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dianthus
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26 Nov 2011, 12:55 pm

I guess NT's get offended because they are not very logical. They don't interpret comments in a logical way, they just react emotionally. With some people it's like they are just looking for something to get offended by, and it doesn't really matter what you say. They will just automatically take it as offensive because they want to, or because they are predisposed to doing so.

Many times I've realized a person was offended, or otherwise misinterpreted my comment, because they did not understand the logical implications of what I said. They just took it emotionally and didn't think it through. And I would realize they expected me to apologize or explain in some way to make them "feel better", and that is probably what another person would do but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I may feel for them but just the same I think they are doing it to themselves.



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26 Nov 2011, 12:57 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
Asian's don't have actually slanted eyes so much as they lack the fold for the upper lid.

Come on now, you knew somebody would point that out.

Frances


Yeah it was a bad, politically incorrect statement, I anticipated being flamed a bit for it. The analogy is a good one though. The Chinese person can't help being Chinese but the offendee could take it as an opportunity to patch up a vulnerability in him/herself. Although people can refrain from using "bad language" or saying other offensive things, I think its silly that they are expected to do so while the person who gets offended by it isn't held responsible at all. If they weren't so easily offended to begin with then there wouldn't be a problem. I'm being a hypocrite though, I get offended when someone tries to belittle me with their words and its my responsibility to not care what other people say or think about me. Everyone has their own perspective. If what they say or think about you isn't true then why care what they think? If it is true then they're either doing you a favor by making you aware of a problem, not telling you anything you don't already know or else just viewing you in a negative light because thats the light their model of reality shines on you.



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26 Nov 2011, 1:04 pm

Ganondox wrote:
Jellybean wrote:
Someone got annoyed with me at work (again) today because they asked me 'what is a winter white?' and I answered 'a hamster'. The lady got grumpy with me and said 'yeah (in a DUUH kind of way), I know it is a hamster...' Then started to ask another question but before she even finished said 'Oh don't bother I'll go find someone else...' I still don't know what she was actually asking if she didn't want to know it was a hamster... Cage size? How big is hamster? I just don't get it!

Also we get a lot of people come into our rodent room thinking the gerbils are guinea pigs, so I don't always assume I am working with people who can understand all the biology... I am going to go memorise all my animal books so next time someone asks something like this I can rattle off 10 hours of information... but that might make them go as well! Can't win!


She wanted you to describe it, I guess. I would have said "a hampster" at first too.


I wouldn't have known it was a hamster but had I asked that question 'hamster' would have been the answer I was looking for lol



bumble
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26 Nov 2011, 1:06 pm

Never ever give an NT an observation lol. I can remember watching someone laugh once and the face they pulled genuinely made me think of a donkey so I said "it reminds me of a donkey when you laugh".

I was only 14 but OH MY GOD the reaction I got to that!! !! !!

Ever since I have pretty much learned to keep my 'observations' to myself lol. It is safer that way!

People are so tetchy! And they say I am over-sensitive.

Apart from which what is wrong with a donkey, I find them quite cute!

Also, never say to someone who is overweight that they are that way because they eat too much and don't exercise enough. I am overweight and if someone said that to me I wouldn't be offended, I would simply reply with 'You are correct' as it's true but my oh my people tend to get upset over such statements! Another ouch moment from my life.



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26 Nov 2011, 1:12 pm

Donkeys are cute! I did something similar once...comparing a woman to a hippo (quite some time ago). I had been very much liking hippo's at that time and thought I was giving her a compliment!


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26 Nov 2011, 1:16 pm

It's funny... there's this guy in my school who constantly gets pissed off at me for no apparent reason
And I think it has mostly to do with how I handle social situations
Yet at the same time he is clearly ripping off my painting style and calling it his own

I've noticed how people use their cliques to cover up their own bad behavior while projecting it onto me
for my psychotic and loner tendencies have made me into their shadow projection of everything they hate about themselves to project onto me while at the same time I don't engage in the 'behaviors' they do.... ie... gossiping. promiscuity. f*****g the teachers and covering it up, with their clique.
anyways
I am deeply offended by these clique behaviors
It really breaks my heart sometimes to watch these cliques gather around talking s**t about loner eccentric people at the same time as they themselves are being 'naughty' :(

While because of my autistic/insane brutal honesty I am constantly in the spotlight of social humiliation which I have developed an 'armor' around myself where I can no longer blame myself for who i am



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26 Nov 2011, 2:34 pm

It's not just an NT thing, aspies get offended easily too. Sometimes even a word can change the whole meaning of a sentence and bam people get offended.

I can remember the time I said about my aunt and uncle when I opened their wedding gift, "They may be cheap, but they weren't cheap enough to not get us a wedding present" and everyone laughed. I said that to my aunt and uncle in their thank you card and she was offended by it.

I asked my mother this year if things would have been different if I used the word frugal than cheap and she told me 'Yeah things would have been different. No one would have laughed and they all would have said "Yeah Beth they are frugal" and agree.


On Babycenter I used the word claim when I said my friend claims to have three kids when she only has two and women there got offended by it and interpreted it as she can't say she has three kids. Now if I said she says she has three kids even though she has two,I wonder if things would have been different.


Even members here have told me what the word claim implies and what cheap implies and some aspies ere have told me they be offended if someone called them cheap.


