Asperger's and lying ...

Post Reply New Topic

Everyone tells false-truths. Even not giving details about a situation is a form of deception.

I know that personally, I can't lie or hold my tongue about anything. I myself am heavily affected by what people say, so I try to make it as polite and encouraging as I can, but I must speak what I feel or the truth on a matter when it comes to certain things as the situations vary (such as which game in the Mario series is the best isn't a topic with solid facts, but rather based on opinion).
I also can't lie because I have a massive amount of guilt that comes over in doing so. I once lied that I scratched my shoulder accidentally when in reality, I did it on purpose and didn't want to tell my mother because I feel that I'm enough of a burden as it is, the situation my family's in now doesn't need my crap thrown in as well on them.

I can't lie, and I won't be forced to. It always disturbs me how most people lie constantly for no reason and get sh***y when I won't lie.
I don't, however, spray out everything in my head uncontrollably. I don't perceive maintaining one's own personal privacy or keeping confidentiality as "lying by omission."

Some people just want to be lied to. It‘s ridiculous.

I didn‘t lie alot when I was a child, I was a pretty bad lier. I can tell lies now. I assume it’s a learned behavior. Sometimes, I even do it automatically, but I pretty much hate myself when I‘m doing it.

I don‘t want to generalize, but I don‘t understand why some women want to be lied at. „How does this dress look on me?“ I don‘t understand it. Fortunately, I can tell white lies now.

people simultaneously want to be excused from trouble, and to be reassured in the process. that is the utility of the "little white lie."

I'm fairly good at lying. I was in trouble aLOT as a kid because of my various issues & bullies lying on me to get me in trouble. I eventually learned that lies can be more believable than the truth sometimes & I started lying to come up with more believable explanations for things to avoid being in trouble or embarrassed. I don't lie a whole lot but I can lie if I feel the need & have a chance to think. I also have been accused of being manipulative but I was not accused of being manipulative by lying. I've been told I get away with being lazy by making others believe I have problems doing things for myself that I'm capable of doing. & when I was depressed & kept talking about it, I was accused of being manipulative for attention.

I don’t think it’s that we’re incapable of lying at all. I just think that the neurotypical social world in general is very phony with a lot of people engaging in constant role playing, deception and “playing the game.” This is something that people on the spectrum are not wired for. It’s not that we’re incapable of telling even a single lie. It just may seem that way to a lot of neurotypicals who tend to lie almost by default, telling others what they want to hear and constantly remolding their personalities to different situations. To most people this is the “norm.” However, I always found this to be very inauthentic behavior and a sign of narcissism.

I think we can learn to lie and when we discover NT's are so dependent on facial expression to decide if you are honest or not, we can learn to manipulate them, as well. I suppose we have to, really. How often have you had to feign interest in some trivial crap that an NT is concerned about? Basically, we learn to tell people what we want them to believe. They need to be shielded from how icily logical we can be.

Anyone can lie but its a matter of being good at it. Most autistics are not really good at it. I know I'm not good at lying for anything

I think autistic people prefer logic. Lying implies a social element is involved (lying to someone else or lying to "oneself" but in reality lies to oneself are really indirectly created to appease someone else and are therefore part of the social element), and where the social element is involved there is a corresponding emotion involved. You feel "Something" everytime you interact with another human being (some with animals as well). All humans capable of communicating lie. Autistic people prefer to be honest, because it is most rational, least malicious, and avoids extended emotional expression.

it took me decades to learn the importance of little white lies.