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MrXxx
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18 Jul 2011, 5:42 pm

MR20 wrote:
I didn't say that a person had to have all of those qualities. You probably only need one or two along with a drive to make it past most of the problems. Sadly I was born with none so I was destined to end up the way I am now.


K.

I'm a little confused. Here you are talking about qualities that people ought to have, and that you didn't say people needed to have them. But I never said you did.

I was responding to what you said in your first post that LOOKS like you are saying that is what people here (on this forum) are like. Not what they should be like, but what they ARE like.

I was wondering how you could know so much about people's lives, personalities and looks based only on what you see here on the forum. Because that's what it looks like your saying.

Quote:
I'm sick of people on this site thinking that other people have the same skills and tools as they do.


"People on this site" sounds to me like you're talking about people on Wrong Planet. Was I wrong?

Quote:
They are born in good families, with good looks, brains, or are able to make friends so they're able to get past most of their problems with Autism/AS.


This sentence immediately follows the first, so I assumed by "They" you meant "people on this site" or, Wrong Planet.

That's how I addressed my response to your first post so I'm a little confused now that your saying, "I didn't say people needed those qualities," because I didn't say you said that.

Anyway, it sure did sound like you were pretty angry when you started this thread, and I'm not sure why because you haven't really explained why. Did something happen? Did someone say something to piss you off?

It's happened to me. It's part of the risk we all take coming here. Look, we're ALL dysfunctional. Some more than others. Some hide it better than others. I might be one of them.

I'm just saying try to keep that in mind is all. As "functional" as you might think some other people here are, I bet it would surprise you if you found out everything about them. I'm pretty good at writing forum posts, but if you knew everything there is to know about me, you'd probably wonder how I managed to accomplish anything with my life.

I'm a mess. So is most everyone here. That's WHY we are here.

You're not alone. People here sometimes piss me off. I sometimes piss other people off. That's what you get when you toss a bunch of Aspies together and cut them loose.

If things happening here start bugging you, probably the best thing to do is take a break from it. I do, for months at a time. Every time I come back, things are great for a while, then the poop hits the fan. That's when I know it's time to get away and do something else for a little while.

It's working pretty well for me now.

Hope that helps.


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MR20
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18 Jul 2011, 5:56 pm

To make it clear I'm talking about people on Wrongplanet with AS/Autism that have gotten to a point in their life that they are truly happy, and have overcome for the most part their disorder that they are able to make friends and date. They give advice on the forums here thinking their way works for everyone. They can't accept the fact that some people can't have friends and-or date. They can't accept that some people born a certain way and there is no hope of happiness for them no matter how hard they try.

That's what I meant when I said this:

Quote:
I'm sick of people on this site thinking that other people have the same skills and tools as they do.


And no one said anything to piss me off per say today. I've just been wanting to say this for a while.



MrXxx
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18 Jul 2011, 6:06 pm

AHA!

Okay, now I understand better. Yup. I know where you're coming from now.

I think most of us know that what works for some doesn't necessarily work for all of us. That's why it's called a spectrum, right? We ALL know that, but we all still have Asperger's. That doesn't go away.

Sure, there ARE a lot of people here who have learned to live with it, and some are actually happy with it, but they've still got it. It doesn't go away just because we've accepted it and learned to be happy.

And, BECAUSE it doesn't go away, the core problems with communication and trouble seeing things from other people's points of view, like your own, doesn't entirely disappear either.

So it's not too much of a surprise, if you think about it, that you might get "advice" like that. "Hey! it worked for me, so it'll work for YOU too!"

Happens all the time here, EVEN though we all ought to know better.

Don't let anyone fool you into thinking they've "cured" themselves. They haven't. There is no cure.

I don't know if this helps at all. That kind of thing is not likely to ever stop. It's part of AS. All I can say is try to keep this all in mind and pace yourself. If things get to be too much and you ever do get pissed, prolly time for a break.


