conscious body language

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I have a question.

I dont know if I unconsciously use body language, but I know that I use body language consciously if I want somebody to understand something.
That means when Im among people or in a place where there are people, Im conscious about nearly every movement I make. I cant imagine how it would look like if I would see myself among people being unconscious about my movements. My friends tell me though, that I look totally normal, so I obviously choose my movements good. -Sometimes people notice that something is "not right" and start to observe me. Because it takes a lot of effort, Im not good at "behaving" when Im tired.

People seem to be unconscious about their body language most of the time, and this makes them totally understandable to me, whereby I at the same time feel more awake than the people. I understand people so much, that I consciously aim my behavior, so that I affect people the way I choose. I mainly act in a way that drives peoples attention away from me, whereby I can see that the people are unconscious in the moment, and keep on conversations with somebody else etc. This includes the ability to act as if Im unconscious like everybody else, and just concern about my own things.

It started when I was a child, that I had the thought that I can never be natural and that I have no personality. Later I found out, that if I drink alcohol I can be more unconscious about my actions >which still can be a relief< but which is not a satisfying solution. Now Im dealing with my consciousness and with other peoples unconsciousness. Can anybody on this forum relate to this? I ask because Im unsure if I have a condition which nobody here can relate to -> because a lot of people on this forum say that they dont understand body language, which is the strict opposite of me. I would also be thankful for any advice on the condition I might have.

I also dont have any problems with understanding sarcasm or irony. Sometimes I miss it though (which is normal for everybody), but which I belive is because I dont pay enough attention to people when they speak, as I usually dont expect people to say something interesting, and therefore usually only "deal" with people.

If somebody can relate, I have another billion questions.

I understand, but I don't have much to add. If you've questions, add away, perhaps I can help.

I found I didn't understand body language until I realised it was there, and then I started paying attention to it, and now I can be quite well attuned to it.

How old where you when you realized it? Where you before that consentrating exclusively on your own plans/thoughts?

I can remember being 6 years old, and having the advantage of understanding people more than they where aware of. Like this I could easily trick my parents etc., and I knew exactly how I should act to get what I wanted. I also "saw" how other children felt and have always been more aware than my surroundings.

Is it not the opposite that describes an aspie?

I thought autism is a condition where you pay limited attention to the surroundings, or do I get it wrong?

Hmmm......I think I respond to some body language so quickly that it must be intuitive - e.g. if I'm talking to somebody and they turn away slightly with an unhappy look on their face, I find myself stopping before I know why I've stopped. Though it depends on what's considered as conscious thought - I'm certain that I think in very rapid impulses which barely register on my consciousness unless I make the effort to turn them into words. A lot of people insist that wse all think in words, but I'm sure I don't, because I have ideas that I can't easily turn into words, yet they work as ideas....I eventually find the right language to express them, and then I can see that the ideas were entirely valid.

I have to make a great effort sometimes to face the other person and look as if I'm interested in what they're telling me. It's often physically uncomfortable to do that, and I wish they'd just accept my natural position in the same way as I accepted the natural position of a lady I once knew, who always hid behind her hair when we were talking together. I was fine with it, because what she said would always prove that she was very interested in my words.

Other times I seem to need no conscious effort at all, and just find myself doing the right body language. Seems to depend on how much natural interest I have in the other person, and probably long experience has made some of the right things come very easily.

I think it was Desmond Morris who said that anybody wanting to control their body language was onto a hiding for nothing - the idea was that these body cues are so many and various that you might suppress or modify a few things, but overlook the others, so there'd always be plenty of evidence showing what your real attitude was. But he was talking about NTs - he wasn't really interested in minorities with different brain-wiring, only in the mainstream.

I was in my late 20's when I discovered the existence of body language

Before that, I lived almost exclusively in my thoughts, and paid almost no attention to anything that existed outside the contents of my head.

I imagine that some aspies can turn manipulating their environment and the people around them into a SI of sorts?

I know someone who seems rather autistic to me who is a terrible manipulator. I guess she's had to develop that way to make up for her inability to get her needs met in a straightforward way.

If it's a matter of survival, then that's what we do, yes?

Anyway, just some speculations.

Yes, that's rather like trying to be the computer that controls all the micro adjustments that keep modern jet fighters in the air.

I think you can do some general things consciously; smile, relax, look people in the eye (or near) open your body rather than close it off. The tiny detail things, no way.

If I feel fairly comfortable with people, things come more easily, and I dont watch every step I take, because my friends are used to the fact that I dont respond to their actions the way normal people do.

Among people I dont know well though, I have to respond to their body language if I dont want to make them uncomfortable. What I say is that I dont have any problems with analyzing body language or using body language myself, but that I use it consciously and only if I have to or if I want.

Thats so sympathic, Im the opposite



I want to get there!



Aha... you said something.

So she seams autistic...

Well, manipulation is one thing, and responsibility is another. I feel that being conscious gives me the responsibility to "guide" my surroundings in an unselfish way.

Yup....multi-tasking gone mad.

Ok so if Im conscious in the first place and control the jet fighters, Ive gone mad. So I should kick myself in the head and change the consciousness to a lower level, so that the micro adjustments go automatically. What do you suggest? Therapy against consciousness?

I would suggest that you aren't able to completely control every single micro movement of your muscles at all times. And if you are, bravo, what do you need therapy for? Let us know how you do it, I think it would be incredibly useful for me if I could mimic NT behaviour in a more complete way, rather than the partial facsimilies I make as of today.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to say you've gone mad. Just that I think I'd go mad if I tried to control all that stuff. Maybe you've just got the knack, though I've no idea how you're doing it. I can't focus on more than one or two items at the same time, and I can't even do that for very long.

You are right, Im not. But Im conscious, I understand body language and I often use body language consciously.
I dont need therapy, I would just be interested if this is autism or not.

How I do it? I act. Why I do it? Because it is normal on this planet, and if I dont, people misunderstand me.

If I dont act I have a huge pressure of being misunderstood by my surroundings, which can turn my existence into paths that I didnt intend, but what other people think -> and people think a lot if I dont act.

So either the surroundings control me or I control my surroundings.

Im unsure though, if the better solution would be to face the difficulty of being misunderstood.

I cant do it for very long, but as long as I feel how I want to be, thats how it looks like. If Im alone in the streets I try all the time to feel that everything is ok and that evey step I take is normal. Im sometimes surprised how natural my responses come, but Im still conscious about it.

I'm kind of the same way, now. But I didn't understand body language until about 16, before that I pretty much just kept my body language closed all the time, and didn't interact with others much. But then I read a few books on body language, and now it is something I am always looking out for consciously. My body language was all planned from about 16-20, but now it is coming more naturally to me so I don't think about it as much.

Yes when I was younger I didnt know how to use my own body language, but I always understood that of others. I was outgoing though, and had the problem that people thought I was behaving like a boy or that I was to hard/affirmative/decisive (dont know the right english expression).

It is also coming more naturally to me now, even though Im aware of it.

When I was a child I was sometimes annoyed by peoples body language and whished that somebody would treat me honestly and in the same way I treated them, because I thought it was fake. I had especially a distance to adults who changed their voice when talking to me.