I'm deathly afraid I won't make it dorming at college

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I've just been accepted at a few good colleges, and I'll be transferring over from community college shortly. I don't think I'll be able to successfully dorm with another person. I get distracted extremely easily, I'm super awkward to hold anything more than a ten minute conversation with, and I like some alone time as well.

Staying home and commuting doesn't seem like an option right now. I feel like I have to leave my place eventually, and now would be the opportune time to test how I'll handle myself alone in the real world. Sure, I have a job. Sure, I try and socialize. But when it comes down to it, I eventually find myself feeling socially awkward, easily distracted, irritable, etc. I don't know how much of this is due to my family being a bit dysfunctional, but right now I'm working on what I do know and what I CAN control.

Overall, I just feel like the dorm life is going to be way too overwhelming for me. Hell, you don't even get a personal bathroom/shower as far as I know. I'm a routine-oriented person and sometimes I get irritable with the people I live with. Also, I'm anxious pretty much every second I'm away from home. Also, I suffer from ADHD as well.

Questions are starting to race through my head. How will I sleep? I need 100% peace & quiet when I sleep. I feel awkward 24/7 around others. How will I live with someone I don't even know? It's bad enough that I'm starting to doubt myself majoring in psychology (I don't think I have what it takes to be a psychologist..so much socializing/interaction), but I don't even think I can do something as simple as successfully live with another person.

As I've mentioned, my family is a bit dysfunctional, and I didn't have the greatest childhood growing up. In fact, we're 4 people crammed into a 2 person apartment right now and struggling to pay the bills. My dad doesn't talk to my family anymore. I just don't know I would be able to function at school.

Anyway if I do dorm and end up failing hard, I'll be wasting a ton of money my family doesn't have. We are considered below the poverty line. I hate to make things dramatic, but I feel very overwhelmed right now. Does anyone have experience dorming at college?

Is it necessary to live in the dorms at your school? Could you maybe get a studio apartment or something instead. I tried doing the whole roommate thing in college and it always ended in disaster.

One of the attractions for my undergrad university was that I could drive there, and keep living at home until I graduated. That saved me a ton of money. Living in the dorms just isn't worth it from the standpoint of economics alone, quite aside from the social issues. Would your parents rather pay for you to stay elsewhere than keep you at home? I lived in university housing during my Ph.D. and, if I could do it over using an arrangement similar to the one I'm in now for work, I would gladly have the money back.

Can you afford your own apartment? Since I am so picky about music, I wish I would have rented an apartment instead of staying in a dorm. The dorm was really noisy and I could hear songs I couldn't stand at all hours of the day and night. I would leave my dorm room and return to my regular home just to escape the noise.
Staying in an apartment might be less stressful.

I lived in the dorm in college and had mixed experiences.

My first roommate was a friend from high school and we tended to do a lot of things together. Rather quickly, however, we started getting on each others' nerves badly. He was the oldest child of four and had a bit of a "mother" type personality. And I, being my aspie self, was extremely resistant to his attempts to change my routines for the "better." All-in-all, it was bad and I'm amazed we still communicate the little we do.

My second roommate was nearly the perfect roommate an aspie could ask for. He kept to his side of the room, was perfectly happy with both of us ignoring one another, and never invaded my space. We got along great. The only downside was he had kinda crappy hygiene, but I've always had a poor sense of smell, so it barely bothered me.

< Sorry eatingcereal - didn't mean to mince your post with the quotes! >

About your query: Likely best if you do not stay in a dormitory and you gave more than sufficient reasons as to why not. Also, legally, you do not have to. If you have an official Dx then you contact your to-be college (and soon) - speak with Student Disabilities Services (or the equilavent, such as HR). You may stay instead in a private ensuite (if that's available). Or, alternatively, you may be allowed to room separately and there are definitely arrangements than can be made. As you stated, college is an investment and your education is paramount!

Do not let the dorm situation let you down - you do have options. Never 'force' yourself into a situation you know is not right for you - it never works out. (And I don't mean to be giving you a bunch of 'do not do's', really)

I understand about the financial stress part - - But your college can provide you with suitable alternatives. If I may add? Trust, being in a dorm is way over-rated. Instead, concentrate on what you do best! Best to you and do well in your studies this autumn!

Last edited by LabPet on 23 Apr 2011, 4:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

OP, you're probably right. I tried to make friends with everyone on my floor freshman year and became "the weird guy everyone makes fun of and pranks." You might become "Chad's sketchy roommate who we know nothing about and never see"

Sophomore year, I lived in an apartment with two other guys, but I got my own room. That was ideal for me. I didn't feel lonely and isolated, yet I had my own room to retreat to in case Mike invited ten of his friends over.

