Why do some women suddenly bring up that they have a bf?

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Alienboy
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26 Aug 2011, 12:42 pm

Well johnnydangerous...that really sucks man. I never had this type of experience before, but it just seems really frustrating.
Once again Knifey I completely understand and agree with your post and I know that in many situations an AS can show
subtle signs of being interested in a woman, but in my case there is not even this. I decided next class I will get there super early
so that I can get my seat before her so that she maybe realizes that I am sitting there to focus during the lesson and that the
reason has nothing to do with her. If she still assumes that I chose that seat knowing that she would sit there(even though the seats
are not assigned) then she could just be really delusional. We will see what happens next Monday.



johnnydangerous
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26 Aug 2011, 12:52 pm

Alienboy wrote:
Well johnnydangerous...that really sucks man. I never had this type of experience before, but it just seems really frustrating.
Once again Knifey I completely understand and agree with your post and I know that in many situations an AS can show
subtle signs of being interested in a woman, but in my case there is not even this. I decided next class I will get there super early
so that I can get my seat before her so that she maybe realizes that I am sitting there to focus during the lesson and that the
reason has nothing to do with her. If she still assumes that I chose that seat knowing that she would sit there(even though the seats
are not assigned) then she could just be really delusional. We will see what happens next Monday.


You should just tell her that women with boyfriends turn you on, because it shows what high quality she is. And that if she was single, she'd be a "loser" because she wasn't with someone for 5 minutes (God forbid).

As wacky as that sounds, that's exactly how women think in regards to men. They're dumb. If they saw a beautiful house at a bargain price, instead of saying "Wow what a steal! Let me grab this qucik!" they'd say "It seems like a nice house, but like, why did like noone like take it yet? Like, know what I'm saying?".

When a woman wants to get rid of a guy she says "I have a boyfriend". But when a guy wants to get rid of a woman, he says "I'm single". Figure that one out, but that's wacky chick logic at work for ya.



Adamantus
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26 Aug 2011, 1:39 pm

Sorry I didn't have time to read all the replies.

Alternative Explanation

I'd like to offer another explanation. It could be that you have made connections between things that aren't there, this is paranoia and is something I've had particular trouble with. So paranoia is connecting things in your mind which aren't connected. So for example, if you were worried about something when daydreaming and then you suddenly jolted out of it to hear everyone laughing, you might think that everyone was laughing at you. When in fact the two things weren't connected and the other students were concentrating on the lecturer and you weren't, so you missed the joke. Or you might think something bad about someone, and then 2 seconds later they get up and leave the room. You think you were talking to yourself and they heard you, and then left in disgust. Or you might think they can hear your thoughts for example. In actual fact the two aren't connected.

I think that when she said my...bf you were connecting a time that you looked at her for example. Perhaps you were worrying about whether she thought you liked her and with her saying my...bf. The pause wasn't connected to you at all. Maybe she is arrogant but that's just the way she is. But I don't think you should be glad people laughed at her honestly.



Alienboy
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26 Aug 2011, 2:03 pm

Yes Adamantus you make a good point because one time I was sitting near this group of guys that I could have sworn were saying bad things about me, but it turned out that they weren't, but this isn't always the case. There have been other situations where I thought a group of people were talking about me and then in the end I found out that they were in fact talking about me because they would either start trying to get my attention by saying something rude out loud(very rare...like once) but usually it would be just from realizing while they were talking bad about someone they would describe something physically about me that I know would give away that they were talking about me(due to nobody else matching this description in the area at the time). They could have been talking about people that weren't around, but confrontational sh** talking usually requires talking about someone in the area...that you can actually confront. Anyway, all of the people who posted so far could possibly be right and we all could be right. I could be paranoid. She could be full of herself, insecure, showing that she is worthy of loving, unsure of her bf being the right guy for her, happy that she actually got a bf, etc.



CockneyRebel
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26 Aug 2011, 2:20 pm

Because more often than not, they do have a boyfriend.


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johnnydangerous
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26 Aug 2011, 2:30 pm

Adamantus wrote:
But I don't think you should be glad people laughed at her honestly.


Why not? Whatever her reason for mentioning her boyfriend was, it was stupid and she shouldn't have done it. Maybe after a little humiliation, she'll wise up. But I doubt it.