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JohnyJohn
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18 Jul 2011, 6:12 pm

To tell the truth,i started being a bit depressed in the last 3 months,but it was not always like that.Ok,i always hanged out with people,some times had friends.But even when i had,i liked being alone and in my own world and i enjoy my own company.I remember when i went to a trip overseas to a friend,we went to places and pubs but i left the pub and wanted to be on the PC and smoking.Sometimes i want friends but many times i enjoy my own company,i like it very much being alone,provided that i survive with goods.



boxxarom
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19 Jul 2011, 1:09 am

"That was never the case with me. My father was a crackhead and my mom is a schizo so my grandma had to raise me my and sister on just SSI and foodstamps because we were so poor. My house was and is still in such bad condition that we can't use the bathroom because it's rat infested. They're are also holes everywhere and no hot water."

For the house my best advice is to clean it up the best you can and get a job. I worked on a farm when I was 12 for $5 on commission. It took me about 2 hours to fill a bucket with green beans, so thats around $2.50 an hour.....not the best but it helped. I still live in my beat up old house. I took the lower apartment, with my parents living above me. My apartment used to be occupied by drug dealers, and the room I'm in now. (my bedroom) used to have dog crap a foot deep piled up in the center. I worked hard, did the best with what I had, now when people walk in their jaws drop. I fashioned it to look like an asian dojo. It looks nice :D

"I''ll been called stupid and slow by numerous of people throughout my life. I was in special ed for all of elementary, then i was put in regular classes in 6th grade. Needless to say it was hell. I didn't have any friends, people picked on me because i was slow and looked funny, and I couldn't concentrate on my work during class. I flunked all grades through MS but they kept passing me (probably i was "special") I finally dropped out in HS after repeating the 9th grade.
I've been jumped numerous times, had my stuff stolen, humiliated in front of a large group of people. I've also had piss thown on me a couple times. All by "friends" who I cared for at the time. They picked on me even though they knew I didn't have it all, how cruel is that.
It went on like this until finally I locked myself inside my house to play my video games and anime. at least they won't betray, shun, or make fun of me. I don't go anywhere, and I don't have contact with other people unless I'm chatting online. It's been that way for the past 4 years, and it'll probably be this way for the rest of my life."

I'v always been terrible with school, but just try your best. Im doing better in college though. Much different atmosphere.
Now for the bullies, get big, get tough. I used to get made fun of until people found out it wasn't fat hiding under my baggy shirts. :twisted: Turns out doing hard manual labor on farms and autoshops pays more than just money. lol As long as your sitting ion your room alone, you should be working out. Iron barbells won't make fun of you.

"I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts.
Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate.
I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind.
The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found.
There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength.
Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's
impossible to turn back.
The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get
told that you're a god or a total bastard.
The Iron will always kick you the real deal.
The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver.
Always there like a beacon in the pitch black.
I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend.
It never freaks out on me, never runs.
Friends may come and go.
But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds."
-Henry Rollins

You don't even need money to buy weights to workout. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDCxH88-9X8

As for people, I'v never given up. I'v always forced my self into social interactions. Most of the time it doesn't pay off, but when it does, it's well worth it.


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19 Jul 2011, 1:45 am

MR20 wrote:

That was never the case with me. My father was a crackhead and my mom is a schizo so my grandma had to raise me my and sister on just SSI and foodstamps because we were so poor. My house was and is still in such bad condition that we can't use the bathroom because it's rat infested. They're are also holes everywhere and no hot water.

MR20 wrote:
It went on like this until finally I locked myself inside my house to play my video games and anime. at least they won't betray, shun, or make fun of me. I don't go anywhere, and I don't have contact with other people unless I'm chatting online. It's been that way for the past 4 years, and it'll probably be this way for the rest of my life.

