Advantages of Diagnosis

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Hi, this is my first post so forgive me if I'm a little long-winded.

I am 41-years-old and have finally figured out the common link between a whole lot of what I always thought were unrelated physical and psychological "quirks" that I've had throughout my life. That link is Asperger's. I am not here for myself, however, but for my 8-year-old daughter, who I also think is likely an Aspie.

Let me explain a bit about both of us. As for my own symptoms, I have all the personality oddities that one would expect from an Aspie so I won't bore you with an explanation. Sensory-wise, I have many sleep issues ranging from difficulty sleeping to sleep paralysis to hypnagogic and auditory hallicunations. I have had more fainting spells than I could hope to count in the last 25 years and I also have Raynaud's. There are many more minor sensory issues but those are the big ones. I also have an IQ in the low 130s and went to an Ivy League school although I dropped out after 3 years due to social ineptitude that eventually led me to stop going to class. When I first entered the university and took the math entrance exam, I received ... "the highest score we've ever seen." After I quit school, I took the test for a major police organization and placed 9th out of 25,000. My mother nearly dropped the phone when she saw the score ... the only people who scored higher had military credits. 20 years later, I am still employed by this large police organization and have found comfort in its rigid structure. I get to spend large amounts of time alone on patrol and my interactions with the public follow an easy script. My so-called lack of empathy has served me well in dealing with various tragedies.

But like I said, this isn't about me. If I had figured it out 20 years ago, it might have been different. I am posting because my little girl exhibits so many of the same characteristics as me. Her fainting spells started when she was 2. The sensory overload is triggered by "sticky things" and people or animals in trouble. Socially-speaking, although she does well in situations like Girl Scouts and Dance Class, she often isolates herself from her peers at school and we have been told that she chooses to sit by herself at lunch. We have observed the same thing at the bus stop, where she stands apart from the other kids. She has exhibited a lack of caring for the feelings of other kids although she is by no means cruel in any way. And lastly, in addition to being a generally very happy kid, she is brilliant ... the youngest kid in her class and also the brightest ... far smarter than her Dad was at a similar age.

So this brings me to the topic of my post. I have discussed this with my wife and we both see little advantage in having her "officially diagnosed." Neither of us wants her labelled and neither of us see Asperger's as a hindrance to a success in life. In addition to being smarter than me, she also has one huge advantage that I never had ... a father who understands what she's going through and can help her through the tough times. Her mother and I both want her to be placed in situations where she is forced to use her intelligence to "figure it out" and we fear that sympathy from teachers and peers will ultimately do more harm than good.

I am interested in everyone's thoughts although I will not be responding to posts. Thanks.

Off the top of my head, I'd say try to meet or otherwise try to learn about as many different autistic people as you can. At the moment, your only model of autism is yourself. There's a tendency for people, when they first realize a connection to the autistic spectrum, to assume that all of their personality and other traits are related to autism. It seems to take people a little while to sort out the autism from what is just what is just particular to them. (Or, even more complicatedly, what set of autistic traits one seems to have, which others may not, while understanding that they're all autistic traits, and what the groupings seem to be.) I.e. not everyone on the spectrum, say, has a high IQ and is good with computers and bad with art (to choose an arbitrary, stereotypical example).

Even though she is your daughter, she is not a clone, so there may be assumptions you're making about how she functions internally that aren't going to be the same.

Ok, I guess that's all I have to say. Good luck to the you and your family!