No wonder most Aspies have such low self-esteem!

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NT behavior may seem discernable but when trying to assimilate and anticipate thier behavior with written rules , we fail because humans are capricious and to them it's natural.

My suggestion is do what's natural for yourself , and if someone looks at you , thier is no need to live under rules that tell you not to look back when your not suppose to just because they make you feel unvarying, just look back , who cares.

No wonder I have such high self-esteem.

"Why can't you be more like your brothers??!"

I used to hear that BS almost everyday when I was growing up...maybe if my brothers were more like me they wouldn't be such cowards and actually stand up and face the music once in a while when they do something wrong, instead of endlessly having all the fun times and leaving me with the blame.

negative thread titles dont help people here, at all

its heartless to whip others so

High school doesn't stop at high school.
People that have spent their entire lives fitting in have no personality of their own, no actions of their own, no brain of their own. Their friendships are highly superficial and they whine when their friends turn on them too.

You do need friends. We all do. Just not them. Find people more like you and don't turn around and mistreat that new friend out of spite of how others have treated you.

They bend the rules.

When people see that you have friends and people that care about you, they will leave you alone.

Great post by the op. It got me thinking that maybe some people see socializing as a game and use double standards in order to confuse aspies. Also I find being told that I need to be more confident a little bit under meaning. I could just be over analyzing things though. I think the majority of people are pretty easy going and acceptable to my quirks its just I sometimes seem to attract the wrong sort.

Well it's so annoying when I'm expected to think of other people's feelings, but other people don't give a crap when it comes to my feelings. If somebody huff and sighs at me and makes me feel uncomfortable, it's always ''ohh maybe they're having a bad day'', in other words I have to respect their feelings and let them huff and sigh at me. But when I'm having a bad day and I happen to just give a little tut, it's a different story. It's always ''smile more, stop acting so irritated, you're drawing attention to yourself'', even though I'm more sensitive than the average person and so I naturally get more uncomfortable when other people react harshly, but I don't react half as harshly as what I've seen others do, but I'm still expected to give myself up to make everyone else happy when I'm out.
For example yesterday in the supermarket I was choosing something off the shelf then just gently stepped back into somebody's trolley and it moved an inch, it was just a little error, and I said sorry, but the woman who was pushing the trolley just tutted, and I made myself think, ''I will ignore her, maybe she's feeling a bit irritated or something'', but then a few minutes later I was just coming out of one of the aisles when somebody knocked right into me with their trolley (and they were moving so fast), and I hurt my rib, and I just pulled a frown and the person pushing the trolley looked at me as though my small reaction was wrong. I bet they didn't think, ''oh maybe she reacted negatively because she's having a bad day or something''. No - nobody ever thinks that.

I really cannot make it out. It's like they see a common trait in any humans but consider it a visible Aspie trait in Aspies and puts it down all over the diagnostic criteria, and you feel like saying, ''hold on a minute - I see people doing that all the time.''

I think quirks aren't that visible in NTs. I will never know why. This is why I don't like having Asperger's. You can never win.
And this is what is making me feel that it is an Aspie trait to have too much empathy. I can read body language well. If somebody is coming towards me looking a bit apprehensive or unconfident or nervous with their head down, I look away from them because I think to myself, ''maybe they're looking like that because they might not want to look at anyone or catch anybody looking at them, so I'm not going to make them feel even more nervous by staring at him. Maybe something bad has happened in his life and he's feeling a bit upset or unsociable at this moment'', but when the boot is on the other foot (which it normally is), nobody has empathy or sympathy or whatever these words are, and nobody considers my feelings. They just think they can stare at me to their heart's content and not give a crap about how I may be feeling.

People just think I was born yesterday.

What Joe90 describes is what I see all the time in people. I see the black and white thinking people do, the rigidness, the lack of empathy, misreading people, etc. and it confuses me. I cannot tell the difference between an aspie doing it and an NT. It's like AS doesn't even exist but I know it does exist and I see myself as normal because if everyone else has traits, then I am normal and it's no different when I do it. I cannot tell when it's my AS or just me being normal because everyone does it. Maybe when you are moderate or severe, then it's obvious but when you are mild, you have a hard time knowing the difference.

My defense always is "Isn't anyone like that?" "Wouldn't NTs do that too" "What's the difference between me and NTs doing it?" "Normal people do it too."

"You're not like other people, you know." I remember the first time I heard that and how it stunned me. The voice was full of scorn. No wonder I would hide away, try to make myself invisible. While Aspies can be blunt, it's not with scorn or attitude, it's just the facts. But NTs seem to like to be blunt with a knife edge, cutting right through you. It would be easy to get down on myself, but I know I'm better than that. I know I'm better than them.

You bring up a very good point and I noticed these things as a kid. There were always kids who could get away with anything and others who could get away with nothing. It didn't seem fair. I am sure the ones who got hypercritical responses from others suffered eroding self esteem while those who were never criticised developed a positive image of themselves.

One rule for us Aspies and another one for allistic people. I have experienced such double standards It isn't fair but that, is allistic society. Welcome to Babylon

One thing that annoys me is when people say "Think positive" when there is really no objective reason to be positive in the given situation. "You blew it!" is harsh, but much more truthful at the moment.

"We all learn at our own pace." That hurts when you're the slow learner, especially at social things, when you're not slow otherwise.

These days, most things people say to bolster my self-confidence winds up having the opposite effect, driving me deeper into a hole. Only positive action, not words, will help me move forward at this point.

i think that what you guys and girls are all talking about, which many of you have labelled as hypocrisy
is actually discrimination and specifically disability discrimination.

I think that there are various reasons why people discriminate. Some times its because they are ignorant
and do not understand the complex nature of the condition that we suffer from.

Then you have people who discriminate even though they know better, because they can get away with it.
In such cases, then it is intentional abuse.

Then of course there are the cases when it could cost the people money, so they choose to ignore the disability.
This is also intentional abuse.

I liken my experiences of being discriminated against by most people to what it must have been like for people of an African American origin living in America during the 50s before racism was made illegal.

I also think that some choose to discriminate against people with the "invisible" disability because they can get away with it. I think that most people actually like bullying people, and subjecting others to abuse.

But when discrimination laws came into place people could no longer get away with being racist, homophobic, sexist, or discriminating against people with physical disabilities or serious intellectual impairment.

However, with Asperger Syndrome, these people are clever, but very stressed and a bit mad.
So from a neurotypical perspective, its someone they are aloud to pick on and no one will say or do anything.
As the neural typical people will just say that we are being horrible, instead of them recognising our behaviours
as part of a real neurological condition and disability.

What i also found extremely ironic, several years a go i unfortunately got involved in a toxic relationship with a woman
who basically subjected me to all sorts of psychological abuse, exploitation and even physical assault (including pulling bladed weapons on me with intent). The relationship included forced marriage, forced conversion to her totalitarian religion, cut off from family and friends. She enforced extreme rules on me. But then broke all the rules herself.
When i pulled her up on her hypocrisy, she thew massive violent abusive tantrums which included her screaming at me a lot, sometimes i reacted by shouting back. i am hypersensitive to sound, (part of my diagnosis).

Because i shouted back the woman claimed that i was abusive towards her, after i also found evidence that she was cheating. I broke up with her several years ago.

Ironically, she is now a human rights activist and has recently converted to Islam.
Now that's hypocrisy!