Some has to say this, might as well be me. You’re not the only one who was poor, I’m the youngest of eight (six that survived past the age of two and the youngest of five that survived past the age of six) No money no car nor TV until I was eight, I had my first pair of new shoes aged 11 I bought them from money earnt working in my summer holidays, I worked most weekends either picking crops or picking stones out of the fields ready for crops. My school uniform was given to me by the Mother of a friend of my eldest brother who died.
Life is not fair.
Now I have to ask you, did you shoplift your PC, torrent your Anime comics or films or steal your video games, steal the wifi from your neighbours? No….
So you do have money to fix your Rat infested house, you just choose not to spend your money on the house; you just choose to be selfish and spend it on yourself. For half the cost of a anime comic you can get a pack of 15 rat killing bags, to fix your kitchen. For the cost of one PC or console game you can get some cement and fill in the holes where the rats get in. After that you can tidy up and keep the place tidy. Place tidy and with the food and s**t no long all over the place you’ll get less rats and the place will look better. No one owes you a better place, no one owes you a better life, but you can should you choose, you can work your way out, even on food stamps and welfare.
Work on your house do it up, fix the problems and you'll no longer to living in the basement watching anime porn and getting fat and bitter.



TheCaityCat
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19 Jul 2011, 2:02 am

MR20, life is what you make of it. If you're determined to be unhappy, you're going to stay unhappy. I've been there myself.

None of what I have in my life was easy for me to get. NONE of this came because I was pretty or came from a good family or had superior social skills, or any of the things you listed in your first post. I had to start over a couple of times in school. I've been taken advantage of by people more times and for more reasons than I feel comfortable remembering. I used disability accommodations during college and grad school. I saw (and still see) a psychiatrist for social and emotional issues. I've worked since I was 16. And yes, I've lived in my grandma's basement when I couldn't afford to pay rent anywhere.

Life often sucks. I know it does, and I am not trying to invalidate your experiences. You have lots of good reasons to be angry and depressed. You've got a lot of roadblocks. But if you want your life to get better, you will be able to find some way to make it better. If living on the internet and watching anime is fulfilling, then there's nothing wrong with that! Do what makes you happy, if it makes you happy.



YellowBanana
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19 Jul 2011, 4:00 am

TheCaityCat wrote:
MR20, life is what you make of it. If you're determined to be unhappy, you're going to stay unhappy. I've been there myself.


Just ^^this^^

I am sorry you are feeling so badly at the moment, and that you haven't had a good start in your life.

But things can get better if you want them to.

People with situations like yours do it all the time through determination and hard work. These are things that come from you inside you, not from your situation or your looks or social status.

Life is not fair, and it's not easy. But at some point you have to make a choice to either take it on or let it keep you down.


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MR20
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19 Jul 2011, 9:36 am

Tadpole wrote:
Now I have to ask you, did you shoplift your PC, torrent your Anime comics or films or steal your video games, steal the wifi from your neighbours? No….

Yeah I torrent most of my anime.


So you do have money to fix your Rat infested house, you just choose not to spend your money on the house; you just choose to be selfish and spend it on yourself. For half the cost of a anime comic you can get a pack of 15 rat killing bags, to fix your kitchen. For the cost of one PC or console game you can get some cement and fill in the holes where the rats get in. After that you can tidy up and keep the place tidy. Place tidy and with the food and sh** no long all over the place you’ll get less rats and the place will look better. No one owes you a better place, no one owes you a better life, but you can should you choose, you can work your way out, even on food stamps and welfare.

I'm not selfish, I only get a certain amount a money a month so I spend it on things I need and want. Like food (stamps only come on the 19th of every month) and certain bills. The money I have leftover from SSI I spend on myself for games or things like that, it isn't that much.


Work on your house do it up, fix the problems and you'll no longer to living in the basement watching anime porn and getting fat and bitter.

Wow, people are talking about me making assumptions. I'm not fat. I don't live in a basement, and I don't watch any kind of porn.



MR20
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19 Jul 2011, 10:02 am

To the people offering me advice tell me:

Who legitimally respects people like me. People who are ugly, slow and uneducated.

