How can Asperger's help himself/herself?

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there is plenty of information on the web describing the many forms of this syndrome or how to understand it,
but how should an asperger's person live day to day? should he embrace change, or allow his natural self to reign.

I've noticed that too.

I think some of the difficulty is that we are all different, and what works for me, may not work for you. My way is to say "Whatever" to alot of things... Somthing annoying/Frusterating happens "Whatever", move on. It helped alot to this point, but I am now finding that mindset is causing me other problems.

Cheers!

I don't know what you mean by 'many forms' - autism is autism.

First, you need to understand what it is you're dealing with. Its brain damage. Its a neurological system that has been 'wired' differently than the standard schematic. One that processes incoming sensory data somewhat more slowly than the average and can be easily overwhelmed by same, resulting in overloads and shutdowns. Some manage to cope with these overloads better than others, thus the terms 'High' and 'Low' Functioning.

Which means that someone with autism is experiencing the entire world through a 'lens' that is not like the one everybody else is looking through. It means every experience that the autistic person has - every single thing that they ever see, hear, touch, taste, think, imagine or go through - is not being perceived in quite the way that it is by everyone else. Think of it as a funhouse mirror.

Since the person with autism sees this image all the time, it appears normal to them. To all intents and purposes, that is normal. So when they react to what they're experiencing, it feels right to them. To everyone around them, their behaviors, their reactions often seem quite odd, occasionally even bizarre. Sometimes the neurotypical people point out to the autistic that their behavior seems strange. Sometimes they just roll their eyes at each other and say nothing. Often, they will discriminate against you for being different. That's what makes it a Disability. Even many people who never know that you have autism will sense that you're not like them, and treat you accordingly.

Point is, you can talk all day about 'taking control of your life' and 'not letting autism affect you,' but the truth is, you aren't even always aware that it is affecting you, or how or when. Just because nobody is calling you a weirdo and you feel like you're fitting in, doesn't mean you actually are. All the rhetoric about changing things does nothing to make such a feat achievable. If you can't accept who and what you are and find pride in your own unique qualities, you're going to be very frustrated and unhappy your entire life.

Positive thinking techniques are not going magically make your brain begin to process incoming social and sensory data at a neurotypical rate. Its one thing to accept yourself and make the best of what you've been given, but its something else entirely to believe you can alter the structure of your gray matter by sheer force of will. That way lies disappointment and self loathing. Nobody needs that.

Both extremes are a disaster. Changing yourself entirely is impossible, and even if it were the outcome would not be desirable. There's no sense in becoming a robot. But I get rather pissed off with people who follow the other extreme - you have a condition, so just live that way and let everyone else shut up and deal with it. This won't lead to acceptance but to alienation.

The middle ground is the best, and I've been headed there ever since I was diagnosed all those years ago. It's nice here. I've adapted my behaviour and thinking enough to fit in with the NTs and pass for relatively normal. But at the same time, I know my own limits and preferences. I live my own life, not the one I'm "supposed" to want.

Change what you can to make your life better. But that's all.

IMO, first and foremost each person needs to figure what they actually need, want, and can stand. Some like change, others are disturbed by too much of it.

Many aspies take incredible amounts of effort to adapt to society and live what they consider being a normal or average life and i admire their endurance and willpower. For me, however, the best choice was and still is to avoid getting involved in society. E.g., i do my shopping in the early morning, around 5 a.m. to avoid the rush. A crowded store would actually be a huge problem. But i don't suffer or feel bothered by this fact since what the heck would be the advantage of a different schedule?

In summary, i'd say each person should follow their own needs and preferences. Forget about what you "should" be and do ... just be yourself.

i find it hard to accept myself as i always compare myself to others, and seem to be aware of all the flaws and feel guilty about it.
how can an asperger have the awareness of what is the norm - which causes me to feel inferior by not being like the rest?

Which norm or kind of norm are you talking about? This is fairly wishy--washy.

Forget the idea that there would be such a thing as norm because this is merely an illusion. If you say the rest, you see other people as if they were a homogeneous mass. But they are not, they are individuals just like us!

To return to your original question,

If you look closer you will see that a certain number of NTs are inclined to constant change whereas many others would rather avoid them and cling to their routine.

Many of them can't even read, not based on dysfunction. (Estimated 14 %) Would you feel inferior compared to an adult illiterate?

My suggestion is, analyze the areas of your life where you feel inferior, and improve the corresponding skills step by step.[

There's a thing, out there in the world, that makes autism in adults something to be ashamed of, a running joke, stuff like that. Against that background, being normal looks good.

