's being treated, and you think she deserves better. Explain that you've been keeping your distance lately because you didn't want to lie to her. Just be as honest as possible, while staying as objective as you can.

At the very least, no matter how it goes, you'll be able to move on with your life.