Rules and the people around me breaking them.

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Hello everyone hope you're all having a great day,

so me myself i am a perfectionist, i get mad fast because of the smallest things and i clean the house everyday just to make me feel comfortable and know that it's clean(i literally get mad when i see a piece of dirt)

but my family, they don't really care about how clean/quiet it is and stuff so i made 2 full papers of rules with my mom yesterday to make sure my house is livable for everyone(maybe they are too strict but they can't forget that they're living with an aspie)

now, the fact is that i freak out every time someone breaks a rule.. i don't even know whether they've took the time to fully read it.

I really don't like bossing around but my parents aren't enforcing the rules so they allow everyone to break them, what the hell should i do to prevent me from looking like a dictator?

i'll note the rules down here

1)the living room is a shared space so don't leave personal stuff in it, leave it all in your room.

2)Shoes aren't allowed upstairs anymore =broken all the time by my brother and his girlfriend who i don't talk to.

3)no night noise(between 10pm and 6 am)not happened (yet), and no unnecessary day noise either(don't get me started)

4)shoes and jackets in the closet(broken, broken, broken)

5) no bowls or glasses upstairs(guess what)

6)stay off everyone elses property without asking permission(they steal my mom's sigarettes all the time.

7)turn off all electric deviced when leaving the room(haven't checked it yet)

hallways are shared spaces, they don't belong to your room.(their b*llshit is still in there)

9)empty and fill the dishwasher yourself from time to time(they only do it when my eyes are chasing them)

10)clean the dog and cat's urine PLZ!(they always pretend they haven't been up yet and didn't see it)

AND then a whole paper of rules in the badroom.
this list is what my mom made of my list which was 3 times longer.

I really don't like bossing around but my parents aren't enforcing the rules so they allow everyone to break them, what the hell should i do to prevent me from looking like a dictator?

you aspies all know how hard it is to live with other people.
HELP?!?

and its hard to interact with others too when they proclaim something as their belief and then break it and tell you something different-my example someone tells you-- if you want to have a relationship with them that "oh there's and age difference" and you are friends and you develop deep feelings for them the more you hang out and figure they will see that you are serious and forget about the age difference hang up and after a little over a year-they go after another person and get intimate on the first date and they are only 3-4 years younger than you and so the "age difference" belief they had just went out the window-then they admit to you it wasn't the age difference at all(meaning they never believed their own belief because they never had one) and say to you it is your looks and personality but I was ok enough to use me to go places and take them places and thinking a person really likes hanging out with you and really they don't-why can't people follow a basic rule-be honest.

Rules - broken - Ugh!
There are not many people who actually take time to read the rules / laws in the real world.

A long time ago, I was kind of a politician - found out most people didn't mind even small laws being enforced, evenly Think that has changed with time…. Drives me nut.

It is settling to know I’m not part of the problem, but they see me as part of their problem… sound familiar?

Sometimes I think a world of like minded would be nice - I would hate it.. World needs the chaoticness.

Did everyone who "should" be subject to your set of rules agree to them, one by one? Do you personally own the house?

they don't have to agree with them since my mom was the one who it went through right? and my mom owns the house.

The person who owns the house is the one who makes the rules. They are also the ones who enforce them at their own discretion. If they choose not to enforce them- that is their right.

But rules are an important part of my life, and if one makes rules aren't they made to be followed? so they decide when the rules should be followed? i think they should always be followed.

Having someone else in my home make a bunch of rules and expect me to live by them would drive me nuts.

That said in the online game I play it drives me nuts that I have to follow the rules yet so many people break so many rules and don't get in trouble at all. I've been berated on the forums before for not being able to "read between the lines" and understand which rules were listed but apparently weren't really rules because they never get enforced.

Yet other times I'm told something is clearly against the rules yet it is not clearly spelled out in the rules which I read and take literally. You can't win.

But the rules in my house are there to make sure everyone is feeling comfortable, they live with me so they'll have to take note of me, if they don't like that they can always just move somewhere else. and indeed reading between the lines is really hard for myself 2.

They are an important part of your life but you can't impose them on other people when you have no right to. You can make your own rules to always follow but you can't make other people follow your rules. House rules aren't laws. They are guidelines for the smooth running of the home. The person who owns the house gets to decide when a rule must be enforced and when not enforcing it does not compromise the smooth functioning of the house.

Since I'm both a homeowner and a mom, that's the perspective I tend to see it from. All the rules you list do have functionality and some of them would need to be enforced at all times for safety reasons (specifically, the cleaning up the animal urine rule) or for boundary reasons (leave other peoples' stuff alone). But some of the rules would not need to be enforced at all times in order for the home to run smoothly. Your mom gets to decide if it's ok when somebody leaves personal stuff in the living room and when it isn't. She also gets to decide if it's too much of a pain in the neck to always take off shoes before going upstairs and what constitutes "too much" noise during the day. I have house rules too. But they are actually guidelines for smooth running of the house. Also, I'm the mom. If my daughter decided that she was going to make the rules, there would be trouble. She actually has tried this a few times. I tell her that when she has her own home, she gets to make the rules.

When you are the homeowner, you can make the rules and enforce them as you wish. When you are the renter you can make the rules in your own apartment so long as they don't conflict with the landlord's rules. I know it bugs you to no end. But that's just life with other people. When it is more literally your home, then you can decide that anybody who doesn't follow the rules can't stay there. But in your mom's home, it's your mom's decision.

Last edited by Janissy on 21 Oct 2011, 10:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

The problem is that my parents NEVER enforce the rules, they just don't like doing it and don't dare to.. that's not correct either right? it's just that that makes me mad.

That means that those aren't actually the house rules. You just wish they were. And when you have your own home, they can be. But until then, the rules your parents require people to adhere to are the actual house rules.

Oh trust me they are rules, there's a difference between someone who makes rules and someone who makes rules but doesn't dare to have people act upon them, my parents even hung the paper in the house with in big written "RULES" at the top of it.

I strongly suspect your mom put the rules up specifically to placate you and not because she considers them essential to good house living. You are clearly the only one concerned about them. Your siblings know you cannot enforce them and your mom won't, so they don't care.

If you want them to follow the rules, you have to CONVINCE them to obey them, not simply say "You HAVE to follow the rules." Because they don't HAVE to do anything you say. Talk with them calmly and explain how important it is that they do certain things to keep the house neat. If you are reasonable and a little flexible, they will be too.

Yea you might be right, it's just a way of preventing me to go live in a cave There's no way i can explain it to them cause they have to do with effects of my asperger's which they won't understand right? I am because of as sensitive to sound so they can't and won't wanna get it right? Maybe i better go live in a cave LOL

Yeah .....I ve allways had problems with order and organization ,laws and authority .Since I dont get along around people who are too different than me ,and have a hard time concentrating on anything for too long , or keeping up with any routine , I dont get along with rules . I do have some personal rules that I had made up my self , for myself , but I dont like to be pushed around .I dont see eye to eye politically with most people and many of my personal oppionions come off as heresy to many normal people . Those seeking to enforce order annoy me ,and I panic whenever I hear sounds associated with authority or law ,like walkie-talkies , keys jingeling , the word "sir or m'am and anyone who demands to be called those names or "officer " . I am not really a criminal , nor do I nessessarily "break" the rules often , its just that the IDEA of someone pushing me around , telling me what to do creeps me out .