Being on the losing side in a dispute

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swbluto
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15 May 2011, 12:15 pm

Have you ever been a dispute with someone that aroused the passion of your peers (In real life), and then the person started dishing out the assault one sentence right after another (As if attacking you with a verbal firehose) and not giving you enough time to think and respond, and then other peers in the crowd immaturely said "Right on!" and "Pwned" and all that bull crap, and then you realized your problem wasn't that your position was "wrong", but rather you weren't as quick/articulate as the other person and thus your losing was more due to your verbal abilities than the inherent correctness of your position, and you thought everybody's judgment was based on 'stupid' qualities (Like articulateness / 'quick thinking' and/or loudness and/or lots of talking) and you thought the crowd wasn't worth it anyways, so you automatically considered everyone else stupid and they also thought you were "stupid", but you didn't care because they were stupid and superficial for judging 'correctness' on meaningless irrelevant qualities?

It reminds me of a particular category of debate when your whole objective is to simply "flood the opponent" with objections and appeal to pathos (Feeling / empathy) until the time runs out rather than argue on the basis of logic and reason. I seriously thought how on earth could such a debate style be officially sanctioned? That is STUPID.



Last edited by swbluto on 15 May 2011, 3:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.

abyssquick
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15 May 2011, 12:27 pm

swbluto wrote:
Have you ever been a dispute with someone that aroused the passion of your peers (In real life), and then the person started dishing out the assault one sentence right after another (As if you attacking you with a verbal firehose) and not giving you enough time to think and respond, and then other peers in the crowd immaturely said "Right on!" and "Pwned" and all that bull crap, and then you realized your problem wasn't that your position was "wrong", but rather you weren't as quick/articulate as the other person and thus your losing was more due to verbal properties than the inherent correctness of your position, and you thought everybody's judgment was based on 'stupid' qualities (Like articulateness / 'quick thinking') and you thought the crowd wasn't worth it anyways, so you automatically considered everyone else stupid and they also thought you were "stupid", but you didn't care because they were stupid and superficial for judging 'correctness' on meaningless stupid properties?

It reminds me of a particular category of debate when your whole objective is to simply "flood the opponent" with objections and appeal to pathos (Feeling / empathy) rather than argue on the basis of logic and reason. I seriously thought how on earth could such a debate style be officially sanctioned? That is STUPID.


Yes, a lot of interactions with 'normal' people are in the form of a "ping-pong" type of debate, a combatitive type of interaction without any sense of inquiry, thoroughness, or fine detail. Here, I find just as you do, that the integrity of the concept does not matter so much as the articulation, maneuvering, repetition, pandering, or loudness of it. It's about dominance, and an unseen cathexis in the ideas, I think (something maybe we all could care less about). I find this odd, as I prefer open and vulnerable discourse, with as few assumptions as possible. I will totally abandon something if my understanding is changed, deconstructed, or undermined logically - but always I see this as progress. I won't change anything if the person I'm conversing with has faulty logic, uses personal attacks, or any of the above tactics irrelevant to the subject itself. A concept is an independent entity, and should be fleshed out, explored, tested on it's own internal merits and congruence with observed reality...



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15 May 2011, 12:36 pm

When I get into an argument like that, I "lock up" (meltdown I suppose), so instead of trying to respond and going into a rage or crying I just silently and utterly ignore them. If needed I can then go to someone else with authority to sort the issue out.

There is a name I can't remember that directly describes the debate style where you attack the other person instead of actually argue the point. I think there is also one for when you base on argument on that you are a good person (or organised, or smart, or experienced, etc) so your stance is valid, which is of course not a valid argument.



swbluto
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15 May 2011, 12:39 pm

abyssquick wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Have you ever been a dispute with someone that aroused the passion of your peers (In real life), and then the person started dishing out the assault one sentence right after another (As if you attacking you with a verbal firehose) and not giving you enough time to think and respond, and then other peers in the crowd immaturely said "Right on!" and "Pwned" and all that bull crap, and then you realized your problem wasn't that your position was "wrong", but rather you weren't as quick/articulate as the other person and thus your losing was more due to verbal properties than the inherent correctness of your position, and you thought everybody's judgment was based on 'stupid' qualities (Like articulateness / 'quick thinking') and you thought the crowd wasn't worth it anyways, so you automatically considered everyone else stupid and they also thought you were "stupid", but you didn't care because they were stupid and superficial for judging 'correctness' on meaningless stupid properties?

It reminds me of a particular category of debate when your whole objective is to simply "flood the opponent" with objections and appeal to pathos (Feeling / empathy) rather than argue on the basis of logic and reason. I seriously thought how on earth could such a debate style be officially sanctioned? That is STUPID.


