Going to tell my fiancée about my Asperger's this week...

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Ganondox
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23 Nov 2011, 3:20 pm

Shadewraith wrote:
OJani wrote:
As for having children, I think there's too much concern about it. With so much knowledge at hand and services unknown not long ago I doubt bringing up children with some kind of ASD would be much of a problem. You'll have a special kid, that's all.


I've heard that autism isn't hereditary, but through a mutation. I may have a higher chance of causing the mutation, but from what I understand it's not 100% guaranteed that my child will have what I do. I'm seeing a lot of people saying both that it is and isn't genetic. It has be concerned because I know that my fiancee wants kids.


BS. Yes, the gene could come from a mutation, but it's a lot more likely to be passed on from an existenting gene. All genes are hereditary.


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Shadewraith
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23 Nov 2011, 3:25 pm

Ganondox wrote:
Intelligent + Autistic does not equal savant. Savantism is different than that. I wonder if people with AS have a higher risk of having a LFA child than ordinary people. Who knows are closely related they are.


I never claimed to be a savant. I said that my doctor was one. As for the risk of having a low-functioning autistic child, I really hope that's not true. It's one of my biggest concerns when I think about having a family.


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OJani
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23 Nov 2011, 4:50 pm

Shadewraith wrote:
OJani wrote:
As for having children, I think there's too much concern about it. With so much knowledge at hand and services unknown not long ago I doubt bringing up children with some kind of ASD would be much of a problem. You'll have a special kid, that's all.


I've heard that autism isn't hereditary, but through a mutation. I may have a higher chance of causing the mutation, but from what I understand it's not 100% guaranteed that my child will have what I do. I'm seeing a lot of people saying both that it is and isn't genetic. It has be concerned because I know that my fiancee wants kids.

From what little I know about autism and genes, it's not a mutation, at least most of it isn't. It's more of a risk having inherited genes in a combination so that you'll have a specific allele (variant of a gene) that may cause ASD. Environmental factors also count in, so it's not entirely hereditary. There's an increased probability you'll have an LFA child, even then, if he or she will have siblings, it's highly unlikely they all will be like that. There will be HFAs and even NTs, as many examples I've come across support this.



shyengineer
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23 Nov 2011, 7:21 pm

It sounds like you have everything well prepared so that's good. I don't think anyone would abandon someone because of autism - it doesn't change who you are because a group of traits is given a name.

When I told my girlfriend of five years that I think I might have AS, she just said "Oh yeah...! That makes sense." She knows I am odd but loves me for it with or without a label and our relationship has never been better. It does make it easier when trying to deal with the problematic bits, like me having meltdowns, shutdowns, panic attacks etc. because she knows I'm not just being an a***hole. Regarding counselling and medication, if it is helping you, then why would she have a problem? My girlfriend is glad I am talking to someone else about my problems. You could also take her with you to meet your psychologist and psychiatrist to discuss what you are doing and why you are doing it.

As for children, my Dad is more AS than I am but the biggest problem is that he doesn't know it and has dealt with it badly and he was a bad father because of that, not because of AS. The other day he found out I thought I might be AS, and he told me "you don't have asperger's, you're an engineer." :lol: Even if you do have a child on the spectrum (everyone has the risk of having children with severe disabilities, but it's very low), I think you are in the best position if you are on the spectrum yourself because you can understand it and will have considerable experience dealing with the good and bad sides.

Good luck.



Shadewraith
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26 Nov 2011, 2:22 am

Just thought everyone would like to know that I told her and she reacted neither positively or negatively. It was more of a "well, if that's who you are then okay." kind of thing. Pretty anticlimactic, but at least I'm not afraid of it any more.

When I did tell her that we needed to talk about something, the first thing she asked was "You're not breaking up with me, are you?" which was a relief, in a way. It showed me that that was a possible fear of hers.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who gave me support on this :D :D :D


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