Aspergers and women and girls

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The good thing about my mother being one of the leaders of a boy scout troop is that I got to go camping with them. It was quite fun. Because I was the only girl people would buy stuff for me and kinda spoil me. I also got to do things like archery and boy scouts taught me how to tie knots though I only remember one. It was always kinda funny for me to go on camping trips with boy scouts and then go on trips with girl scouts because the girl scouts stuff was prissy. In boy scouts we would use tents, go hiking and fishing, cook over firess, etc but in girl scouts we would only stay in cabins with heating and A/C. There was no archery and very little cooking. Instead we would do arts and crafts which is like torture to me. I would rather go fishing then put beads on a string any day.

No, I'm some woman with bad B.O. and a terrible haircut.

OK, joking.

But more seriously, in the appearance department I'm not one who makes a huge effort.


Clothes wise, I can't wear anything that's too tight OR too loose and airy as I hate both sensations. So generally I wear loose jeans & t-shirt and a hoody.
Hair wise, I can't be bothered. My husband runs the clippers over it every month or so and that keeps it in check at about 2 cm long all over.
Washing/Showering wise - I shower maybe once a week when I remember unless I am doing something that I am aware makes me sweat a lot (like when I'm away at my special interest workshops) and then I'll shower every evening before bed or first thing every morning. I might wash my hair in between my once or twice weekly showers if I can't get it to tidy up with a quick run through of the fingers.
I never wear make up or perfume, and rarely apply deodorant/antiperspirant. I don't like the smell, texture, taste of these things and also can't be bothered.
I try to brush my teeth every morning and evening, but I don't like doing it so often it's just a very quick cursory brush which doesn't really do much apart from make my mouth taste minty.

People don't tend to notice me much so I must be doing alright, appearance wise.

I do look significantly younger than my age and am often considered by people to be in my early 20s, even though I'm actually heading quickly towards 40. Sometimes I even get mistaken for a teenage boy by virtue of my short hair, young face and clothing and am often called "son" by shop assistants etc. I was once, not that long ago, shouted at in a queue in the womens toilets that the boys toilets were next door! It doesn't bother me when this happens because I know who I am, but I always find it amusing when someone leaps to my "defence" because I don't need defending, and it most cases people are extremely embarrassed when they find out the truth because they really didn't mean it in any offensive way.


I have never been particularly attached to being a girl/woman, but I have never had any particular wish/desire to be male either. I don't dislike my female body, but I don't particularly like it either. It just is.

I am married, and have sex with my husband regularly (though not as often as he would like) and I enjoy this because he enjoys this, but I feel asexual - I am not, and have never really been, interested in sex. I have never shared this with my husband but I am sure he knows. For me it is much more important for me to feel cared for and loved in a relationship and this is generally through what people do for me than through sex or what people say to me.

I have always tended to get on better with men than women (or boys than girls when I was younger). I think this is because my interests have tended to be more male-stereotypes than female (I used to do a lot of camping, rescue and survival training as a teenager, loved getting messy & dirty and physical activities, and was also very interested in maths, science & engineering - which is what I went on to study at University), and also because men in general tend to communicate in a more straight-forward way than women in general - obviously there are exceptions.

I also tend to get on better with other people who feel like they are misfits for whatever reason (often because of their gender identity or sexuality); generally they seem more tolerant than others, and my differences are accepted for what they are and so are my strengths and weaknesses rather than being something that marks me out as "odd". I suspect that because these are the people I spent most of my life around this is one reason why the real nature of my differences (ASD) wasn't picked up sooner.

Nevertheless, in spite of finding acceptance within these groups I have still always felt "on the the outside edge of the group" - being accepted but never quite "getting it" or being able to make friends. That probably doesn't make sense.

Hmmm... there is a lot more .... but perhaps I'll do that in another post later. I should be working now ...

Last edited by YellowBanana on 18 Jul 2011, 8:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

yay!

When I was a kid I was definitely a tomboy. Now that I'm older I'm a lot more girly, and definitely not asexual at all. In fact I like to show my feminine side in what I hope is a classy, sexy but non smutty way.

I struggle to keep hygiene concious, mostly because I keep my schedule so hectic. But I wont go more than three days without a shower, clean my teeth everyday and use a good deodorant. A big difference to when I was a kid. I started to take care of myself to try and boost my confidence, and I must say it worked

I'm artistic in writing; I love to write poetry and short stories based on my past experiences.

I am undiagnosed, but I really feel I have some form of Asperger's. I never even thought about it as a possibility for my lifelong weirdness until maybe 2 years ago.

