Using words to describe how you feel

Post Reply New Topic

Today I saw a psychiatrist and one of the things he asked me was how I feel during a difficult social situation. I said it feels awkward and other such words. He wanted to know how I feel when I break down (like when it all becomes too much and I find myself in tears as soon as I am alone). I said I feel overwhelmed, frustrated. He wanted me to use a word to describe the feeling - do I feel hurt? I said no I don't feel hurt, nobody has hurt me, this is my problem so I don't feel like anyone has done anything TO me. He argued that I still must feel something like hurt, and commented that I describe feelings by using objective words rather than "feeling" words.

I couldn't think of any deep emotional words to describe the feeling but he said there must be some because I have an emotional reaction. Do you agree? Is it common for those with ASD to have trouble matching words to feelings?

I would use the exact same words. I'd add deep pressure in head, burning or dizzy or brain fogginess. These all seem to be 'symptom words.'

I don't feel hurt, maybe a little embarrassed, insulted, and jealous. I feel those all at separate times, not just in one social situation. Argumentative is a good one too. Possibly confused, like when people say something I didn't expect, momentarily I am confused.
How about nervous or worried?

It's called alexythymia, which just means you don't have words for your feelings. It seems to be fairly common in ASD.

Hmm yeah I'd agree with a lot of those terms as well. But trying to see it from the psych's perspective, I still don't think they attach a feeling to the emotional response, i.e. I think he wants me to attach a word to the crying. None of those words really attach to the act of crying like "hurt" or "upset" or "sad" would. At least I think that's what he's getting at...

I regularly say my mood is "alexythymic" to my therapist, otherwise I just still to the usual basics of "sad" "happy" and "apathetic".

Ow wow I'm stealing that one now, next time he asks I'll tell him I felt alexithymic

That's why therapy is difficult for me to do. IMy shrink has asked me if I've been hurt, and everytime she asks I say "no, I hardly hang out with anyone else". I also tell my shrink I feel overwhelmed, almost to a point of "shutdown" in social situations, especially events/places in which a lot of people gather (parties, school, malls, etc.). When she asks me to tell her more about what my feelings are like during a shutdown, I tell her I can't think, let alone feel during those situations.

Yeah, I don't think 'sad' or 'hurt' are fitting for me. I use overwhelmed a lot when I describe crying or even just call it a meltdown. When my cat gets injured I always burst into tears and I attach the word 'responsible' to it. Was I upset? Yes, but I can't experience the feeling of upset when I say it.

I once scored really high on the Alexithymia test but a lot of that was due to ignorance of what word is placed onto what emotion and when, now that I know what feelings mean I thought it was good enough to say I didn't have it, but I'm starting to question that.

I can't describe my feelings in terms of vague verbal labels. The labels just have no meaning attached to them whatsoever. Happy? Sad? Angry is the only one that means something. (Turns into Hulk) Even frustrated or overwhelmed don't mean much to me, and I didn't really understand their meanings until I read other people use these words on WP and match them up to overloads or meltdowns or whatever.

This is how I describe feelings, "It's like I'm having a great dream in which I gain a great insight into something and I'm Thumpering to work out all the details and put this insight to use but I just need to dream a couple of minutes longer to get the full picture but I'm woken up to be dragged off to be hanged, drawn, and quartered for no reason and totally unexpectedly." <---This is the feeling of being interrupted when I'm doing something.

Or I bring up a bunch of science or art or literature metaphors for feelings, like stimming into hyperfocus feeling like laser pumping or the feeling of walking around looking at things like the Eye of Sauron focusing in on the hobbits or my normal everyday feeling like a metronome or the feeling of trying and failing to fake NT like red and blue making purple but not referring to colors. And here, let me draw an air picture, or are there markers and a whiteboard for me to draw on?

I'm horrible with words. I know that everyone has trouble to an extent putting their thoughts into words and that nothing anyone says can ever be an exact translation of what they mean, but it's just ridiculous with me most of the time. Imagine trying to erect a house of cards while wearing thin gloves. That's what most NTs are like. Me, I'm wearing boxing gloves.

^ For someone with boxing gloves, you sure seem to be good at typing on a computer.

My mom often asks me how I feel and I often tell her "I don't know" and I'm telling the truth. I honestly don't know how I feel most of the time. I can only label spefic negetive emotions such as rage and frustration.

Me too. For the last few years I have answered "how are you" with "I'm not sure... same as last week."

I could tell them, but it would take a long time and then scare them. Trapped is the only simple word, but there is no easy solution so what's the point in bothering others?

I gave up trying to explain how I feel in simple terms years ago. I sometimes mentally practice telling people, but cannot conceive a positive outcome: their views are usually the opposite of mine, so it would create conflict and increase the distance between us. I gave up trying to share so long ago that I have lost the ability. My limited brain capacity is better occupied in more productive areas.

If people really want to understand how I feel then they need at least an hour, and need to avoid familiar words that are defined in terms of NTs. yes I am lonely, but not in that way. Yes I am frustrated, but not in that way. yes I feel a failure (so far), but not in the way they mean. when I have succeeded in explaining to people they realize that they have no answers. I could ave told them that at the start and saved them the time, but I appreciate their good intentions.

That is why I like WrongPlanet. Here people understand that different really means different.

Words like "lonely" and "trapped" and "frustrated" and "unhappy" do not have the same context for me that others expect, nor do I share their priorities, so my solutions are not their solutions. So talking of feelings does little good.

(Just to illustrate how I see things so differently, I just updated my web site: AnswersAnswers.com

I was always taught that people don't really care and when people ask "how are you" to answer "fine, how are you", espically to people I don't know that well or have just met. Sure, it's probably lying, but I think most people say "how are you?" becuase that's the only thing they can think of to break the ice and they've been trained to do so.

Metaphor.

But yes, typically I'm much better at expressing myself when typing than I am when speaking. I can type out sentences, look at them all there on the screen, piece them together, and edit myself, with no rush at all. (Edit: It took me over five minutes just to compose this post.) But sometimes I lose even that ability; I recently posted in some other topics about how I would spend literally three hours trying to form just a single paragraph. It's like my mind shuts down, and I can't express myself at all. It makes me understand what non-verbal autistics must feel like. It's amazingly frustrating. It makes me want to cry and punch the first person I see.

Jory, I know that shut down feeling when you're expected to describe how you're feeling. I get it a lot. I just can't put words to what I'm feeling, because I have no idea what I'm really feeling.

My therapist says, "How do you feel about that?" And I say, "I don't know." And then she presses me for an answer. And I just go completely blank and can't talk.

One thing that really helped me at least in therapy, is that we decided we'd use music to try and access my feelings. So when I can't describe what I'm feeling, I can use a song (usually someone else's song, occasionally one I wrote myself) that evokes similar feelings in me, and then it's a little bit easier to describe what I'm feeling.