If your university requires freshmen to live on campus, I'd get registered with the office of disability services and try to explain to them your dilemma. Having your own place is SOOOO much better than living at home. Do it. And if you feel lonely and isolated after a few days without socializing, try to find a bland, inoffensive roommate. A quiet, open-minded person with similar organizational habits and a similar schedule is ideal.

EDIT: Oh, or alternately, get your own dorm room. My college had two single dorms on each floor: one for the RA, one usually empty. After much abuse from the kids on my floor, I switched buildings and moved into a single room, and that was great. With my inconsistent Aspie social skills, somehow everyone on the new floor liked me. I'd do that if I were you actually. That way you can have your privacy yet still make friends.

Yeah, and I understand that for some Aspies on campus, a great option is to house them with the PhD students. Good idea. PhD students will invariably be studious, serious, and not 'caught up' in the dorm scene. Also, the rooms can be private ensuite and quite nice - fix your own meals.

Or maybe rent your own private apt. nearby (if that's financially doable). Do you have extended relatives with whom you might stay? Another option, sometimes faculty/staff members rent-out a room in their garage or attic or backyard garden/guest house - that would be perfect! You don't need a fancy apartment - just a quiet place of your own. Ask via your college DS.

PSU had floors specific to certain majors, too--figure out what your school offers. You could ask to be housed with the IT majors or the art majors. Nerds are as socially inept as you are, and artsy types will appreciate your eccentricity.

I don't know what you're going to college for, but for me a big part of it was the clean slate, the anonymity of a big university, the opportunity to make new friends. I picked a big party school so that I wouldn't have to switch schools if everyone ended up hating me (and they did!) and so that I could improve my social skills. If you're just going to college to learn and would prefer to avoid people, I guess it doesn't matter. But I would think you want friends.

So I'd go for a single dorm if I were you.

Thanks. But I really wonder how healthy it is to never step out of your comfort zone. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? If finances weren't an issue, I would most certainly give this a try. But I know how much of a loner I am at this point and it scares me to waste money on something I might not be able to handle. The thing is, I'm curious myself as to how much of my problems are due to my home environment, so getting away could be beneficial. It's a difficult situation to be in, especially because I don't have an official DX (and that won't happen anytime soon as I don't have health insurance).

I would try to just see if you can get a whole dorm room to yourself, even if it's in the most run down dorm where the bathroom is down the hall. The cost of getting a whole dorm room to yourself will still be cheaper than getting an apartment where you have to pay extra for your own furniture and utilities.

I studied my degree externally so I never had to stay in a dorm, I did however endure sharehouse living for 7 years before this, and during that time I learnt a lot about people and how they live, though at times it was very stressful. Often the most valuable experiences are learnt through hardship, and from such you can learn a lot about yourself too.

That said, I have lived alone for several years now and value my peace. If you can find a situation where you are in a good social environment but still have the opportunity to retreat back to solitude. That in my opinion is the best option.

you could try getting a whole dorm room yourself i think that would work well.

my first year in college in the dorms was one of the most fun in my life. there was always interesting people around, but i could easily be by myself whenever i wanted

I usually try to offer encouraging advice if I can, but honestly, in this case, I think dorm life and Asperger's is a train wreck waiting to happen. Just for starters, the kind of stuff that goes on in college dorms; particularly bad housekeeping, germs, bragging amongst roommates about stinky feet, having to share bathrooms and showers with many people, etc etc, would have stopped me from any kind of studying, and would quite honestly have scared me. I bet there are plenty of NT people trying to push you into it, and I think it's a mistake!

Charles

If you're thinking about living in a dorm because the school requires you too, most schools have a medical exemption policy. That's what I did. I just got a letter from a doctor saying it was in my best interest for me to live off-campus, because I require peace and quiet and alone time. Usually a 1-bedroom apatment is less expensive than a dorm and if your family is low-income you can probably get scholarships and grants to pay for a lot, including housing.

If you do end up living in the dorms, remember that the gym and library can be your best friends! Gyms have showers and the library has peace and quiet. Gyms are also quite peaceful if you get there early enough. I spent the first year of my college career in the library, lol. It was a lot easier to concentrate on studies or sleep if I needed it when I was in my obscure corner of the library away from distractions and people. Music is also good, headphones and an mp3 player, to drown out all the noises that you don't like.