Anyway, I have a very hard time relating/connecting to others if they do not have some disorder of some kind. The people I get along with best are creative/artistic mentally-ill folks That sounds wrong, but it's true. The majority of my friends have something wrong with them.

As for other things, from childhood-beginning of college I was pretty socially off. Then I somehow figured out how to behave more normally and became more charismatic. Now I think people consider me charming (or so I have been told). I can be very amusing socially, but for me it is like acting and entertainment and that is the role I am playing. Personally, I prefer to be alone and I have never been in a relationship though I am getting quite old at this point.

I'm kind of worried about my future. I still feel like a teenager on the inside. I relate most to teen TV shows, music, movies etc. I don't understand the adult world much at all.

Editing because I realized I never answered your initial question --- So I am gay, but I don't really get along well with other gay women, or feminine straight ones. I am off on my own somewhere. I like to hang out with people who are more tomboyish though. I also like to hang out with guys. I myself wear makeup and have long hair, but I dress like a 15 yr. old boy. I don't feel comfortable wearing girly stuff. I basically wear the same clothes all of the time until they fall apart. I love eye makeup and nail polish because it's colorful. I love really bright colors.

What I was like as a kid:

1) HUGE TOMBOY (got mistaken for a guy a few times)
2) sensory issues out the ying-yang in regards to clothing and food. I ate peanut butter sandwiches for lunch all through elementary school and wore the same outfits all of the time.
3) had lots of guy friends AND girl friends, but always wound up in petty arguments with the girls I could not understand
4) loved reading and writing. I read everything I could get my hands on, especially stuff that I wasn't supposed to from the adult section. My main special interests were in the Titanic, serial killers, and the Holocaust. Needless to say others thought I was weird.
5) I had an eraser collection. Never used any of them, just collected them.

Deleted.

Last edited by smudge on 07 Aug 2011, 5:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've noticed Aspergers tends to go undiagnosed a lot more often in girls and women because the symptoms aren't as noticeable in females as they are in males. I've also believed the AS traits are quite different in females. Unfortunately, because there are so many guys with AS, its hard to find girls who are similar to us!

Im diagnosed AS. I got diagnosed late in life at the age of 31 Im now 38. I agree that AS isnt as noticable in women then in men and I constantly get accused of faking, pretending having a disability because I act so normal most of the time, the only time you are able to notice that I have a disability is when ceratin situations accur such as friends involving me in dramas and personal Issues which I dont understand and when people tend to get to close to me and touch me and loud noises I tend to have a aspie meltdown and become aggressive.

Im abit of a tomboy and tend to connect alot better with men than women I find that I dont understand my own gender and I dont understand gossiping or rumours. I rather sit with the boys having a beer talking about the footy or helping fix a car engine than doing nails and having my face painted with makeup. I have no dress sense and I wear what I feel is comfortable which is denim shorts, funny shirts, computer game shirts, science fiction shirts and bright coloured out there shirts and surfing shirts with boys shorts and surfing jumpers and computer game jumpers. I also wear tracksuit pants, half cut pants. Im not into wearing dresses or skirts or wearing reveling clothes yuk.

I love cars, playing horror, war and violent computer games, watching the football and car races, I love getting dirty and getting dirt under my nails and I dont care whether I break a nail, love 4x4 wheel driving, dirt bike riding, mountain bike riding, skateboarding, skating and doing extreme, Insane, adrenalin sports.

I also tend to feel comfortable and gel with other AS men and I have three AS male friends that I get along with very well and hang out with. I find I can have a decent conversation about certain subjects and stay interested and focused without getting bored or losing concentration. I find my mind wonders into my own world when I hang out with my three female friends and I get bored easily when they are constantly complaining about each other, gossiping and talking about female subjects I dont understand and that Im not interested in I have a habit of just shuting off and falling alseep.

The jobs I have had have not been typical womens jobs and my work ethic is I am satisfied when I come home of a hard days work totally echausted sweaty, dirty and full of grease all over me. I worked in the music industry as a Roadie loading and unloading trucks for bands and setting up the stage for bands for many years its a very dirty, sweaty, high pressured, on call, hard work job but I loved it.

Thats me I hope I explained that right. Im diagnosed AS. I got diagnosed late in life at the age of 31 Im now 38. I agree that AS isnt as noticable in women then in men and I constantly get accused of faking, pretending having a disability because I act so normal most of the time, the only time you are able to notice that I have a disability is when ceratin situations accur such as friends involving me in dramas and personal Issues which I dont understand and when people tend to get to close to me and touch me and loud noises I tend to have a aspie meltdown and become aggressive.

