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League_Girl
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13 Aug 2011, 1:08 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Fnord wrote:
SadAspy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
How old are you, SadAspy?

28 miserable years.

I think you've answered my question and League_Girl's at the same time.
SadAspy wrote:
Yeah, I know I shouldn't be living at home, but I have no job, and I was rejected for SSDI earlier this month.

Yes, you should be living at home - your home, not theirs. Parents usually kick their kids out of their house when (1) the parents believe that the kids need only the incentive to finish growing up; (2) the parents believe that their children are fully capable of making it on their own; (3) the kids have become too much of a financial burden to support on the parents' limited or dwindling income.

You are still not too old for military service, unless of course you are officially and legally recognized as physically disabled or Non-Compos Mentis, in which case you may be able to sue your parents for support.



I don't think that should apply to people with disabilities who can't make it on their own or who have a hard time moving forward on their own.

Aspies normally have a hard time getting their lives together as an adult and need more help. If my mother all of a sudden kicked me out as an adult and I was on SSI and hardly had a job despite that I was looking for one but couldn't get one, I don't know what would have happened to me. Instead they helped me. Aspies even usually have a hard time getting a job.

If they want to kick them out, that is what group homes are for and parents do usually put their adult kids there who are disabled.


This, +....

there are NT's.
With Master's.
From big universities.
Who are living with their parents.
Through no fault or deficit of their own.

In many places, there are quite simply no jobs to be had.



Exactly, I don't know why it's so taboo for grown ups to still be living at home. Some have even moved back because they lost their jobs due to the poor economy. My in laws moved back in with their daughter to help out so it's the opposite for them. The parents move in with their adult child instead of the child moving in with them.

Sometimes grown ups move back in with their parents due to bad situations they have gone into.



rexirodkc
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13 Aug 2011, 2:10 am

To the OP: sorry that you're going through this. I was essentially kicked out of my mom's house since I didn't find a job fast enough (for her standards) so I've basically been in limbo for the past 3 years. Fortunately I have an aunt who's taken me in but I feel bad because I haven't accomplished anything since I've been here. I would ask if you had any other relatives you could stay with but since you listed living out of your car as an option, I'm guessing not. :(


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ValentineWiggin
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13 Aug 2011, 2:34 am

League_Girl wrote:
It wasn't really the military, it was the navy or something or the air force he tried joining.



:lmao: :lol:

They called for my brother once, and I told the guy to go to hell.

They would have been in for some serious awkwardness, this being before DADT was repealed.


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MollyTroubletail
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13 Aug 2011, 4:20 am

Why the hell would any parents give their AS child only one week to get set up to move out on their own? That's evil.... that's not even long enough for someone fully functional to find and rent an apartment, find roommates, get a job, get assistance, or whatever.

I don't know what you can do within one week except for stay in your car and attempt to get into a homeless shelter, where at least you could be entitled to a social worker who might be able to help you in some minimal way. Thank God it's summer. I hate your parents. My parents kicked me out with only several hours' notice (kicked out at midnight, had to be out of the house by 9 am the following morning, no job, no place to go.) It made me homeless for around four months till I got things sorted out a bit.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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13 Aug 2011, 4:47 am

MollyTroubletail wrote:
Why the hell would any parents give their AS child only one week to get set up to move out on their own? That's evil.... that's not even long enough for someone fully functional to find and rent an apartment, find roommates, get a job, get assistance, or whatever.


Yeah. Aren't their laws that say you can't evict someone without 2 weeks (or is it 30 days') notice?



johnsmcjohn
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13 Aug 2011, 4:53 am

brolife wrote:
Seeing that its a back against the wall situation, just get a minimum wage paying job and find people who you can rent an apartment with. You don't have to be friends with your roommates, you just have to get along.


This is a common misconception. To get a job, you need to connect with the interviewer and create a rapport. I cannot do these things if it's forced and as a result, I have an extremely difficult time getting any job. I usually go months between jobs in the best economies and in recessions like this it's virtually impossible for me to find work. As an example, I once told a potential employer I would be willing to work in any store in town, any shift 24/7. I didn't get the job. It was a job serving coffee. For minimum wage. If you have assets, I'd recommend putting them to use getting something going that will provide an income with the lowest amount of interaction required.


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SadAspy
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13 Aug 2011, 10:17 am

Here's my response to a few things people are mentioning:

Education: I have a master's degree...doesn't help me in the U.S. job market where experience and who you know counts for everything.

Military: I've tried the Air Force and Navy...they won't take me because I take anti-depressants. As for the Army and Marines, well let's just say I might actually prefer living in my car.

Minimum wage job: I've tried to get one and can't, probably because of my education.

SSDI: I have applied for SSDI, not SSI. I have worked in the past...I just haven't able to find anything I can do since completing my master's at the end of '09.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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13 Aug 2011, 10:35 am

What is your masters in?



SadAspy
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13 Aug 2011, 10:45 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
What is your masters in?


Something completely stupid and worthless. Do I really have to keep bringing it up on this forum?

Obviously, if I had majored in engineering or computer science, I'd be okay. But I suck at math.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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13 Aug 2011, 10:52 am

SadAspy wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
What is your masters in?


Something completely stupid and worthless. Do I really have to keep bringing it up on this forum?

Obviously, if I had majored in engineering or computer science, I'd be okay. But I suck at math.


Sorry I asked. Btw, you mentioned being on antidepressants. You sound pretty dejected to me. Are you sure they are working?



swbluto
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13 Aug 2011, 1:44 pm

League_Girl wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Fnord wrote:
SadAspy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
How old are you, SadAspy?

