I so can't live with the pecking order

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New at my job, and my colleagues give me hell if I don't act like the most submissive puppy in the world. I pretend extreme submissiveness, but anyway it's never enough to them. The punishments when I stray a tiny bit from the utter submissiveness are not calling me when they go out for lunch, talking to me only when I talk to them, etc. If my boss notices that they ignore me, I'll be fired for not being likeable. So I keep trying to be more and more submissive, I just can't stand it anymore. And the colleagues are all in their 20s, I'm in my forties.

You are in a losing situation so why not just be yourself or try be deliberately assertive, make other lunch arrangements and just concentrate on doing a good job. Go out of your way to be nice to them but not submissive, and hopefully some will treat you better. Is it worth hanging on to a job where you have to put up with this?

Are you faceblind? You sound like me when I was working, and it was happening because I never recognized anybody. I figured that out years later, when it wasn't much use.

http://www.prosopagnosia.com

There are ways to cope if it's faceblindness. It's not the same as never remembering a face. Also, do you smile much?

Well, we are 1,000 employees, but slowly I'm getting to remember more and more faces.

I hate pecking order/hierachy

I hate the pecking order/hierarchy because everything is so boring. There's no room for spontaneous relating, sharing, communicating, discovering each other, etc. It's all set in stone, the stone of the NT herd:

New on the job = you're expected to be submissive, all smiles even when hurt by bullying
Veteran on the job = you're expected to be assertive/aggressive, even a sour face when people are nice to you is perfectly fine

Yeah they are cold and immovable!

http://www.kickbully.com/main.html

You won't be respected if you submit to bullying. You have to stand up to it politely but firmly.

I learned that the hard way, unfortunately. But I'm determined never to let it go by again.

Julie, if there's a scene, the new one goes home.

That website you posted is absolutely awesome! You should make a new thread so as to give it more exposure, I think...