Do you feel a need to reply to everyone?

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swbluto
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22 Oct 2011, 1:50 am

When I create a thread, sometimes I feel a need to reply to everyone because it makes me feel like I'm ignoring everyone else and it feels so rude if I ignore people. Sometimes this makes me pretty hesitant to reply to a single user or a few users because it shows that I'm ignoring everyone else. Since there's a limit to the amount I am physically able to type in a day (RSI issues), I have to balance how much typing I make in responding to people and who I can respond to, but yet, I don't want to limit myself when making a reply.

When I'm replying to someone else's thread, I don't feel this pressure at all.

Does anyone else feel this pressure? I kind of wonder if this kind of "pressure to respond to everyone otherwise you feel rude" is something only NTs have...

(If it is, maybe I can add this to my NT case. I doubt it is, but I'm curious if it might...)



League_Girl
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22 Oct 2011, 1:59 am

No I don't feel that way. But I always feel I should reply to my own thread so people wouldn't think I am doing a hit and run post. If I have nothing to say, maybe I should say only "Thanks for the responses" but that feels crappy so I say nothing. If it's some random thread, I don't feel the need to reply.



Conspicuous
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22 Oct 2011, 2:00 am

Both online and offline, I feel the need to reply directly to people. Part of it is that I feel rude by not responding, and part is a desire to control the conversation (on a forum, at least).



swbluto
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22 Oct 2011, 2:10 am

League_Girl wrote:
No I don't feel that way. But I always feel I should reply to my own thread so people wouldn't think I am doing a hit and run post. If I have nothing to say, maybe I should say only "Thanks for the responses" but that feels crappy so I say nothing. If it's some random thread, I don't feel the need to reply.


Lol, yeah, I know about that. I was thinking about the typical NT way of "addressing this", and it seems they typically have some stereotypical response to most posts like "Thanks for replying!" or "Cool, I do that too!" or "Wow, I have that problem too!" or some other short response.



swbluto
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22 Oct 2011, 2:13 am

Conspicuous wrote:
Both online and offline, I feel the need to reply directly to people. Part of it is that I feel rude by not responding, and part is a desire to control the conversation (on a forum, at least).


You can control conversations? 8O

Dude, that must be an awesome ability to have.



Conspicuous
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22 Oct 2011, 2:22 am

Well, I can keep a forum thread on topic by continuing to post about the topic I prefer. In the offline world, it's more of dominating a conversation by expounding upon one subject until people leave. So yes, I can control conversations. Hmm, I should add "Conversation Tyrant" to my list of self-appointed titles.



johnsmcjohn
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22 Oct 2011, 2:30 am

No. I only reply when someone asks me a question or someone makes an especially poignant observation. I create threads to stimulate overall debate, not to have conversations with specific members. That's what PM's are for.



swbluto
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22 Oct 2011, 2:36 am

Conspicuous wrote:
Well, I can keep a forum thread on topic by continuing to post about the topic I prefer. In the offline world, it's more of dominating a conversation by expounding upon one subject until people leave. So yes, I can control conversations. Hmm, I should add "Conversation Tyrant" to my list of self-appointed titles.


Oh, ok. I know that neurotypicals tend to have the ability to influence the direction of conversations by making the appropriate shifts in topics, so I thought you might've been alluding to that kind of ability.

Hey, are you planning on doing anything for halloween?

(^^See that. That's not an appropriate shift because it's not a smooth transition. Or wait... is it, because "hey" makes it smooth enough?)



swbluto
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22 Oct 2011, 2:39 am

johnsmcjohn wrote:
No. I only reply when someone asks me a question or someone makes an especially poignant observation. I create threads to stimulate overall debate, not to have conversations with specific members. That's what PM's are for.


Is it an Aspie thing to create threads for debates or is that more of a personal preference?

I personally use PMs when I have a random question to ask someone or when there's something I want to discuss in private. "Conversations" don't really exist for me outside of threads (And they don't really seem to last long inside threads.).



Joe90
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22 Oct 2011, 6:37 am

I don't feel like this on WP, but I feel like it when speaking verbally to people. Not sure if it's an NT thing or an Aspie thing really, it's probably just a personality trait or even just a habit.

I was listening to the radio in the car this morning, and a little general interview thing between a man and a woman went (roughly) like this:-
Man: So what are you doing this Christmas then?
Woman: Well me and my family are spending Christmas in the Caribbean this year, because we--
Man: Oh, she's spending Christmas in the Caribbean this year, people!
Woman:....wanted to get away to somewhere hot and sunny this year and get away from the cold weather.

Now, when somebody interrupts me mid-sentence like that, I can't just continue what I was saying after the interruption. I have to somehow respond to what the interruption was. Here's an example to what I would probably say in this conversation:-

Man: So what are you doing this Christmas then?
Me: Well me and my family are spending Christmas in the Caribbean this year because we--
Man: Oh, she's spending Christmas in the Caribbean this year, people!
Me: Yes, I am....it'd be really nice....yer, we wanted to get away to somewhere hot and sunny this year and get away from the cold weather.

Notice a small difference? I don't think it's a unique thing. I'm not the type to go blaming all of my personality traits on what conditions I've got. I just think it's just the way I am, nothing to do with AS. Everybody's different anyway.


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22 Oct 2011, 6:50 am

I try to respond to every one but it seems when I ask a direct question no one responds.


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Ashuahhe
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22 Oct 2011, 6:58 am

I respond to everything on here, irl not so much



Mdyar
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22 Oct 2011, 7:12 am

Out of all of my 7 threads, I like to address everyone in some way. I appreciate the effort.

When I see a question posed in a thread, but without an answer, I stereotypically think "young person." Secondly, the comfort in the anonymity the keyboard provides, makes it easy to refrain. Third: possibly a shortage of time.



Moog
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22 Oct 2011, 7:17 am

swbluto wrote:
When I create a thread, sometimes I feel a need to reply to everyone because it makes me feel like I'm ignoring everyone else and it feels so rude if I ignore people.


If it's a thread I start, I feel a bit more responsibility to reply to people. Replying to everyone is just odd to me though, I'd have to force it. Often I'll use a blanket response like 'thanks to everyone who posted responses' or similar, and then respond to the points that interest me most.

If someone addresses me directly, or quotes me, that seems like a cue to respond. But even then, not always.

Often people are just saying stuff, rather than having a conversation, so they don't really need a response.


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cyberdad
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22 Oct 2011, 7:40 am

swbluto wrote:
When I create a thread, sometimes I feel a need to reply to everyone because it makes me feel like I'm ignoring everyone else and it feels so rude if I ignore people.


Don't feel bad, I estimate the rate of reply to my questions is around 1 in 10. You are therefore one of many here who don't feel compelled to answer everyone. This is not necessarily an "Aspie" trait.



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22 Oct 2011, 5:56 pm

I seem to have a good track record for killing threads?