Not knowing how to end an activity or conversation

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northbrbrain
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26 Jan 2012, 12:01 am

I considered just adding this to the prior topic posted, but the first post is so long already :?

Have you ever experienced being with someone and not knowing how to end a conversation or activity? For example, sitting making convo but you just can't end it (it is worse when the other person doesn't know how to end it either!)

Or going to an event whereby it is unclear when the "ending" is. For example, the mall. Or a store. You are with someone and you don't know how long they want to linger at the store.....you browse and have no interest in the items but think the other person is interested. This can be very disquieting, because it is unclear how much the person may be following YOU thinking YOU are interested in certain items or sales.

.....then not knowing how long to linger at the store because you don't know how long the other person wants to linger..... but you have no true interest in anything at the store.

Or anything for that matter.....

How long to browse at the mall? The bookstore? What if the person is only pretending to read a book because he/she thinks YOU are engrossed in an item; when the true fact is neither of you want to be there and are just trying to please/secondguess the other. And when is the true ending?!? When do you say "it's time to leave" or "shall we go home?"

Anyway, these are a few small examples of why social situations are so exhausting and annoying 8O :cry:



dianthus
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26 Jan 2012, 12:17 am

Yes I have a horrible time with ending conversations. It is really huge problem for me. Especially on the phone.

Most people will end it soon enough, so I don't have to. But worst case scenario, I get stuck listening to people who talk a lot, and they will just go on and on. I can't figure out when it's my turn to talk at all, much less when or how to end the conversation.



justalouise
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26 Jan 2012, 12:26 am

It took me a long time to figure it out, but in these situations the best thing to do if you can is be straightforward. "So, how long were you thinking of browsing around this place? I'm not too worried about it, just want to know what to expect."

With phone conversations it's a little touchier. I don't really like them! Usually when it gets to the point where both people don't have much to talk about, I feel OK saying "cool, well I should get back to (whatever activity was interrupted, or, whatever)". It does depend on who you're talking to though. If you're having a weird or tense conversation, or someone is upset/needs emotional support, sometimes there are awkward silences that you have to make a concentrated effort to break out of.

Complicated and tiresome, for sure. Like I said...it took me a long time, but it did get easier with practice.



Zl3395
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26 Jan 2012, 12:53 am

True I have the same problem. It usually ends with one of us saying "ok I have to go ( insert activity)



Doubutsu
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26 Jan 2012, 12:55 am

I don't know what "making convo" is.
If you are shopping with someone and you are done I think you can try asking him what is he looking for, if he says he is done then you can tell him that you are done too.
Regarding phonecalls what I do is wait for a pause and say something like "well, I hope you ------- , see you soon", I don't know if it's the same at your country, try listening how do your family end phonecalls, also look if they change their voice tone, here we change it when saying good bye, at least in my family, I will try to pay attention to another's one conversation to see if they do the same, I've never thought about it. Ending phonecalls isn't easy for anyone, sometimes my mother has to try it many times because the other person doesn't want to stop talking. You can also use white lies, sometimes when I'm at the cellphone I say "well, I'm running out of credits/battery, see you later", or if its close to dinner time you can say "sorry, the dinner is ready, I've got to leave, see you soon" or maybe "I've got another phonecall" or "Someone arrived, I have to hang up ".
Also if you invite someone to your home and you don't want he/she to stay until night you can tell him you have something to do at 6pm for example, you have to say it while you are inviting him, not at 5:58 pm, so he/she won't feel kicked.



northbrbrain
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26 Jan 2012, 1:43 pm

Doubutsu wrote:
I don't know what "making convo" is.


