Should I go or not?

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Ok, so I was diagnosed at age 41 (about 3 years ago). My extended family has been AWFUL about it all. My whole life has been a string of awkward moments, one after another. Only my Mom and 1 sister (out of 4 sisters & 3 brothers) have even ATTEMPTED to understand me in light of my Aspergers diagnosis.

My oldest sister is a pain in EVERYONE'S @$$. She's putting together a Birthday party for my Mom. Last week she blew up at me over a (really trivial) misunderstanding. It was so bad that she said she believes that my Aspergers is BS & that she does not consider me her sister anymore (did I mention that she's 10 years older than me & I'm the youngest?)

The party will be a cook out; eating on pic nic tables outside (after 6pm because the heats been so bad).

My husband absolutly LOATHES eating outside. He's an electricians apprentice on a road crew, so he WORKS outside 8-10 hours a day.

My dilemma is in deciding whether we should even go?

I have talked to my Mother & she's aware of oldest sisters garbage...she also already knows how dh feels about eating outside.

So, should I attend her party or not? (Poll set for 5 days b/c the party is this Saturday).

Ask your mother and your sister (the one you do get along with). I would not decide without their input.

You should worry less about what other people think of you and worry more about what you think of yourself and what you want from your life.

I know that sounds a bit cliche, but it's true. You will never be able to please everybody. Or even make them understand you. If your older sister is adamant about not respecting you, there is very little you can do to change that.

The question you should be asking yourself in this situation is simple: Do /I/ want to be there or not?

If the answer is Yes, then by all means go there and just ignore your older sister if you have the impression she doesn't want you there. It's her problem, not yours.

If you want to be at the cookout you should absolutely attend. There is no reason you should not attend just because of other family members. Alternativly, you could celebrate your mother's birthday with her on another day. It doesn't sound like you really want to be there though...

I don't think this actually has anything to do with your AS.

Do you want to go? Does your mother want you to go? Would you or your mother be upset if you didn't go?

Don't go.

You and your husband would enjoy finding some other way to celebrate your mother's birthday with her.

Do something all three of you would enjoy.

Life is too short to waste any of it conforming to the expectations of people who don't respect you.

Personally I think that because your mother does accept you and is there for you, then you should be there for her. Even if this is just a very short appearance. There will be other people there too right? So you could perhaps avoid your mean older sister? We have a similar (similar in that we are no longer really on speaking terms) with my mother's brother and his wife. We still go to all family functions whether they are present or not, and we just avoid them.

For you, that MIGHT be a bit more difficult since it seems that the majority of your family is being horrible to you....so now I am not quite so sure. I agree that you should talk to your mom and your older sister. If your mom wants you there, maybe just try it for a little while (the more you are present with your family, they more they might appreciate your diagnosis?....I don't know...) Or maybe you make up an excuse (I don't usually like this, but it might be better than being blunt and ruining her birthday if she is sensitive about this), say you cannot make it because you have to do something important that day, and you and your husband can offer to take her to a special dinner another evening??

This is complicated! I hope things work out for you!

You should stop by and say hi and just say that you need to be somewhere.