What does it mean to forgive?

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I have trouble understanding the concept of forgiveness. I can easily forgive someone I care about, because the way I feel about the person overrides any anger I might have toward them. I can do that because it's not something I do actively, it just happens -- it flows out of the good feelings I have for the person. But when it comes to someone I am not close to but has done me serious emotional harm (like being bullied out of a social group), I am stuck, and it has greatly affected my life because the bullying still hurts even many years later.

I have read that forgiving is just letting go of a grudge and bitterness, not necessarily feeling that the person who hurt you did nothing wrong, or that the wrong is something you can live with, but I don't really understand what that means in a practical way.

Are Aspies more likely to hold grudges? And how does one let go of these grudges so that they don't hurt as much?

Anger is one letter short of danger.

Its good for you to forgive, like most of the Ten Commandments.

Holding onto past hurts will only damage yourself in the long run, the object of your dislike is usually blissfully unaware

I can't say I have an answer for this.

I believe in forgiving someone, but I don't forget the transgression. If you betray me, I know you are a betrayer and would be an idiot to ever trust you until you earn the privilege of being trusted.

I suppose you could say forgiveness would amount to being willing to give someone the opportunity to regain your trust. Yes, you would look at them with a jaded eye, but you would be willing to let them prove that they are redeemable or not.

Does that mean if someone consistently hurts you that it's okay to just cut them off entirely? I think it's okay as it's a matter of protecting yourself from harm, but does that equate to not forgiving them?

The bible says that when God forgives you of your sin, God "chooses not to remember" it anymore. Is that what we are expected to do?

Forgiveness is traditionally defined as cancelling a debt. In the context of this post, it is giving up your right to hurt the person who hurt you.

I don't think that we're necessarily supposed to forget the wrongs that other people have committed against us, though we may end up doing so later on. I think the notion of giving that person a chance to regain your trust is a very good one, as well. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you end up allowing them to hurt you again--you remain cautious, but because you've forgiven, you might give that person opportunities to regain your trust in the area in which they hurt you. Of course, this can work to varying degrees of success, depending on the type of hurt that was inflicted--you may just be better off staying away from that person if the hurt was very severe.

If the person is unapologetic, forgiveness then comes from your heart--giving up the feelings of vengeance and retaliation you might feel. I'm a Christian, so for me, praying for that person tends to go a long way in forgiving them, as well. I can give God my "right" to hurt that person back, and since God knows that person's heart, he can decide if some sort of punishment is necessary or not. This is what the scripture means when it says, "Vengeance is mine..." Obviously, this type of forgiveness does not include trusting that person again, though.

I also think understanding a person's intentions typically goes a long way toward what I would call "true forgiveness" (forgiving and fully trusting that person again--the kind that God gives us when he forgives us). This is something that you could practice with some friends and family members, but you might not have the luxury of discussing motivations with someone you don't know well. This sort of forgiveness is very Biblical, as well. God asks us to confess our sins that we might be forgiven--I'd argue the same applies to interpersonal relationships.

Oh--I'm new here, by the way! I've been lurking for a little while and finally decided to register. Hope this is a good first post. It's a bit of a wall of text, but I hope it's informative!

Forgiveness is traditionally defined as cancelling a debt. In the context of this post, it is giving up your right to hurt the person who hurt you.


This is a good way to phrase it, I think. It's pretty hard though when the person in question is still transgressin' all over you.

BTW Welcome to WP GuitarMan270
I lived in Richmond for about 20 years.

To forgive means to let all of grudges and move on. It means to leave old resentments in the past.

I ignore more times than I forgive. Most times I forget and get reminded of what someone has done to me. I will let it go but will dwell on it at times. I see no point to forgive someone that will hurt you over and over again in the exact same way.

I remember growing up in a church that we HAD to forgive, so not forgiving people actually feels more liberating to me.