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Barsine
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06 Aug 2011, 4:55 pm

Ok I know there have been threads here for guys venting about loneliness, but a lot of us are girls. I've never had a real boyfriend, but I have dated. I've fallen for people I've dated, people I've never gone out with, and people I've had correspondences with. Some of the heartbreak I put myself through idealizing might-have-beens was ruthless. I have often thought woe is me, I'm thirty and I've never had a real boyfriend.

And finally, with luck and perseverance, I've learned how to present myself in an attractive light virtually while being myself. And what an epiphany. A hot guy messaged me on my internet dating profile, saying all the nice things I ever wanted to hear from a hot guy, and I found the whole thing just as enervating as kissing an unattractive guy who isn't a very good kisser. Now I'm the first to admit I don't know a thing about kissing, but selfishly I prefer the other person to be good at it. Likewise I don't pride myself on femininity or being attractive by conventional standards, I think I'm so-so and unwilling to put any effort into it. But if the other person is unattractive, I blame my lack of enthusiasm on that. Now I'm starting to think it's something else. There was nothing unattractive about the young man who messaged me the other day except his desire to cuddle, kiss, be romantic, etc. Sounded like sensory overload to me so I turned him down. What the hell? I thought I would want that if a guy fit my abstract desires, but I don't at all. I want to be engrossed in my special interests, on the internet, and left alone in 3D except as far as my dogs are concerned, who are fun to kiss and cuddle. Opportunity finally knocks and I revert to the prepubescent tween in sex ed who looked at the pictures and thought "Adults are crazy, gross and inappropriate!"



JWS
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07 Aug 2011, 8:34 pm

I read your post, and found it confusing. Do you want a special kind of relationship, or are you really not interested????...... :?: :?


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peaceloveerin
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07 Aug 2011, 10:28 pm

I don't have a boyfriend and probably never will if he can't accept that I'm asexual!



sagan
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07 Aug 2011, 10:47 pm

Barsine wrote:
Now I'm starting to think it's something else. There was nothing unattractive about the young man who messaged me the other day except his desire to cuddle, kiss, be romantic, etc. Sounded like sensory overload to me so I turned him down. What the hell? I thought I would want that if a guy fit my abstract desires, but I don't at all. I want to be engrossed in my special interests, on the internet, and left alone in 3D except as far as my dogs are concerned, who are fun to kiss and cuddle. Opportunity finally knocks and I revert to the prepubescent tween in sex ed who looked at the pictures and thought "Adults are crazy, gross and inappropriate!"


I think that might be it. No matter who you meet, if you aren't ready for a relationship you're brain will find a fault in everyone. There are so many excuses that you can make up if you do not want to deal with it. :(
If you ever find a cure for this, please let me know. :wink:


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MakaylaTheAspie
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08 Aug 2011, 12:09 am

Never again will I endure a relationship. The last guy I was with (I'm surprised this guy liked me in the first place) was a jerk to my family and friends, possibly keeping me all to himself. I dumped him on our final date. After I said that, I told him I had Aspergers, but he was more messed up than I could ever possibly be. Needless to say, rumors spread around.

He also tried to get back together with me. :roll: Desperate much?


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SammichEater
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08 Aug 2011, 1:13 am

sagan wrote:
Barsine wrote:
Now I'm starting to think it's something else. There was nothing unattractive about the young man who messaged me the other day except his desire to cuddle, kiss, be romantic, etc. Sounded like sensory overload to me so I turned him down. What the hell? I thought I would want that if a guy fit my abstract desires, but I don't at all. I want to be engrossed in my special interests, on the internet, and left alone in 3D except as far as my dogs are concerned, who are fun to kiss and cuddle. Opportunity finally knocks and I revert to the prepubescent tween in sex ed who looked at the pictures and thought "Adults are crazy, gross and inappropriate!"


I think that might be it. No matter who you meet, if you aren't ready for a relationship you're brain will find a fault in everyone. There are so many excuses that you can make up if you do not want to deal with it. :(
If you ever find a cure for this, please let me know. :wink:


I can definitely relate to this.


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Callista
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08 Aug 2011, 1:18 am

Er... you know, not being in a relationship is a totally valid choice, and not inferior by any means. I'm almost thirty myself and I've never even kissed anybody, and I like that just fine. Maybe you're not as totally uninterested as I am; but don't you listen to the world saying you NEED a guy to be happy. If you want one, sure, go find one you like and flirt to your heart's content; but there's no good in being in a relationship just because society says you ought to be in one.


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antonblock
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08 Aug 2011, 2:50 am

Barsine wrote:
Ok I know there have been threads here for guys venting about loneliness, but a lot of us are girls. I've never had a real boyfriend, but I have dated. I've fallen for people I've dated, people I've never gone out with, and people I've had correspondences with. Some of the heartbreak I put myself through idealizing might-have-beens was ruthless. I have often thought woe is me, I'm thirty and I've never had a real boyfriend.

And finally, with luck and perseverance, I've learned how to present myself in an attractive light virtually while being myself. And what an epiphany. A hot guy messaged me on my internet dating profile, saying all the nice things I ever wanted to hear from a hot guy, and I found the whole thing just as enervating as kissing an unattractive guy who isn't a very good kisser. Now I'm the first to admit I don't know a thing about kissing, but selfishly I prefer the other person to be good at it. Likewise I don't pride myself on femininity or being attractive by conventional standards, I think I'm so-so and unwilling to put any effort into it. But if the other person is unattractive, I blame my lack of enthusiasm on that. Now I'm starting to think it's something else. There was nothing unattractive about the young man who messaged me the other day except his desire to cuddle, kiss, be romantic, etc. Sounded like sensory overload to me so I turned him down. What the hell? I thought I would want that if a guy fit my abstract desires, but I don't at all. I want to be engrossed in my special interests, on the internet, and left alone in 3D except as far as my dogs are concerned, who are fun to kiss and cuddle. Opportunity finally knocks and I revert to the prepubescent tween in sex ed who looked at the pictures and thought "Adults are crazy, gross and inappropriate!"


where are you from roughly?

greets,
anton



kahlua
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08 Aug 2011, 6:23 am

I never had a boyfriend until I was 21. Met a guy on the internet, we were both looking for friendship. Ended up turning into a relationship, which was quite interesting as I had no idea what to do or how to behave.

I found that don't really like kissing, but find his hugs very soothing.

Looking back on it, things could have gone very badly as I was so naive .... fortunately I happened to meet a nice guy, not a nasty one.



Barsine
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08 Aug 2011, 10:41 am

Callista wrote:
Er... you know, not being in a relationship is a totally valid choice, and not inferior by any means. I'm almost thirty myself and I've never even kissed anybody, and I like that just fine. Maybe you're not as totally uninterested as I am; but don't you listen to the world saying you NEED a guy to be happy. If you want one, sure, go find one you like and flirt to your heart's content; but there's no good in being in a relationship just because society says you ought to be in one.


I wondered if I was responding to societal pressure, but I also thought a boyfriend would make up for not having strong support from my family (my mother's emotionally abusive and my father has a long track record of neglect). I didn't want to have kids but I thought a relationship would be like a new family. But lately I've been fascinated with the song "What it feels like for a girl," and I think in some ways I was just feeling left out by my peers. Not all of them are girly girls but I thought relationships were the explanation for all that investment in the superficial aura of femininity some neurotypicals master. It's something I find cute but also intimidating, and in the company of someone who has it I feel a little ridiculous for not trying to put it on. If I had it I would find myself ridiculous, it doesn't fit me, but I wonder what it would be like if it did fit me.