Wouldn't It Be Better To Have Severe AS Than Mild?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm 26, and have mild AS. I was diagnosed at age 22.
I've wondered if it would be better instead of being a 3 out of 10 if I were a 7 out of 10.

Reason being is, I have no real, true, good friends.
I can be taught and learn how to make friends to an extent, but it still falls short.
I have normal interests of an NT (sports/TV/beach) but because I have so few friends over my lifespan I have never gotten social experiences and show it.

This comes off to people as a turn off and I mostly ignored or people only want me as an aquantaince.
The few who do answer my phone calls and stick around take complete advantage of me.
They name call me to my face, insult me, and make rude nasty comments than have the nerve to act like I should be thankful for them putting up with and providing me with the privilage of hanging out.

I've gone to AS events before, but I don't fit in because I am not severe enough. I am not into computer games, anime, or that stuff.
It seems I have the interests of an NT but don't fit in there or with AS.

Makes me angry and pissed off.
I envy you severe AS folks, because you guys can fit in with each other.
There seem to be fewer mild ASers, and we fit in neither with you severe ones or the NTs...we are just as ignored/bullied.

Amazing...when I was 16 they said this was a "phase" I'm 26 and it still goes on.

There's so much wrong with this post.

1. There isn't a defintion of severe or mild AS.
2. How does liking anime or computer games make someone have severe AS? (I do not have interests like that, either.)
3. Not everyone has access to an AS group (I don't.)

I think sensory issues can be one of the worst problems you can have, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Wishing yourself more problems just sounds wrong to me. Why would you want your life to be even more difficult?

Because if you are more mainstream with AS...then it is harder to fit in/have the same interests as a severe AS...and since us mild ASers STILL get bullied/bitchslapped by our peers well into adulthood...it arguable makes us even more lonely with less to turn to.

There are no distinct definitions of mild or severe AS, but there are scales that compare how we answer diagnostic questions as compared to people already diagnosed with AS, measure in "percentiles."


If you score in the 50th percentile on those scales, it means that you answered the questions similarly to 50% of people with AS. If you score at the 10th percentile...

The higher you score on the percentile, the higher the severity is considered to be. Someone scoring at the 10th percentile can be considered to have "mild AS."

But I don't know of any psychologist that would call it "mild." They're either going to assign the DX, or not, as "AS." But this doesn't mean it can't be mild. It can, and that can be frustrating I'm sure, for all the reasons the OP cited.

But I don't think that really matters, because even those who I've talked to who score very high as AS, have the same frustrations. So, mild or severe, our problems are pretty similar.

I don't think it's a good idea to wish that you were in a worse situation, unless...

If it was really bad, you could convince a TV network to bring back Gumbel to Gumbel

Blue country
It just sounds like you have had crappy friends and it has nothing to do with your AS! Are there special interest groups or social events you can go to, to meet peers with similar interests? Volunteering? Choir at a church? helping out somewhere?
Anyone who bullies you isn't worth your time or energy!
As for wishing you were more severe, that's just a case of "the grass is greener on the other side" (but you still have to mow it! ha ha!) I think you named a lot of the stereotypes people have of people with Autism, that we all get along well with each other and that we all love computers and anime etc, when we are all very different people! I have friends who are NT and friends who are not, sometimes it more of a challenge for my friends with AS and I to get together because of our different sensory limitations, I don't think there is one cookie cutter type of person with AS, that is why it's called a spectrum disorder/disability!
I do hope you find some good friends worthy of your time and trust and friendship very soon!
Have a good day/night!

You're just not finding people yet. It's not like you wake up one morning and find some mythical place where everyone gets you.

Several of my closest friends have different "disabilities". We don't have a tremendous amount in common (outside of being considered "defective" by ignoramuses), but we like each other.

Examine your strengths and work with them. Never wish that you had more problems. There's someone out there who would gladly change places with you given the opportunity.

Sounds like

1> you're an extrovert personality
2> you need to get rid of a few people in your life (noone should be using you or treating you like crap - this is going ot get in your way if you ever seek ACTUAL friends or acquaintances.
3> you should check your neighborhood for community centers / free sports gyms and take up squash or indoor basketball - see if there are any social groups that do that stuff. Of ask to join volleyball games on the beach when you spot one with less people on one or the other team.
And then hope they say something like "hey we play every friday you shoudl come out again!"

I am not I to anime either. I watch lot of Netflix now. I also don't like computer games.

One interesting thing I just read about in a book by an autistic woman was this:

She had tried to make friends based on similar interests. But people who theoretically had similar interests but weren't autistic, didn't want to hear her go on and on about those interests, they were just good for the first part of a conversation, if that.

But then she had made other friends who lasted longer. She tried to figure out what was going on in those specific instances that was different. And it was that the people she made lasting friendships with, were interested in life itself. They remembered the little things about life and then could talk about those with other people who remembered the little things about life. And they liked telling a good story and listening to a good story.

(The book is here.)

I've found that the people I relate to best, even among autistic people, are a small subset of autistic people with specific things in common with me. And those things they have in common with me, I also have in common with some nonautistic (but usually not nondisabled) people (such as some (also probably a minority) people with brain injury, dementia, intellectual disability, epilepsy, etc). Those things are quite specific and detailed though so I won't get into them here.

Remember that autistic people in general is a really broad group of people, and even if you get along better with people who share your subtype of autism (which is far from certain -- and "subtype" as I use it doesn't mean autism vs. AS or mild vs. severe, it means specific cognitive and perceptual traits you have in common regardless of so-called severity or which diagnostic label you fit), that might be a really small subtype, like it is with me. So you might just not have met people yet. It's just like I sometimes see people who are cognitively the spitting image of my autistic brother (who is waaaaay different from me) but they're hardly the norm even among autistic people.

I'm not into anime or video games. I'm into music, Man!

I tend to connect with atypical people in general, though not with all atypical people. I don't know what the common factor is yet.

Is the OP trolling? I'm struggling to make sense of this one.

I guess I'm lucky, other than liking women, I have no NT traits. My parents and brother are my best friends by choice. I have things in common with them and they're there for me at my best or worst. I also have many extended family members I'm close with, and who I can be myself around. I'm a homebody who watches old tv reruns on DVD, shops for random things on ebay, plays the piano and guitar and listens to music. Just about the only things that can get me to leave the house is a situation where there's potential to meet cute women that doesn't involve a bar or club, going out to a restaurant, jamming with musicians (and it's hard to find musicians of equal caliber that like the same types of music), visiting extended family, clothes shopping, or going on a vacation. It doesn't bother me one bit that I only have one close friend (who isn't a family member) my age.

I don't envy the OP's position at all...basically being an extrovert at heart, but not fitting in with that crowd.