28 miserable years.

I think you've answered my question and League_Girl's at the same time.
SadAspy wrote:
Yeah, I know I shouldn't be living at home, but I have no job, and I was rejected for SSDI earlier this month.

Yes, you should be living at home - your home, not theirs. Parents usually kick their kids out of their house when (1) the parents believe that the kids need only the incentive to finish growing up; (2) the parents believe that their children are fully capable of making it on their own; (3) the kids have become too much of a financial burden to support on the parents' limited or dwindling income.

You are still not too old for military service, unless of course you are officially and legally recognized as physically disabled or Non-Compos Mentis, in which case you may be able to sue your parents for support.



I don't think that should apply to people with disabilities who can't make it on their own or who have a hard time moving forward on their own.

Aspies normally have a hard time getting their lives together as an adult and need more help. If my mother all of a sudden kicked me out as an adult and I was on SSI and hardly had a job despite that I was looking for one but couldn't get one, I don't know what would have happened to me. Instead they helped me. Aspies even usually have a hard time getting a job.

If they want to kick them out, that is what group homes are for and parents do usually put their adult kids there who are disabled.


This, +....

there are NT's.
With Master's.
From big universities.
Who are living with their parents.
Through no fault or deficit of their own.

In many places, there are quite simply no jobs to be had.



Exactly, I don't know why it's so taboo for grown ups to still be living at home.


To hell with taboos. I only care about getting the lowest cost place of living that has acceptable living conditions in order to maximize my net cash flow and if that's with my parents, so be it. (But, for my business, I'm looking at relocating to maximize the net cash flow so that probably won't be around with here with my parents...)



animalcrackers
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13 Aug 2011, 1:45 pm

That really sucks--I'm sorry you're being kicked out!

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with an adult living at home--in some cultures it's the norm for adults to live at home until they marry/start their own families, and in others it's just the norm for families to live together in the same household no matter how old they are.

Still, I can relate to feeling like you shouldn't be living at home--especially if your parents think you're too old to need to.....it's a rather arbitrary part of North American culture that kids are expected to leave home after high school or at least once they've entered their early 20's.

Can you talk to your parents and trying to negotiate something more realistic than a week's notice (like maybe a month--a month would be hard enough but better than a week!)? Do you have a therapist or a doctor who might be willing to help educate them? (<--Of course, your parents would need to be willing to talk to this person.....)

If you have an ASD-diagnosis and negotiation with your parents is completely out of the question, I suggest looking up the contact information for your local Autism Society and getting in touch with them to see if they can help you out (if they know of resources etc.--they might even be able to find you a social worker.)



PlatedDrake
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13 Aug 2011, 2:14 pm

I can relate to you on that. Im 30, had to move back in with my parents after living on my own for 4 years (which got hosed when the economy crashed). NOw I'm working two, second rate jobs (one of which is seasonal), and the rent in the area is a bit high . . . and the lower rent areas are not very secure/safe. I guess I'd have to look into the whole rent w/ roommate deal in the near future (ie parents are hoping I'm out by next spring/summer), which is why I'm taking programming classes. If you have one, I'd check with your "mentor" (someone from a recognized life/living assistance group) to help find something. They have a number of services, so something should come up.



League_Girl
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13 Aug 2011, 2:15 pm

I think parents who kick their kids out are lazy and don't love their kids very much, maybe like is a better word. The whole point of being a parent is to love your children and help them but if you are so desperate to kick them out once they are out of high school, you have failed as a parent. I can imagine they must have been thinking for all these years, ten more years and they are gone, only three more years and they are gone. Yay now one more year left and they are out of here. Yay only three more months and they are gone. Seriously, that is poor parenting there and it sounds like they didn't really enjoy their time as parents and spending their money on them and taking up their space in their home. Honestly it seems like lot of mothers are miserable as parents because google "I hate being a mom." But when they are older, they should be able to look after themselves and take care of themselves and be more responsible so it's less work when they are adults and you don't have the drag them everywhere or get babysitters or make sacrifices.

It's different to kick them out if they were not respecting your property such as not cleaning up after themselves, stealing from you, smoking in your home, having parties, and of course if they were just using you as a meal ticket and not even trying to get a job so they are just using your stuff and eating your food. If they are in school and not working, that's different too so they aren't using them as meal tickets.



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13 Aug 2011, 7:09 pm

I beg to differ on two points:

League_Girl wrote:
It wasn't really the military, it was the navy or something or the air force he tried joining.

"The Military" includes, and is not limited to, Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard. The National Guards and State Militias are also considered "The Military" insofar as service and veteran's status are concerned.
League_Girl wrote:
It's possible to still join if you don't have a official diagnoses. They have no way of knowing when they approve you.

You also don't have to tell them if you do have an official diagnosis, although this could be risky. Better to tell them up front and ask for things called "waivers". I got waivers for marijuana use, a juvenile record, a heart condition, and eczema. They also gave me a waiver for being in my 30s and having child-custody issues with my ex at sign-up. None of these things prevented me from serving, of course. The interesting part of it is that I was diagnosed with AS a little over 12 years after being honorably discharged!

My point is that SadAspy will never know how he will do unless he tries. If he is to go through life believing that he will always fail, then he has bought into the whole "Aspie As Victim" image, and he will always fail solely because of his belief!

None fail so epically as those who fail to try for fear of failure.


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