Making convo = making conversation



ECJ
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26 Jan 2012, 3:44 pm

Yes, I'm really bad at ending conversations, especially on the phone and on Skype.



felinesaresuperior
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26 Jan 2012, 3:45 pm

i have the same problem. i saw a woman i know with her golden retriever today and crossed the road toward her just so i can pat jessica, the dog. i wanted to pat her and scratch her ears for half an hour, and i tend to do that when the owner isn't around. but i gave the dog a few pats on the head and walked away because i was worried i might be disturbing the woman, whose name i don't know, from going on with her walk.
i don't know when to end a conversation, either. i'm afraid if i end it i'll hurt the other person's feeling and feel guilty, and guilt really eats me up sometimes. but i also worried if i continue the conversation i'll be a bore and a burden to that person.
nts don't have this problem because they can sense what the other person is thinking and feeling from their body language and expressions, and read between the lines in what they're saying, and their tone of voice... etc...
also, sometimes it appears nts understand each other in some mysterious way, almost like mind reading.



Tequila
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26 Jan 2012, 3:46 pm

Just say something like "I really must be going" or something along those lines. Have you tried Googling for tips?



Frankie_J
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26 Jan 2012, 9:50 pm

For me, whether it's a meeting with someone about something in particular or a telephone conversation... I tend to think up a rough 'script' of what I want to say in my head beforehand and stick to it (If I remember it!) I've planned out what I'd tell employers if they ring me up to tell me my application for a job I applied for has been declined. Basically, my mental script is:
"Okay, well, thank you for letting me know anyway. May I ask why I was unsuccessful just so I have some feedback?" *they tell me* "Yeah, okay. I see what you mean. It's always worth asking. Thank you. Bye bye."

I think I just pick up on what bs people say and use it myself... like "Thank you. Speak to you soon" and any other cliché crap. Remember this world operates on bs everywhere you go.

If I want to end a conversation I'd probably say I have something to attend to. I'd start this off with the wonderful word "Anyway..." This normally makes the other person think they're delaying you and they'll mostly likely let you go. 'Anyway' is a good word to reverse a chat from one person's power to the other's. Example:

Person: .... So, yeah, blahblahlblahblahblah. Ahahaha.
You: [Indulge in their last comment with a reaction] Aahahaha, yeah. Well, anyway, I need to get back home. [Or whatever you need to do that day. If you just need to get out of the conversation, lay it on a bit] I'm expecting a delivery some time this afternoon.
Person: Ah, right. Don't let me keep you. I'll see you soon. Take care!
You: You too! Seeya later.

I dunno. I think, from my own experience, I just observe what ways other people use and try them myself.



169Kitty
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27 Jan 2012, 12:07 am

it's hard for me. Some people I know well have figured out ways to cut me off, but in a nice way. Sometimes I get it and sometimes I don't. Ending conversations on the phone is the worst. I don't call someone just to talk, there is a purpose behind it.


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Guineapigged
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27 Jan 2012, 3:06 am

I find it difficult to end conversations. If it's a group situation, or just general chit-chat, I tend to just walk away and not say anything at all.
The worst kind of conversation to end is when somebody is trying to have a heart-to-heart with me but I'm just not interested, or they want me to comfort them and I don't know how. I know it would be incredibly rude to just leave (including IM online) but I don't know what to say to get myself out of that situation.



auntblabby
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27 Jan 2012, 3:16 am

this all reminds me of that classic old farside cartoon about how these party hosts have to lie down and play dead before the final straggling guests get the hint and move on. :oops: i have a marked tendency to be the thing that will not leave.



kaiouti
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27 Jan 2012, 3:56 am

I remember a while ago visiting an old friends, we ended up playing Halo and Friends and Family were coming and going here and there, I
wasnt sure about my Friends plans and whether he minded I was over for too long or not, It felt very uncomfortable when I just wanted to leave but
was unsure when was the best cue to leave, like..... after the games or what, you know?



northbrbrain
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27 Jan 2012, 3:32 pm

Tequila wrote:
Just say something like "I really must be going" or something along those lines. Have you tried Googling for tips?


This thread has been very helpful....so many creative exits i hadn't thought of



dianthus
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27 Jan 2012, 4:09 pm

I usually know what to say to end a conversation. I just can't figure out when to say it. If the other person pauses at all, it doesn't last long enough. I'm too slow.