Opinions on SO having Aspergers

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Recently my SO and I have discussed the possibility that he has aspergers. He is 29. There are MANY things that he does that fit into the description. I have showed him that I will be supportive and want to help him on the things that are having a negative impact on us. He is still having a hard time believing that he is on the spectrum. But I asked him to come here so that he can get opinions from everyone so it does not look like it is just ME telling him this. He knows I am not judging him, but he still wants to try to justify all the things. I tell him when he has 9/10 aspergers traits, it is no longer a coincedence. And thats ok. Here is a list of some things he does or HAS DONE IN THE PAST. Then he is going to log on here and read the responses. Thank you for all the support and knowledge on this site!

Bouncy walk
Stare/gaze (my cousin says its a "creepy" stare)
Hard time communicating
Says he has a 5 second rule in his head. He waits to say something so it doesnt sound stupid.
Fear of saying the wrong or stupid things
Trouble staying motivated
Trouble staying on task
Immature mentality (very)
Loses people's interest with his "over explanation" or confusing explanation
Lacks common sense
Very Naive
Addicted to video games (seriously ADDICTED)
No motivation to finish HS
Anti-social for years
Never lived on his own (meaning nobody else in the house living there)
Never touched another woman (until he turned 28 and met me)
Says rude things sometimes and swears he didnt mean to.
Bad social etiquette.
I've always thought he had a robotic walk , although he says nobody else has told him that. But I say maybe nobody wanted to hurt his feelings.
Completely devoted to me. Almost in an "obsessive" way. Not complaining lol, but it is noticable.
Awkward at sports. He didnt know how to swim when I met him, and he is very awkward at it. He runs in a "different" manner. Almost girly.
Does alot of "copying"
Great at math, horrible at english


Not that everything on the list is negative, I just think none of it is a coincedence.

Yesterday my mom sent him a text message telling him she is proud of him for some things and told him she is always going to be there for him. Well he never responded. When I asked him why he wouldnt have responded to that out of courtesy, he says to me "when your mom texted me I was treating it as a text message and not like she was saying it to me. If she said it to me in person I would feel awkward if I didn't say anything but since it was a text I didn't think I needed to."

To me this doesnt show he is appreciative of their friendship. It doesnt show courtesy or gratitude. It would have been a nice thing to respond with just a simple "thankyou". But he tries to justify it because it was a text, he didnt need to respond, But if it was in person he would feel awkward if he didnt respond.

I would love to work on some things with him, mainly the communication barrier between us and lack of maturity, but I cant until he sees the problem. What is everyone's thoughts?

Internet descriptions are always risky, but it sounds very familiar. Have you had him take any of the online self assessments?

He hasnt taken any yet, we were going to try to find some. Do you have a link for any? Thanks!

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

You seem very agitated with him...

It sounds very much like he has AS.

Thank you for the link:) Yes I get agitated by him at times. Were seeking out options on ways to cope with his behavior. Its not always full of frustration, but its good that we are beginning to understand WHY he has been acting certain ways.

I look forward to reading anymore opinions!

Hey You should bring him over here too. It's much easier talking first hand than secondhand. Unless this account is both of you, in which case, cool.

Yeah, it's possible he has AS. You have enough there to reasonably request an evaluation.

As for what this says about your relationship--very little you didn't already know. You two are different, but NT/AS relationships work out all the time. The important thing is learning to communicate, learning to speak each others' languages, learning to compromise. I think it's probably a lot like having a relationship with somebody from a different culture. After all, AS is for life--it's hardwired and if he has it, it's part of him. In the relationships I see that work out, the AS person loves the NT for being neurotypical, and the NT loves the Aspie for being autistic. You talk about coping with his behavior, but he has to cope with your behavior, too!

It can be rocky at first figuring out you're AS and what that means for you; but if he does end up diagnosed with AS, remember--he's still the same person, and so are you. Nothing's changed. All that's changed is that now you have a name for it that you can use to find strategies that worked for other people with the same thing.

Callista that was great advice, thank you:) I agree with you that having a name for it makes it so much EASIER for us to find ways of communicating better and techniques to help us along.

lets take it one at a time, I'll say whats AS and what isn't.

Phonic, the anti-social part was a few things. He got picked on in school, so he withdrew from hanging out with people. When he was an adult, he would rather go home after work and "socialize" online on his videogames. The video game addiction was more of a way to meet people and socialize as well. He probably found it easier to socialize from behind a computer. He could spend 12 or more hours playing online. Still to this day, he cannot name off but a few friends that he has. Again these are friends he has only really met online. He sometimes doesnt know what to say when we are around other people. Just a hard time fitting in, in general. A doctor once told me that people who are autistic are more drawn to visuals. So the videogames and watching movies constantly might have something to do with it?

BTW thank you for going over the list I made. It helps to know what is more likely AS and what is not. So far, I think he has more things checked off for aspergers than not. We have talked and we both think he doesnt need an "official" diagnosis. Its more of something he should just accept so he can be more at peace with himself. And understand why things happen. Its almost refreshing to know what it is, and I'm ordering some books today to educate us more. He is going to start his own account on here, so he can say what he wants to say and also have a seperate identity from me. Thanks again!

I could also suggest to learn about other similar "disorders" such as ADD. That said, just because certain things don't always fit in with someones understanding of AS, doesn't mean its not AS related, in my understanding of it.

AS can cause an interest in math, and as such cause them to be good at it while excluding english studies. However thats not always the case, as AS can just as easily cause an interest in English. Alot depends on the person and their experiences with, in my understanding of AS. Its a stereotype that all AS individuals are good at math, but it doesn't exclude the possibility that being good at math couldn't have been caused indirectly by being AS.

The same is true for the focusing on an SO IMHO. When i focus on my wife, she feels Im overbearing and obsessional about it, but when my focus goes elswhere, she feels Im abandoning/ignoring her.

Just my two cents

He has no motivation to finish high school? yet he didn't touch another women until he was 28. How long has he been in high school? or do you mean he has no motivation to get his GED?


He sounds like he could have AS. or possible ADHD and depression combination.

Sorry for the confusion lol. I was listing off things from the past and current. The HS thing was from the past, he is 29 now. He dropped out of HS because he did not like going. He got good grades but just did not finish. He wanted to get his GED ever since HS but did not have motivation to do that either. When I met him at age 28 he was again talking about his GED after we were discussing education. I was in college when he met me, so the topic came up. He said he had been saying for 10 years how he wanted to get his GED and go to college. But he just "never did".

I forgot to add that mental illness runs in his family. His mom is bipolar, his brothers are adhd with mental problems(not sure what), his mom says his dad has Schizophrenia. I think his grandmother had something to. That is just of what I know. Not sure about anyone else in his family. But honestly I do not think he has ADD/ADHD. He is very calm, relaxed, gets his job done at work, finishes tests when given to him, reads books, etc.,

His personality and behavior point more directly to Aspergers.

I know not all people with ADD are the same, but I do not think he has that in my opinion.

I bolded the traits that are definitely AS symptoms. Unbolded can be applied to anyone, or they are just stereotypes.