No one wants to be seen in public with someone like that. When I go out I get laughed at or stared at all because how I look. People like me are pitied, shunned, and are treated like they can't do anything right.

How many times have I been asked whether I'm slow or in special ed. Also, it seems like I'm always prey for people that like to take advantage of folks because they know I lack the mental capacity to speak up for myself. That one more reason why I locked myself in my house, to stop that from happening.

Also, it seems most people in this thread giving me advice are in college. This goes back to what I said in the OP:

Quote:
I'm sick of people on this site thinking that other people have the same skills and tools as they do.


I'm not like any of you people. I have nothing more than a 5th grade education, I'm 25 and I can barely do simple fractions. I don't have mental toughness or motivation that you all seem to have. That left me in early teens when I finally realized no matter how hard I tried people will never respect me for who I am, so I stop caring (about anything really).

I have no skills and is horrible around crowds of other people so who would hire me?


I was born a bum and I guess this is how my life was destined to play out.



MrXxx
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19 Jul 2011, 1:54 pm

Soooo....

The whole world craps on me, so I might as well crap on myself?

Think about it.

I'm not going to tell you you don't have it harder than anyone else. You probably do. But no matter who you are, or what advantages you were or were not born with, these two truths apply to EVERYONE:

If you try, there there are no guarantees, but if you try consistently, your chances for success improve.

If you don't try at all, you are guaranteed to fail.

Quit quitting on yourself. If you quit on yourself, there's nothing anyone can do to help you.


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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...


Sweetleaf
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19 Jul 2011, 10:37 pm

MR20 wrote:
To the people offering me advice tell me:

Who legitimally respects people like me. People who are ugly, slow and uneducated.


Well other then the ugly thing(I pesonally do not think I am ugly, and do not care if others think I am ugly) I would fall in the slow and seemingly uneducated catagory, I am fairly educated but if someone already sees me as throw they aren't going to buy it.

No one wants to be seen in public with someone like that. When I go out I get laughed at or stared at all because how I look. People like me are pitied, shunned, and are treated like they can't do anything right.

Are you sure people are laughing and staring at you? I feel like that sometimes too but that is usually just me being paranoid. Also, I have seen pleanty of people who are worse off than what you you have described and people are not laughing at them. Espcially me I am the one bumming ciggerettes or change to them and sticking around for a conversation if they would like. I figure I am not the only one like this. Some people are real assholes but try not to get down on yourself too much about that.

How many times have I been asked whether I'm slow or in special ed. Also, it seems like I'm always prey for people that like to take advantage of folks because they know I lack the mental capacity to speak up for myself. That one more reason why I locked myself in my house, to stop that from happening.

I've had people call me stupid, slow, retarded or treat me like I'm an idiot.....Public school was pretty horrible for me I got picked on/bullied by the other students and sometimes even teachers. I was never too able to speak up for myself and it's still hard for me sometimes because its hard for me to process a lot at once trying to figure out what issue people have with me combined with the emotional response=a lot to process So I would get made fun of even more if I got upset. I admit I am still not totally over any of it I just have to remind myself assholes like that are not worth my time.......its still hard though so I can understand how that is easier said then done.

Also, it seems most people in this thread giving me advice are in college. This goes back to what I said in the OP:
Quote:
I'm sick of people on this site thinking that other people have the same skills and tools as they do.


I'm not like any of you people. I have nothing more than a 5th grade education, I'm 25 and I can barely do simple fractions. I don't have mental toughness or motivation that you all seem to have. That left me in early teens when I finally realized no matter how hard I tried people will never respect me for who I am, so I stop caring (about anything really).