Im abit of a tomboy and tend to connect alot better with men than women I find that I dont understand my own gender and I dont understand gossiping or rumours. I rather sit with the boys having a beer talking about the footy or helping fix a car engine than doing nails and having my face painted with makeup. I have no dress sense and I wear what I feel is comfortable which is denim shorts, funny shirts, computer game shirts, science fiction shirts and bright coloured out there shirts and surfing shirts with boys shorts and surfing jumpers and computer game jumpers. I also wear tracksuit pants, half cut pants. Im not into wearing dresses or skirts or wearing reveling clothes yuk.

I love cars, playing horror, war and violent computer games, watching the football and car races, I love getting dirty and getting dirt under my nails and I dont care whether I break a nail, love 4x4 wheel driving, dirt bike riding, mountain bike riding, skateboarding, skating and doing extreme, Insane, adrenalin sports.

I also tend to feel comfortable and gel with other AS men and I have three AS male friends that I get along with very well and hang out with. I find I can have a decent conversation about certain subjects and stay interested and focused without getting bored or losing concentration. I find my mind wonders into my own world when I hang out with my three female friends and I get bored easily when they are constantly complaining about each other, gossiping and talking about female subjects I dont understand and that Im not interested in I have a habit of just shuting off and falling alseep.

The jobs I have had have not been typical womens jobs and my work ethic is I am satisfied when I come home of a hard days work totally echausted sweaty, dirty and full of grease all over me. I worked in the music industry as a Roadie loading and unloading trucks for bands and setting up the stage for bands for many years its a very dirty, sweaty, high pressured, on call, hard work job but I loved it.

Thats me I hope I explained that right.

Im very aware of my hygiene habits and I have a shower two to three times a day and I put deoderant on even when I goto bed and perfume. I wash my hair everyday and shave my underarms everyday and shave my legs every second day and pluck my hairs on my chin. I have obssesive compulsive disorder and I constantly wash my hands and have a phobia of germs ( which contridicts the fact I love getting dirty and sweaty its wierd to me) my place is like a hospital very clean and tidy. I dont like anyone touching my things when they visit my place or putting things out of order or out of place and I become very aggressive and angrey. When friends come over I get too and disinfect and bleach the place when my friends go home. I wont even let my Mum or Dad touch anything and its an effort for my Mum to help me to do my housework because I just about hit her and get aggressive with her for putting things out of place and touching things. Mum ends up getting so angrey with me that she does what she has to do anyway and ignores me and locks me in my room even when Im crying, screaming and smashing everything and gets what she has to do done.y place or putting things out of order or out of place and I become very aggressive and angrey. When friends come over I get too and disinfect and bleach the place when my friends go home. I wont even let my Mum or Dad touch anything and its an effort for my Mum to help me to do my housework because I just about hit her and get aggressive with her for putting things out of place and touching things. Mum ends up getting so angrey with me that she does what she has to do anyway and ignores me and locks me in my room even when Im crying, screaming and smashing everything and gets what she has to do done.

I'm very good about showering everyday, using deodorant, and brushing my teeth. I'd go crazy if I went a day without taking a shower.

However, I don't like wearing makeup, dresses, high heels, or getting my hair and nails done. I think thats very common in AS girls. I know Eva Cassidy was like this.

I consider myself quite boyish. I am not afraid to get dirty, but I clean up nice too.

The only dead give-away that I'm a girl is my physical appearence. (and maybe some other things... I just can't think of them right now)

Even though I don't like getting all dressed up, the casual clothes I wear are usually very feminine.

I am tomboyish even though I dress semi-femine.
I am very creative, rather savant about it
Kinda quiet untill I feel comfortable with someone then I am goofy
Do have a few hygene probs due to senosry issues, but I am working on improving that
understand animals pretty well
enjoy being alone...it makes me feel so much more alive
kinda good at socializing at a basic level, although it is a performance
I dont understand humans at all...I agree when inventor says we are all mad apes.
I am asexual but not aromantic
I feel like I am emotionally/psychologically half male/half female....so it should be no suprise that I am bisexual
I get along better with guys and other tomboys than girlie girls.
Girlie girls always feel alien to me like they are another species

Jojo

I'm not asexual.

What I find a bit peculiar is that Aspie girls all seem to agree that communicating is a lot easier with males than with females. Strangely enough, I've always found it easier to communicate with females than males. I think it's simply easier to form cross-gender friendships because you're not seen as a social competitor, whereas another person of your own gender would consider you a competitor.

It may also be the fact that the male mind is fairly smutty but that they'll keep silent if a female is around.

I would explain myself as a female Aspie, but I never know where to start.

