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seekingtruth
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28 Dec 2011, 10:01 pm

earthmom wrote:
SeekingTruth - what happened at the psych ward? Did they just calm you down and did they have any insight about the confusion thing?


Gave me a clinical depression diagnosis with possible Bipolar diagnosis in which they 'tried out' lythium on me. Bipolar was ruled out as I was completely nuts on it, higher then s**t and was watching my thoughts tumbling all over the place, even sometimes seeing my thoughts as words in the air above me, totally the wrong medication for me. Yikes!

I do remember this: I hated myself so much and I will never forget a nurse who asked me "Do you think the others here are worthless?" I answered no, these were some of the most caring and interesting people I'd ever met. and she said "You are just like them, if you like them you need to like yourself." That nurse may have saved my life, it was the first time someone filled me in on the idea that I wasn't a strange entity that was nothing like the other people in the world.

It took a lot of time and another hospital stay 5 years later to fully understand that my severe depression was due to the abuse my husband at the time was inflicting on me. Seems it's really hard (or was then) for doc's to realize how damaging emotional abuse can be to a person. Or perhaps I just didn't explain myself well enough and they hadn't even considered abuse, I was pretty confused at the time.

When I left him my suicidal thoughts left me. But still have cognitive/memory issues but then it was figured to be PTSD causing it.

It's only come to light that a lot of my issues could be an Asperger's diagnosis since my 6 year old son has been diagnosed with Asperger's. But the whole abuse stuff and the PTSD really clouds things and has altered some of my 'natural' tendencies. So I guess I'm a melting pot of problems, but the more i look into this, the more I 'remember' aspie traits that I'd started out with that made it easy for me to be vulnerable and unsuspecting of what my ex was when I met him and how it was so easy for him to suck me into a life of horror.

On the bright side, I'm re-married to a sweet, caring man who also has Aspie traits and we seem to be so fit for each other and are best friends. when we met it was seriously the first time I'd met anyone who understood me and he felt the same as well. We had no idea of the possibility of us being Aspies (didn't know what that was) all we knew was we were both the 'black sheep' or our families and we were now the family that we'd both been missing.

p.s. please forgive spelling errors, I'm having cognitive issues regarding spelling lately


_________________
Looks like I'm most likely and Aspie myself, must be why I can understand my beautiful Aspie son so well.
Your Aspie score: 168 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


earthmom
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28 Dec 2011, 10:06 pm

I'm really glad that nurse said that to you - isn't it amazing what things stick in our heads for the good? It was meant to be said, you were meant to hear it.

I'm also really glad you got away from the bad situation and now are in a much better one. That's very positive.

I often do the chicken and egg thing myself - was abused as a child and often wonder did I have AS before and in spite of that abuse or are my problems because of the abuse, enhanced by the abuse, or totally unrelated? You just can't sort that kind of stuff out, I don't think.

I yam what I yam, yes? :)


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seekingtruth
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28 Dec 2011, 10:15 pm

earthmom wrote:
I'm really glad that nurse said that to you - isn't it amazing what things stick in our heads for the good? It was meant to be said, you were meant to hear it.

I'm also really glad you got away from the bad situation and now are in a much better one. That's very positive.

I often do the chicken and egg thing myself - was abused as a child and often wonder did I have AS before and in spite of that abuse or are my problems because of the abuse, enhanced by the abuse, or totally unrelated? You just can't sort that kind of stuff out, I don't think.

I yam what I yam, yes? :)


Oh man, do I know what you are talking about!

I did a lot of dissassociation because of the abuse, so many blocks of my life just wiped out.

i read about Aspies and their amazing memories and I wonder since I have such a horrible memory, especially for detail, I just get so amazingly overwhelmed with detail that I shut down. Just cooking meals will cause shutdown and meltdown, throwing the food out the window and going to a resturant to have someone else deal with preparing food for us.

So I wonder, can I be Aspie if I can't remember stuff? Then I wonder if the abuse, dissassociation, and PTSD are the cause for the memory problems. Some things I have amazing memory for, like that nurse saying that to me. Losing detail is kind of a survival mode for living in abuse, so much you have to block out just to keep going.

Add Aspie traits to being abused and just imagine how confusing life is? So block it out to survive I guess.....


_________________
Looks like I'm most likely and Aspie myself, must be why I can understand my beautiful Aspie son so well.
Your Aspie score: 168 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


ghostar
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29 Dec 2011, 12:03 pm

seekingtruth wrote:
earthmom wrote:
I'm really glad that nurse said that to you - isn't it amazing what things stick in our heads for the good? It was meant to be said, you were meant to hear it.

I'm also really glad you got away from the bad situation and now are in a much better one. That's very positive.

I often do the chicken and egg thing myself - was abused as a child and often wonder did I have AS before and in spite of that abuse or are my problems because of the abuse, enhanced by the abuse, or totally unrelated? You just can't sort that kind of stuff out, I don't think.

I yam what I yam, yes? :)


Oh man, do I know what you are talking about!

I did a lot of dissassociation because of the abuse, so many blocks of my life just wiped out.

i read about Aspies and their amazing memories and I wonder since I have such a horrible memory, especially for detail, I just get so amazingly overwhelmed with detail that I shut down. Just cooking meals will cause shutdown and meltdown, throwing the food out the window and going to a resturant to have someone else deal with preparing food for us.

So I wonder, can I be Aspie if I can't remember stuff? Then I wonder if the abuse, dissassociation, and PTSD are the cause for the memory problems. Some things I have amazing memory for, like that nurse saying that to me. Losing detail is kind of a survival mode for living in abuse, so much you have to block out just to keep going.

Add Aspie traits to being abused and just imagine how confusing life is? So block it out to survive I guess.....


I, too know exactly what you guys are talking about! My childhood memories are just mostly traumatic events without any clear connection to one another which is strange since my memory is absolutely eidetic since I became an adult and got out of the abusive home.

The PTSD triggers coupled with Aspie traits makes navigating the world an especially confusing task.

I still can't quite decide whether the abuse exacerbated the natual Aspie in me or whether my Aspie nature helped me cope with the abuse as I never accepted that I was at fault for any of what happened to me by my parents' hand. I of course considered whether I had done something to "deserve" the abuse but quickly and consistently came to the conclusion that I had done nothing wrong.

My siblings (all NT) have not fared as well as adults. None of them has ever managed to finish high school or hold a stable job. I believe this is because on some level, they think they are worthless and deserved to be tortured by their own parents. If my theory about my sibs is correct, then being an Aspie literally saved my quality of life as I have a great education, job and now even own my own home. I am infinitely grateful for my brain...just the way it is. :D



invisiblespectrum
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29 Dec 2011, 6:22 pm

I pretty consistently have attentional problems, but when I'm anxious and/or depressed I think they get worse.



Mdyar
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29 Dec 2011, 10:36 pm

"''It is a terrible thing to live in fear," a line from Blade Runner, from a running replicant-- Roy.

Confusion and a subsequent all encompassing fear. When on a wane cycle, you know or are aware of what is happening, but you cannot function in real time. The misses in social cognition are replayed later and only understood later. By virtue of this fact, I'd guess this is not ASD related.

The strange thing is I can't find a sole ADHD account of it. But it may have to do with SCT or sluggish cognitive tempo. The 'absolute hell' of ADD.

ASD and ADHD crossovers are puzzling.

Thanks all for posting.