Useless advice from NT's
See if you can come up with any, just for kicks...I have quite a few down below...the question is, are the people giving us this advice naive, or just being polite?? The unfortunate thing is, in the past I've actually gotten some of these from psychiatrists.
#1 - "Just be yourself. If people don't accept you for who they are, they're not worth it."
#2 - "Well, everyone's different in some way...imagine how boring the world would be if we were all the same."
#3 - "Well, I reallly think you just need to listen to what people are REALLY telling you."
#4 - "Well, I've noticed that when you're really interested in something, you seem to be good at it...so just try that approach with other things."
#5 - "You can do these things if you really want to - some people just need to try harder than others."
Contrast #5 above with #6 & #7 below:
#6 - "Well, I think you sometimes just need to stop trying so hard when [insert social situation here], just let it come naturally to you."
#7 - "Try to not overanalyze things so much - sometimes you just need to go with your gut instinct."
#8 - "Well, some people are really good at some things, and some people are really good at other things, so don't let it bother you."
#9 - (This was said by a job counsellor when I asked whether I should disclose Aspergers at an interview; I was between jobs at the time) "Well...I really think you need to get _a feel_ for how they _might_ react if you were to tell them that, then just go with your gut." (I held my laughter just long enough for when I got out of her office.)
#10 - any given religious leader: "I think G** has special plans for you"
So, again I ask the question...are they being naive, or just polite???
I am successful today with a house, wife/daughter, career, and some friends - I still have my struggles, but I don't think my life would have turned out so well if I took the "cliche advice" above.
Well. This one is true to some extent. Basically, anyone that doesn't like me simply because of my quirkiness can go #$*^ themselves.
Other useless advice:
Everybody has those problems (said regarding forgetting names and faces). Don't sweat it.
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Mindslave
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#1 - "Just be yourself. If people don't accept you for who they are, they're not worth it."
#2 - "Well, everyone's different in some way...imagine how boring the world would be if we were all the same."
#3 - "Well, I reallly think you just need to listen to what people are REALLY telling you."
#4 - "Well, I've noticed that when you're really interested in something, you seem to be good at it...so just try that approach with other things."
#5 - "You can do these things if you really want to - some people just need to try harder than others."
Contrast #5 above with #6 & #7 below:
#6 - "Well, I think you sometimes just need to stop trying so hard when [insert social situation here], just let it come naturally to you."
#7 - "Try to not overanalyze things so much - sometimes you just need to go with your gut instinct."
#8 - "Well, some people are really good at some things, and some people are really good at other things, so don't let it bother you."
#9 - (This was said by a job counsellor when I asked whether I should disclose Aspergers at an interview; I was between jobs at the time) "Well...I really think you need to get _a feel_ for how they _might_ react if you were to tell them that, then just go with your gut." (I held my laughter just long enough for when I got out of her office.)
#10 - any given religious leader: "I think G** has special plans for you"
So, again I ask the question...are they being naive, or just polite???
I am successful today with a house, wife/daughter, career, and some friends - I still have my struggles, but I don't think my life would have turned out so well if I took the "cliche advice" above.
The problem with this advice is that the person giving the advice probably doesn't understand the person they are giving the advice to, because otherwise they would likely be more specific instead of spouting cliches. Most of these things I can tell myself, so I don't need other people to tell it to me. The best way someone can help is to be a friend.
They just want to appear to be helpful.
Some others:
* It is easy to make friends. Just go out and do things.
* Smile
* Talk to people
* Learn to have fun
And the #1 dumbest piece of advice that I have ever heard
* Go to a strip club
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"Like lonely ghosts, at a roadside cross, we stay, because we don't know where else to go." -- Orenda Fink
Verdandi
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Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
Well. This one is true to some extent. Basically, anyone that doesn't like me simply because of my quirkiness can go #$*^ themselves.
Other useless advice:
Everybody has those problems (said regarding forgetting names and faces). Don't sweat it.
Everybody has those problems said regarding just about anything.
One person even told me everyone has problems socializing at parties, and I mean, "everyone doesn't sit in a quiet corner and have a shutdown, or try to spend 1/3 the party in the bathroom for some blessed isolation."
I've given myself most of this advice in the last couple of months since I worked out who I was.
Then found the fatal flaw in each line. So far my best idea - one I've been working on for several
years now - is this:
"Go home. Stay home."
I suppose I can't blame unversed NTs for thinking the same things I thought, of myself
_________________
"Aspie: 65/200
NT: 155/200
You are very likely neurotypical"
Changed score with attention to health. Still have AS traits and also some difficulties.
Agreed. Some of the others are not so good, like 9 and 3, but I don't think they suck.
_________________
"The natural world is the greatest source of excitement; the greatest source of visual beauty; the greatest source of intellectual interest. It is the greatest source of so much in life that makes life worth living." David Attenborough
How about...
Yet they never articulate how.
Which underscores their complete ignorance on many levels.
Which is complete BS in my experience....VP's of companies like people who are different. HR people who actually do the hiring like cookie cutter people.
Doesn't help me and underscores ignorance about what AS is all about.
This is just minimizing and underscores an ignorance in the subject of neurology.
I don't. How is this relevant to me?
This has nothing to do with AS and is not relevant to me. Underscores the inability of NTs to empathize with those with AS.
I think sometimes they really believe that this applies to most people and is genuinely helpful. Like # 3 4 5 6 7 and 9, that's the kind of stuff people seem to honestly believe helps you specifically because well, it works for them. They can't imagine that someone can simply not have those same instincts and gut reactions to call upon.
The rest sound like the usual drivel platitudes people spout because they want to give you advice and hope, but have no clue what to say and don't want to admit that (which is odd since admitting that I really don't have good advice but it sounds like what they're going through sucks seems to make people say I'm a good friend for listening - perhaps some double standard I'm not sensing?). So it's easier for them to use a standard cliche. Even if it's about as helpful as a hard drive to a penguin.
I really don't understand this viewpoint. I have been in situations in which someone else is having some difficulty. At a certain point, I just say, "I can't think of an easier way to explain it" or "I am out of ideas." Why is that so difficult to say?
_________________
"Like lonely ghosts, at a roadside cross, we stay, because we don't know where else to go." -- Orenda Fink
Hate this.
I am trying as hard as I can!!
Me too, my mom and step-dad and other people give me that s**t all the time, and it doesn't help at all. Same for this:
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