Yes, a lot of interactions with 'normal' people are in the form of a "ping-pong" type of debate, a combatitive type of interaction without any sense of inquiry, thoroughness, or fine detail. Here, I find just as you do, that the integrity of the concept does not matter so much as the articulation, maneuvering, repetition, pandering, or loudness of it. It's about dominance, and an unseen cathexis in the ideas, I think (something maybe we all could care less about).


It really is all about dominance, and verbal dominance at that, rather than the actual truth of the concept being fully explored - it seems there's a simplistic "my side" / "their side" dichotomy and if you ever try to straddle the fence or entertain arguments that could support their side or work against your side, it seems they get a bit confused as apparently the whole concept of debate with normal people is that "you win" and "they lose", rather then exploring the actual concept and its validity and implications regardless of your position. It seems most normal people really care about the "social power" dynamics between individuals rather than 'truth', and if you're on the less powerful side because you're not loud enough or quick enough or don't appeal to emotion as well as the other person, then by god, you *must* be incorrect. :roll:



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15 May 2011, 12:47 pm

I find this very often in politics. It's all "the dominant side in ussuns" v "themmuns". Difference of opinion is not tolerated. How does one deal with people like that?

It really is all about dominance and power rather than understanding. Trying to debate with these people is dangerous as they seem to want to win at all costs.



abyssquick
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15 May 2011, 12:58 pm

swbluto wrote:
abyssquick wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Have you ever been a dispute with someone that aroused the passion of your peers (In real life), and then the person started dishing out the assault one sentence right after another (As if you attacking you with a verbal firehose) and not giving you enough time to think and respond, and then other peers in the crowd immaturely said "Right on!" and "Pwned" and all that bull crap, and then you realized your problem wasn't that your position was "wrong", but rather you weren't as quick/articulate as the other person and thus your losing was more due to verbal properties than the inherent correctness of your position, and you thought everybody's judgment was based on 'stupid' qualities (Like articulateness / 'quick thinking') and you thought the crowd wasn't worth it anyways, so you automatically considered everyone else stupid and they also thought you were "stupid", but you didn't care because they were stupid and superficial for judging 'correctness' on meaningless stupid properties?

It reminds me of a particular category of debate when your whole objective is to simply "flood the opponent" with objections and appeal to pathos (Feeling / empathy) rather than argue on the basis of logic and reason. I seriously thought how on earth could such a debate style be officially sanctioned? That is STUPID.


Yes, a lot of interactions with 'normal' people are in the form of a "ping-pong" type of debate, a combatitive type of interaction without any sense of inquiry, thoroughness, or fine detail. Here, I find just as you do, that the integrity of the concept does not matter so much as the articulation, maneuvering, repetition, pandering, or loudness of it. It's about dominance, and an unseen cathexis in the ideas, I think (something maybe we all could care less about).


It really is all about dominance, and verbal dominance at that, rather than the actual truth of the concept being fully explored - it seems there's a simplistic "my side" / "their side" dichotomy and if you ever try to straddle the fence or entertain arguments that could support their side or work against your side, it seems they get a bit confused as apparently the whole concept of debate with normal people is that "you win" and "they lose", rather then exploring the actual concept and its validity and implications regardless of your position. It seems most normal people really care about the "social power" dynamics between individuals rather than 'truth', and if you're on the less powerful side because you're not loud enough or quick enough or don't appeal to emotion as well as the other person, then by god, you *must* be incorrect. :roll:


It the "two model" approach, whereby damaging one "side" somehow validates the other, no matter what the other side's concept actually is. It is a type of dualism, and it is completely false logically. It is one of the most common types of thinking out there. I see it rather conspicuously in politics and religious debates.



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15 May 2011, 1:07 pm

I will often go into the other person's concept, unfold it and try to explore it, to see it's basis, assumptions, where it leads. This inquisitive act itself seems to confuse people, as though I ought to be staying on "my side" of the fence and arguing in favor of my own ideas, rather than exploring the merits of everything on the table.



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15 May 2011, 1:13 pm

swbluto wrote:
then the person started dishing out the assault one sentence right after another (As if you attacking you with a verbal firehose) and not giving you enough time to think and respond


This is a sensory processing problem specifically related to autism, which is what makes us especially vulnerable to bullying.


The irritating part is, if the debate were in a written forum, where you had time to think and consider your position, you could win hands down based on sheer logical reasoning. In my experience, the other party is almost always arguing from an emotional point of view, having not stopped to seriously consider all the implications of their position.