The world will be a better place for people like us to live in when that's no longer the case. That's going to take a while, and along the way it's going to take a lot of getting used to what it means to be autistic, and how we add value to the human equation. Our first steps, it seems to me, are going to be learning to be proud rather than ashamed, learning to contribute rather than gumming up the works, learning to share a view of the world that isn't entirely like the one that your average normal of today is used to.

I understand the other points you make. except this one. i mean the rest as in the nt group, of course they are not exactly homogeneous but then again they can't be wired like us. There is a difference within both groups as well as between both groups.

you do sound like nt in some way, at least you don't have the above misconception like me.

It's a fools game to try to be normal. Your brain is wired differently from normal. It's conceivably possible with enough practice to pretend to be normal well enough to fool most people, but it will always be an act rather than reality.

This doesn't mean you should just give up, though. Instead, I'd say to identify what you really want to accomplish in life, and focus on removing the barriers to that specific achievement. So, for example, I want to be a research psychologist. I don't need to work on becoming less obsessive, because my obsessiveness is actually an asset for that field. I do need to get better organized, though, so I'll focus on learning organizational skills relevant to conducting psychological research.

My way of doing it is being myself and putting myself out there. I show my true colours no matter what the calendar year is and I let myself be seen by other members of society. I put on my best clothes and get out there in my community when my heal isn't bothering me.

Okay, i see your point but you are generalizing way too much. There is not such a thing as you mention above, one who sounds like an NT and one who sounds like an Aspie.

You will find that priorities are different. There are many very socially oriented aspies who have friends, are married, or live in a relationship, are bound to their families. Does this make them an NT? Do they come across as NT's only due to the fact they crave human contact? Does, on the other hand, the lifestyle of an hermit make a person an aspie? Neither of it.

I don't think we have a choice and i am well aware that there are many things i am unable to do. E.g., i have severe problems with talking, i can't watch movies, i can't drive somewhere else than in my usual surroundings, i can't avoid stimming in public, i freak out when someone touches me, to name just a few. But i know there are other aspies who can talk for hours. Watch some Temple Grandin videos. She can talk in public, give lectures, and attend at crowded places such as fairs. Many things i could never do.

If you compare NTs and Aspies as groups there might be differences. However, your genuine question was,


And my answer is, just be yourself. Anything else will throw you into despair.

Do you really have a choice about embracing change (or allowing your natural self to reign?)
If so, congrats. I don't have one.

I think people should only change in aspects they want to because it interferes with their ideal life or goals.

Indeed we would always be an aspie who is trying to change... for the better.. but any real change, is perceived by what we think others think about us (most likely wrong), or what others really think about us (which we won't know)

This.

Option a, just be normal. This requires enormous effort and practice, doesn't work as I can't learn the ever changing social rules quickly enough to appear fully normal and it doesn't get easier with time. It does mean that I am so busy trying to fit in that I can't actually do any productive work and end up hugely stressed and depressed.

Option b, just be yourself. Regardless of how hard you work or how knowledgeable you are you still end up getting sacked for being a freak.

Of course the third option is that society should adapt to start recognising autistics as different. We don't demand n****rs only go out in public if they have surgery to remove the big nose & lips and apply white makeup because they offend social norms.

We don't demand fa***ts deny their perverse sexuality and get married like a normal heterosexual and we don't demand that cripples get off their lazy arse and climb some ladders so why exactly should autistics only be tolerated in polite society if they are capable of not being so god damned autistic?

To begin with, I have to earn a living---so I work five days a week and have summers off. I admit---I really have to push myself to get through the work day. It does not come easy for me. I often focus on my interests as motivators to get me through the day. But since my work day is over at 2:55, I have a big part of the day away from work.

I allow myself to be myself---I do not conform to the way the rest of the so called normal world operates. Although I engage in family necessities like band practices, games, etc., I also do my own thing. I do not hang out with friends. Why? Well, I really don't have any. Does that bother me? No, not all. I prefer it that way. My friends are my interests. Hanging around people other than my family causes me discomfort. Why should I push myself into the social awkwardness of socializing? I'm not doing it. I don't care what others think.

As for being autistic, I am happy. I cannot imagine myself being any other way. I have learned to embrace the positives that autism has given to me and to let those positives work in my life. True, I have challenges---but doesn't everybody. I choose to focus on those things that bring me pleasure. And I am happy with my autism.