Someone define "social skills"

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Try thinking about it before you talk. For example instead of formulating your story or whatever just think "okay don't tell a story."

Lol who knows, might work. Keep trying to remind yourself not to do it and eventually you might find you can stop yourself before it happens.

I've found that people interpret everything I say to have the bizarrest craziest intents and motives, none of which I would have thought of on my own. My best social skills are displayed when I don't talk at all.

Plus I can't do any of the social wheel-greasing without appearing insincere, because I would be insincere if I did it, so doing it (1) makes me feel like a phony, and (2) doesn't have the desired effects, whatever they are. So I've never actually done it successfully in my life, and I've only tried it a one-hand-countable number of times, if that.

In conclusion, I've given up on social skills.

I could go on describing the ways you can communicate on to infinity. And people are to this day finding new and interesting ways to communicate ideas.

Understand this one important thing though, and it will most likely turn on the lightbulb above your head.

The rawest form of interaction between the vast majority of Americans is catch. Yeah, where you pass a ball back and forth between people.

This is the same exact principle used in social interaction. We "pitch" ideas to other people when we talk, and expect others to "catch" the idea.

To be more specific, we talk in order to exchange informations and thought, and we catch them by not only hearing what they said, but by using their own thoughts to fully understand it. Leonardo Da Vinci did this not only while talking and listening, but literally when observing the environment as a whole. Think of it as siphoning power from the other persons mind. Knowledge is power.



But this can prove difficult to do if you can't understand what they are saying. This is when you need to get creative as an Aspie. I have this exact problem at work, especially since they talk about subjects im not familiar with and have loud machinery around me.

This can be avoided simply by asking a question. Im sure all of you are good at that, and if not just ask me for advice about it. Just ask them something simple like "I'm sorry, what was that?" or "Where is that town?" or even something more detailed like "I'm not familar with the downtown area or the person your talking about. What's going on?" Don't ask them while they are talking, of course. Let them pitch the idea to you first and then pitch them a question.

If you learn enough to add something, go for it. Share your brilliant insights, make a clever joke or pun, or just simply smile and point out a contradiction. Just make sure you point out that you mean no offense.


Also, I understand that many people are sensitive to phrases like "your late" or "You weren't invited" which can bring offense even if they are true. Working around these obstacles sometimes can be tricky, but can be as rewording a little bit.

Example: Instead of saying to the person "your late" just ask "where you been?" it is a question and not a critical comment. shows interest and is not seen as an unwarrented correction.

Of course some people need some tough love and correction. This becomes easy for an Aspie as it usually just means saying how it is.

Example: Someone is late for the thirteenth time. you say to him "We need to talk" in a tone he can hear. Wave your arm to communicate your intention is serious. Then lead him outside or in the next room and say to him straight up "I won't lie to you; you seriously need to be more prompt. Just so you know." and let him spit out his opinion and play catch with him. Be ready for some hard pitches though. Aspies can be rough with their words, and unless you prove to be an exception you should brace yourself.

Keep in mind the above technique is a little advanced and shouldn't be tried with a superior.

Most aspies are bad at catch, and even worse at conversation.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

When I became a better listener, I became better at catching things thrown at me too. its all connected.

When I was in school and people would tell me I was "weird" or "why can't you just be normal", I'd often counter with "define normal" or "could you point out something weird that I do so I know what you're talking about." They'd just sit there dumbfounded. I never got an answer. Social skills is probably like this. They don't know how to define it themselves because it's built into their biology like hunger or thirst. I could define hunger as the need/desire for food, but that wouldn't really explain what it is to be hungry. NTs have an intrinsic instinct to be around and interact with other humans, regardless of any other factors. I know I lack this instinct, because I only really have a desire to be around people when they hold my interest.

Instead of dwelling on what I couldn't understand and what no one seemed to be able to adequately explain to me, I instead focused on understanding psychology and communication and how people interact with each other from a scientific standpoint so I could better communicate with them. These things could be broken down into logical rules, principles, theories, and other things which I did understand. I used to love the "Data" character on Star Trek because I often could relate to his experiences attempting to mimic human behavior using his intellectual understanding of it because he lacked the instinct.

The term "social skills" can mean a variety of different things depending on what it is being said in reference to. When applied to us, I'm afraid that it simply means "your abillity to pretend to be an NT and follow all their social rules, and act in a way that is completely un-natural to you, isn't very good."

But unfortunately what people are thinking when they say in reference to an aspie, "he lacks social skills." Is that there are "skills" that all people could theoretically obtain, that this particular person (the aspie) has not been able to obtain yet. Due to some sort of inherent deficiency on that persons part.

But the wrong assumption that the aspie, has the same neurological setup as the NT, only they lack a few "skills" is present here. And I think that this is where the mis-use of the term arises, due to the poor recognition on the part of many people, that aspies have a fundemental neurological difference to NT's. And in an NT dominated world, where aspies have to empathize with NT's for their day to day survival, but NT's don't have to empathize with aspies; the aspie becomes deficcient due to this totally biased and unfair setup.

So really, the term is poorly applied, and I believe that the only way to prove that aspies really lack social skills, would be to raise a group of them in an isolated environment without NT's and to see if then they lacked "empathy" or "social skills" in this context. But even with this experiment there would disagreement about how their social interactions are rated, as well as the fact that the experiment is obviously unethical, and won't be carried out

whatever the story ortopic is about, I will come up with maybe something that makes that person's conversation or maybe worries seem not important. Or it seems I am not listening or interested this happens all the time when I socialise.