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15 May 2011, 1:59 pm

swbluto wrote:
Have you ever been a dispute with someone that aroused the passion of your peers (In real life), and then the person started dishing out the assault one sentence right after another (As if you attacking you with a verbal firehose) and not giving you enough time to think and respond, and then other peers in the crowd immaturely said "Right on!" and "Pwned" and all that bull crap, and then you realized your problem wasn't that your position was "wrong", but rather you weren't as quick/articulate as the other person and thus your losing was more due to your verbal abilities than the inherent correctness of your position, and you thought everybody's judgment was based on 'stupid' qualities (Like articulateness / 'quick thinking' and/or loudness and/or lots of talking) and you thought the crowd wasn't worth it anyways, so you automatically considered everyone else stupid and they also thought you were "stupid", but you didn't care because they were stupid and superficial for judging 'correctness' on meaningless irrelevant qualities?

It reminds me of a particular category of debate when your whole objective is to simply "flood the opponent" with objections and appeal to pathos (Feeling / empathy) until the time runs out rather than argue on the basis of logic and reason. I seriously thought how on earth could such a debate style be officially sanctioned? That is STUPID.


Argue on the basis of logic and reason? No such thing, man. The very definition of an argument/debate/dispute does not allow for such niceties as logic and reason. A discussion or a conversation allows for such fervent dialogue, but you rarely see that today in a group setting. The crowd wants to be entertained, and logic is boring. That's so third grade.



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15 May 2011, 2:10 pm

Yeah,, that sort of bullying has been one of my major reasons, not to go to big birthdayparties. - And other "social" occations!
I just feel so insdequite, and isolate myself, if not able to withdraw... I rather protect myself, than face a, almost certain, meltdown!



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15 May 2011, 2:33 pm

I really dislike that when it happens.

And for that matter, I have had it happen to me online. I can still compose my replies with logic, but when you are facing multiple people who disagree with your starting premise and seem to have learned how to debate from the 4chan school of social bullying, the outcome is roughly the same. No one bothers to read your replies very closely and cheers on the crude attempts at witty repartee hurled your way.



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15 May 2011, 2:44 pm

I'm tempted to post a link to a so-called "philosophy" forum where you can see me, last year, being pulled apart limb from limb, with the moderators of the forum colluding with the bullies. (That's the worst: when those who should represent logic, reason, reality, fairness, justice, sanity, and all that sort of thing, don't.) But I'd better read it all again myself first, and I'm not quite ready for that! (Also I've had much worse happen in Real Life.)

(Edit: I started to read over two of the threads, but it has all by now become so tedious, even for me, that I couldn't be bothered to finish either of them! I remember the gist of what happened, and it was bitter, but it would be hard work for anyone else to extract the gist from all that verbiage. It wouldn't be as entertaining or instructive as I imagined.)


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Last edited by Twirlip on 15 May 2011, 2:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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15 May 2011, 2:53 pm

Yeah, that stinks. Pointless to try to use logic in that moment.

That said, people have pointed out that I've thrown out too many logical arguments, too fast for them to answer. I don't consider my bullying by intellect superior to bullying by social pressure.



swbluto
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15 May 2011, 4:32 pm

Verdandi wrote:
I really dislike that when it happens.

And for that matter, I have had it happen to me online. I can still compose my replies with logic, but when you are facing multiple people who disagree with your starting premise and seem to have learned how to debate from the 4chan school of social bullying, the outcome is roughly the same. No one bothers to read your replies very closely and cheers on the crude attempts at witty repartee hurled your way.


It really does seem most normal people are driven more by entertainment and emotion than correctness, so the 'wittier'/'funnier'/'more entertaining' person usually 'wins' in a normal social setting. It seems that most of the time it's more of a popularity contest than anything (The person who is the most likable and has the most likable replies / opinions is apparently the winner. :roll:).



Last edited by swbluto on 15 May 2011, 5:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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15 May 2011, 5:31 pm

Yes, that happens to me. I think the important question is, "Does this argument matter?" If it doesn't, or if the other person will never listen to you no matter how well you articulate your ideas, then it makes more sense to drop it.


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15 May 2011, 6:32 pm

It's not about having the better argument, it's about "winning." And what leads to "winning" is not necessarily logic, facts, or otherwise having the better argument.

My interpretation of that phenomenon is that it's a short-circuit that evolved because winning arguments affects social status/social power. And whenever those are involved, things becomes 'dirty.' My guess is that the ability to sway the opinions of others is (evolutionarily) more important that being correct/logical/factual.