First, I never showed any unusual signs to concern my parents when I was under 4. I know they wouldn't have been waiting for signs back then, but looking back my mum says that I never showed any signs. The Aspie traits only came out when I started school. But that's all a long story (I've explained this sort of thing in several other threads). It just took them upto I was 8 years old to find a diagnosis for what was wrong, which was AS and Dyspraxia.

My first obsession was Spanish, which started when I was 12. Then when I was 13 it went onto 2 people I knew of (but didn't know to speak to), then the obsession grew into all the people who knew these 2 people, and this lasted up until I was about 17, then I went onto somebody else. This current obsession has still continued to date. So practically, I'm the type of Aspie to get obsessed with people. God knows why some of us get obsessed with people, because people require social knowledge, but hey, I'm not that asocial.

My sensory issues are only noise-related. I don't like loud noises, because they either annoy me, agitate me, frighten me, or hurt my ears. Toddlers make the worst noise in the whole wide world. Bells come next (not church bells, I meant the ones on the wall - God they frighten the s**t out of me just looking at them, let alone hearing them!) But the reasons why I don't like loud noises are more fear-related, not so much sensory-related in my ears. I think my nerves are very hypersensitive, because I jump at any little thing. I've actually been doing it more lately. I don't know why.

I have an anxiety disorder, and having an anxiety disorder on top of AS is very challenging. It's a wonder I'm still alive today. I've been on job-seekers for over 3 years in a row now because the anxiety is holding me back from getting a job, since I've heard all the scary stories on the internet about people with AS being unable to hold down a job and getting the sack for things they done that was not done intentionally. I worries me sick, and although reluctant to look at an employer in the eye and tell them that I have AS (because I'm ashamed of having it), I am still thinking of easier ways to make them aware that I have a disability, because I was always told that people being aware of me disability will help me a lot in life. I may not show many (or none at all) traits, but I still think employers should know about it somehow, because I think that some of my traits might become a little bit visible at in the workplace, because there is more pressure and more social interaction if I'm somewhere in a public environment, (for example, a shop). So I have got in touch with disability employment services and they're helping me out with finding the right employment for me and letting them know about my needs, which has reduced my anxiety a lot, and is making me feel more confident.

I do like a weekly routine. This is why I don't want a job where I'm all over the place. Practically I want a job roughly around 9.00 til 3.00 hours, 3 days a week. My disability employment advisor and my counsellor told me that part-time work will be much better for me than full-time work, to start off with. Anyway, with me, having more time to myself is more important to me than having a bit more money, because I'm not really the sort to go out and spend spend spend anyway. I've got everything I need at the moment. But as long as I am happy enough to be able to settle and feel secure from week to week, there shouldn't be much to worry about.

I wouldn't say I'm bad at socialising, but I must say I go very mute when I'm in a social situation with lots of people who I don't know. I start feeling awkward, and lots of people talking, laughing, joking, etc, make me feel really small. I like to be around people who I know, and people who are used to me, and people who like me for who I am, whether I show much weirdness or not. When I am around those sorts of people, (like family and understanding friends), I feel more happier, and seem to subconsciously show less Aspie traits. When I'm around people who aren't understanding and are bitchy and only value those with more better social skills than me, I feel more Aspie traits show, because I feel more nervous and unconfident with them (for example, my voice goes monotone, I say the wrong things, I don't have anything in common with them and so find it harder to talk to them, and so on). With me, it seems the harder I try to put on an NT front, the more I get tensed up, and it just doesn't work. If I try just a little to put on an NT front, but loosen up otherwise, I find I look more NT than I do when really trying really hard. Lucky for me I understand jokes, sarcasm, tone of voice, face expressions, body language, and emotions. I can empathise too, to the normal level.

And I must say, the only part of social interaction I find really hard (in fact, impossible for me), it standing up for myself. (Criticising me on this doesn't help). I am pretty good in other social areas, but standing up for myself is something I will always find awkward for me. It will just never be a strength of mine.

Lastly, conforming is very tiring for me. I know people say ''be who you are and don't conform'', and although yes that would be easier in the long run, but I don't like standing out and having people laughing at me either. Conforming has helped me get friends, get on dates, and get along generally with other people, which is what I want, because I never got to have many true friends at school, and now it's my turn to actually get a taste of what a real social life is like, and I like it. I like time on my own too, but I still like to see friends and keep in touch. But by conforming, I mean having a hairstyle, wearing make-up, going shopping, reading magazines, watching reality shows like ''X-factor'' and ''Britain's Got Talent'' and ''Take That'', listening to the latest songs, and just being interested in all the mainstream stuff like that. I find it boring.