I am pretty sure if I was given a bunch of fraction problems to do I would have no idea where to start, hell I can't even do long division...my math skills are at a 5th grade level, my social skills are not very great. I cannot handle too much stress so there are a lot of jobs I can't do so though I feel confident in some areas there a lot of things I suck at.....I have enough mental toughness to have made it this far with my sanity and my life my motivation is lacking because I have depression and PTSD not a good combination...speaking of that the PTSD also messed with my ability to concentrate on reading. Anyways though I think you are being too hard on yourself.....I mean judging by how you type and form ideas you do not come off as stupid or anything like that. Also I don't seem to get much respect more often I get people telling me to 'get over it' or 'be happy' or things like that which is annoying......I mean all you should feel the need to change are things you want to change about yourself not what other people tell you to do.

"I have no skills and is horrible around crowds of other people so who would hire me?"

I've sucked at every job I've had......and I have only had three, the only reason I did not get fired from my workstudy job was because it was a form of financial aid so I would have had to have got in trouble with the school to have been fired.

"I was born a bum and I guess this is how my life was destined to play out".


That is really up to you......I mean if you do nothing then things probably do not change, even I had to come to terms with that. Do you have any goals at all? not talking about long term huge ones, but sometimes even focusing on small goals can sometimes be helpful. I wish I could tell you a magical way to make everything better...I wish I knew a way to do that in my life but I don't. It seems you have to walk a mile only to end up back where you started so to speak, its happened to me many times but for whatever reason I have not given up yet...But yeah the best advice I can really give for now is try not to be so hard on yourself that only makes you feel worse.



MR20
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20 Jul 2011, 10:12 am

MrXxx wrote:

If you don't try at all, you are guaranteed to fail.

I've tried plenty of times and it's never worked out. No matter what I did people never accepted me. I've never had a real connection with a non-family person and I probably never will. It saddens me deeply whenever I think about that, but it's the thruth.

Quit quitting on yourself. If you quit on yourself, there's nothing anyone can do to help you.

Everyone else has given up on helping me and befriending me, so what difference does it make?



Freak-Z
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20 Jul 2011, 10:17 am

OneStepBeyond wrote:
i'm sorry

life isnt fair


Well of course it isn't, but for some it can seem more unfair to them.

Great support this support forum offers huh? :roll:



MR20
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20 Jul 2011, 11:04 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

That is really up to you......I mean if you do nothing then things probably do not change

Things won't change regardless, have you people read any of my threads? I've tried all of that stuff in the past yet people only like to look at outward appearances and make judgement on people. Because my face is kinda deformed and I act a little slow they still viewed me as a retard regardless of how I dressed.

Do you have any goals at all? not talking about long term huge ones, but sometimes even focusing on small goals can sometimes be helpful.

I had two naive goals of going to a big time college and working out to impress women a few years back. That's when I believe the "try hard enough" crap people spouted on this board. Then reality kicked back in; How would I make it to any college if I couldn't pass the GED test. I have nothing more than a fifth grade education and I can barely do simple fractions and time tables.

I've grown to dislike women over the years, it especially makes me mad that a few "friends' that were jerks to me and just used me for my stuff could get any girls they want while I can't even get so much as a hug from them. They had women falling all over them while I had no shot because of how my face looked and how I acted, and I figured out working out at a gym wouldn't change that. But somehow I fooled myself into thinking that I tried hard enough something would happen, even after countless attempts in the past proved fruitless.

Come to think of it girls were the worst type of bullies I had growing up. They'd trick me into thinking they would go out with me just embarrass me in front of their friends or people in school, just for amusement. After numerous attempts at asking girls out in my teens (believe me it was a lot) I didn't get anywhere not so much as a phone number. Of course they were very mean when rejecting me; "Go out.. with you? hahah" "psst who would be caught dead seen in public with you" "You're funny lookin' and you act weird, aren't there girls like you in special ed?"

No one wanted to go out with the special ed, slow, retard looking kid that's a weirdo. Looking back on it I hated them so much because of the way they made me feel about myself.








But yeah the best advice I can really give for now is try not to be so hard on yourself that only makes you feel worse.

I'm a realist. This is what I truly see myself as. I don't fool myself with BS optimism like most people do on this site.