Sometimes joking at the wrong time can offend people, like if you are serious and in need of support and someone makes a joke about one of your spelling errors, you be upset, that has happened here before. I get upset when my husband jokes around and I am serious because it feels he isn't taking me seriously.


I have had experience with aspies when I be talking and they seem to get offended at what I say and one of my aspie friends would suggest what it was I said in it so therefore it changed the meaning of what I wrote. I have had that happen with me here.

Oh yeah I remember the time on IM, a guy showed me a picture of himself and I asked him if he was an Italian because of his tan skin. He said he was an American and he wasn't Italian. he even said he was offended. I don't know why that offended him. I have gotten asked where I am from or if I am from Australia or England or from the wast coast and that doesn't offend me.


Also sometimes we can all say something that we think is true but it may not be true for that person because we are just assuming so therefore we are judging. Like how many of us get offended when people call us lazy? A lot. The people who are calling us that may think it's because what they said is true and we were offended by the truth.

One time a woman asked my baby at the store "Where are your socks?" Now I would have taken this literal thinking it was a curious question but after being at Babycenter, I learned it means you are a bad mother for not having their feet covered. But I still wasn't offended by it and I just said he keeps taking them off so I don't bother putting them on his feet or else I will lose the socks. I don't know if the woman was using the double meaning or if she really meant what she said. I think people read into things too much and even NTs are sensitive to criticism. They may also take something as criticism just like aspies.



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26 Nov 2011, 2:42 pm

I wonder if they were really that butthurt by what you said. Sometimes people just react negatively to things that are considered socially inappropriate. Using foul language is one of them. Same with comparing food to something people find disgusting. I don't truly understand the offense though. I'd just crack up if you said that stuff. It wasn't anything personally insulting to anyone.



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26 Nov 2011, 2:55 pm

It baffles me that people get offended if you don't like their food or if you say it looks gross or tastes nasty. I wasn't offended on my 7th birthday when one of my mom's cousin's daughter said she didn't want any of my cake because she doesn't like cake and she only likes cheese cake. I wonder if a grown up be offended by that if another grown up said that? I still wouldn't be offended if someone said that.



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26 Nov 2011, 3:06 pm

Doesn't matter when NTs come upto an Aspie and calls them ''weird'' though, does it? :roll:

Sorry, that always throws me.


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marshall
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26 Nov 2011, 3:29 pm

League_Girl wrote:
It baffles me that people get offended if you don't like their food or if you say it looks gross or tastes nasty. I wasn't offended on my 7th birthday when one of my mom's cousin's daughter said she didn't want any of my cake because she doesn't like cake and she only likes cheese cake. I wonder if a grown up be offended by that if another grown up said that? I still wouldn't be offended if someone said that.

Because it's not about being personally offended. It's about violating a cultural norm.



dianthus
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26 Nov 2011, 3:37 pm

League_Girl wrote:
It baffles me that people get offended if you don't like their food or if you say it looks gross or tastes nasty.


Yeah this is a life long problem for me, as I am a very picky eater. I have never understood why someone would be offended if I said I didn't want to eat the food they offered me. I don't know why they care what I eat or don't eat in the first place.



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26 Nov 2011, 4:01 pm

marshall wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
It baffles me that people get offended if you don't like their food or if you say it looks gross or tastes nasty. I wasn't offended on my 7th birthday when one of my mom's cousin's daughter said she didn't want any of my cake because she doesn't like cake and she only likes cheese cake. I wonder if a grown up be offended by that if another grown up said that? I still wouldn't be offended if someone said that.

Because it's not about being personally offended. It's about violating a cultural norm.


Well its bloomin daft to have to say you like something when you don't!

Now if you say something like "Your cooking is awful and I would rather not eat it" to some that could be insulting if they are sensitive about their cooking abilities (personally I could have told them that my cooking can be awful so...). But if you say "I am sorry I don't eat carrot cake because I do not like it" that is stating a preference and is not really offensive at all.

I'd say the person reacting to that comment was far too stuffy and over sensitive.

Or it could be that they went to a lot of effort to prepare the food and take the refusal as a rejection. Really that is no fault of the person being offered the food though as the person who prepared the food might have done better if they had checked what the person liked instead of just assuming they would like it.

If I am cooking for people I ask them what kind of things they like first.



Last edited by bumble on 26 Nov 2011, 4:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

dianthus
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26 Nov 2011, 4:03 pm

People think you are being arrogant if you reject the food they like to eat, like you are saying you are better than them. They don't understand the concept of personal preference.



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26 Nov 2011, 6:22 pm

We tend to get easily offended too, for different reasons though.


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26 Nov 2011, 8:54 pm

In the NT world C word is a sign of disrespect for women and should never be spoken in social situations. Even if you are quoting a movie.
They will act disgusted and you will see the look of hatred on their faces.
I am an aspie female and if I heard It I would not care so much.
Don't ever compare your food to any thing that relates to insets. NTs find it disgusting . They have to eat that food and It wont be too easy to digest after that images is in their minds.
It's about what is respectfully and appropriate in a social situation. Use your emotional judgment and experience that's what I do. It will improve with time.
I used to make those mistakes all the time but i learned. Try not to use curse words at all.
Chinese people can not help their appearance and I cant understand how it can bother you. They belong in the western world just as much as white people.
I don't think aspergers can make you be bothered by Chinese's people.