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26 Aug 2011, 2:43 pm

Quote:
I thought aspies are supposed to interpret things literally instead of thinking too much? :)


We come to a stage where we've been burned (burnt) too many times by taking things literally, and _then_ we start thinking too much! :?

Psychologists do it too, because of their training. There's an old cartoon in which two Psychologists are walking toward each other down a hallway, and both say "Good Morning". They get around corners to their separate destinations, and each has a thought bubble, "I wonder what he meant by that".



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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26 Aug 2011, 9:54 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
Because more often than not, they do have a boyfriend.

Most people have a significant other, another good reason for them to talk about them.



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26 Aug 2011, 10:17 pm

You seem really really focused on her, you seem to be caught up on her reason for saying something that she probably would have said whether or not you were present. Relationships cause a lot of stress, it's normal and sometimes it's not worth it but sometimes it is, it's an honest reply to say her boyfriend stresses her out. We're mostly aspies, a lot of us are stressed by anyone including our partners and spouses. You keep calling her stupid and ridiculous which seems really harsh as she hasn't done anything to you. It sounds like the professor is a jerk for trying to embarrass her when she was just trying to contribute to the discussion.

And any psychologist or psychiatrist who thinks stress as a result of a relationship is generally a bad thing is really misinformed. Especially since she didn't specify how much stress he causes or how much it impacts her life, there is no way to make an accurate judgement on whether or not he is or isn't the right guy for her.

Unless she's told you she thinks she's hot stuff, I don't see how you can know she thinks she's hot stuff. Maybe you think she's hot stuff so you assume she does too? Where are you getting this from?



mglosenger
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26 Aug 2011, 11:02 pm

To answer your actual question :)

Women say they have boyfriends because they are attracted to you, and they want you to know the 'full deal'. Some women may try to tell you this but be extremely obtuse about it, and some may not tell you at all.. I would avoid those women - once you find out.. :)



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26 Aug 2011, 11:43 pm

Venger wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Venger wrote:
It's very likely she assumed the OP was sitting in that seat to be next to her which would explain the random boyfriend comment immediately thereafter. I've sensed women are usually assuming this in various other instances such as using cardio equipment right next to them at the gym. This thread is just one of many examples.


Ahh context...
gym
disco
nightclub
bar

Of course...


College is a stereotype of that too right?


College is not a meat market, it's a place of higher learning.



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26 Aug 2011, 11:48 pm

cyberdad wrote:
College is not a meat market, it's a place of higher learning.

College / University is both a meet market and an institute of higher learning.

It's a great place to meet someone of the same intelligence, the same interests, and the same libido as one's self.


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Knifey
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27 Aug 2011, 12:17 am

Alienboy wrote:
Once again Knifey I completely understand and agree with your post and I know that in many situations an AS can show subtle signs of being interested in a woman, but in my case there is not even this. I decided next class I will get there super early so that I can get my seat before her so that she maybe realizes that I am sitting there to focus during the lesson and that the reason has nothing to do with her. If she still assumes that I chose that seat knowing that she would sit there(even though the seats are not assigned) then she could just be really delusional. We will see what happens next Monday.
But.... even if seats are unassigned it is normal to want to sit in the same seat. if somebody sat next to the seat i sat in yesterday i would assume they wanted to sit next to me. it's not delusional.


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Venger
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27 Aug 2011, 2:54 am

cyberdad wrote:
Venger wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Venger wrote:
It's very likely she assumed the OP was sitting in that seat to be next to her which would explain the random boyfriend comment immediately thereafter. I've sensed women are usually assuming this in various other instances such as using cardio equipment right next to them at the gym. This thread is just one of many examples.


Ahh context...
gym
disco
nightclub
bar

Of course...


College is a stereotype of that too right?


College is not a meat market, it's a place of higher learning.


Neither are those places you listed. But they're all part of a pickup setting stereotype which turns out to not be true most of the time.

lol@meat market



Karuna
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27 Aug 2011, 3:37 am

ive known a girl online for 4 years and it only just came up recently that she has a boyfriend of 10 years. I just never cared, we've chatted a few times a week for that entire time but personal details never really came into it. Finding out about her bf didn't change anything.



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27 Aug 2011, 3:45 am

because they don't want you to mistaken their nice-ness for interest or attraction. So they set the framework that the interaction will take place in by saying from the onset that they are in a relationship with someone.


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