I'm naturally very quiet but people want me to speak

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I think this is the biggest cause for all the uncomfortable feelings I have around people, the need to speak/talk to them.
I really can't enjoy small talk, but most social interactions are about just small talking. I can't come up with something that sounds interesting discussing with people, because most of them don't share the same interests as me. So I could only talk about the weather, or maybe asking about their lives, which honestly I don't care bacause I already have a lot of problems on my own life.
Maybe if we shared similar life experiences and could share thoughts about them, but in most situations this is not the case.

When I force myself to speak it is so draining, because I have to make so much effort to do it, that I feel very tired after and even during the situation, mentally speaking of course.

So this is it. My natural self is quiet, like totally introvert, I guess it's mostly because most people are so different than me that I can't connect with them and so I don't have a natural wish to talk to them.
If I'm speaking more than a couple sentences to someone, I'm surely making this effort to looks normal and I'm feeling very tense and wanting to go away from that situation as soon as possible.

Can anyone else relate to this? Have some thoughts to share?

It's very hard to be an introvert in Brazil; the culture of Brazil is outgoing and demonstrative.

I feel for you.

I can completely relate to this.

This is why I restrict myself to interests that are structured - a class or course, where the focus is on the content of what you are doing and you can just discuss that. If someone starts asking about me or trying to make smalltalk, I reply shortly and redirect conversation back to the interest at hand. Something that isn't talking focused - either action, or listening.

I think that "small talk" is the conversational equivalent of testing and warm-up laps at a racetrack. People want some recent practice to see how the rest of the field is doing that day before getting into the serious stuff.

This is very stressful.

It's difficult, when already dealing with the overwhelming sensory input of autism, to spare extra focus on other humans and their attitudes and body language, much less try to read their minds and intuit what they might be interested in talking about. It's just too much for the overworked autistic brain to juggle at once.

Therefore, when faced with the presence of strangers, it's not unusual to just "flatline," and find that your mind is a total blank and you have absolutely nothing to say. Of course, talking about a personal obsessive interest is always an option, because A) the subject fascinates you and helps focus your attention, and B) because its one of your favorite subjects, it's easy to go on autopilot and just recite favorite facts about something you already know by heart.

It's just difficult for an autistic person to make "instant friends" - it can happen, especially if you run into someone who shares an obsessive interest (often those friends will turn out to be spectrumites, too), but it's rare. Usually, it just takes time, and repeated exposure to the same individual (s), for us to gradually break through the wall of ice and get to know someone.

Ironically, I have found that repeated exposure to the same group of NTs will lead them to THINK they know me, because they know my face and my name, but they never realize that even after months or years of SEEING me day after week, none of them has ever spoken to me long enough to have any clue who I really am, other than "that quiet guy." Or "You're the artist" because they've observed me sitting in the corner, drawing and reading.

I can relate. Small talk is the main reason I watch some of the popular tv shows/movies that hold no interest to me, and read some popular books that hold no interest to me, and check what's current for cute/funny animal stuff on youtube. If you're stuck having to make smalltalk, and you're reasonably versed in those things, it's possible. Most people don't talk about the weather unless they run out of other things to talk about or there's a natural disaster/storm.

The odd thing is that even if you never talk about yourself, but just prompt people to talk about themselves, they will feel that they know you better. Maybe by what you didn't object to.

Yeah that's what I mostly do, ask people about their lives. But the point is that it's natural, and it makes me feel so tired.
I avoid a lot of social situations because I know how tired I'll feel after that. Because my natural self just wouldn't speak anything in most of the time. But the way NTs interact is: the more you talk, the better is the interaction. So there's a lot of things going on. I know that if I don't speak, it will make some people notice me as too quiet, and will judge me negatively.
I tried making friendships in school and later I found out that those people who were pretending to be my friend were calling me boring by my backs.

Trying to talk/interact in the way that NTs do is just so draining.

I was very quiet as a teenager, I talk some too, but people never told me to talk more.

yeah i can relate to that.

do not know if i am "naturally very quiet", though. quite frankly, i would rather talk more than i do now. but in the past, ret*d precious lil "people" (no ableism intended) had the nerve to tell me off. they made fun of what i said. they acted personally offended that i said something they found "disrespectful", "rude", or "mean". but in reality their egos are so big, that they label anything they do not like as "disrespectful".

thus, effectively, giving themselves a trump card. to veto anything i say or do, just b/c they do not like it.

and a lot of times i said something that wasn't meant to be funny and they laughed.

and then sometimes i said something, trying to make smalltalk, and they answered "none of your business!". but then precious lil "people" have the nerve to ask me questions like "are you a girl or a boy?". which sounded, to me, much more personal than what i asked them.

but of course that is just my opinion. not a law. and what if it were a law, then what? take a videotape and tattle to 911? take out a civil lawsuit and hire a lawyer for 500 dollars an hour?

seriously there is seriously something wrong with everything that i might have done.

it just seems like the energy required to talk is not worth it.

cost benefit analysis

and then when i do not talk as much as they want me to talk, they act like i am curt or rude. or so aloof that i can't deign to talk to lowlives like them.

then when i talk, they act like "you talk too much". and they don't pay attention.

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seriously

People ignore a great deal. My main pen-pal for ten years, with an average of 2 or 3 emails per day got a message from me announcing the best news I'd had in years, resolving a life-threatening situation. He ignored that part, and replied to something else. So, I wrote it again in my next reply, bigger and highlighted. He missed it again, but replied to another point. After a third time, with every font enhancement he hadn't called rude before was ignored, I decided to write a diary instead.

People ignore a great deal. My main pen-pal for ten years, with an average of 2 or 3 emails per day got a message from me announcing the best news I'd had in years, resolving a life-threatening situation. He ignored that part, and replied to something else. So, I wrote it again in my next reply, bigger and highlighted. He missed it again, but replied to another point. After a third time, with every font enhancement he hadn't called rude before was ignored, I decided to write a diary instead.
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yeah, i have kept a journal for a long time. since around 12th grade. and i am 34 now. keep it daily. before that, only kept it once in a while. keeping a journal is cathartic. some things i do not want to tell anyone. b/c nobody will listen, care, or believe me. and it's easier keeping it in writing, b/c then they do not have to grunt "huh" and "what". and then you have a written record. and sometimes they do not want to hear it, so if you tell them, then they are doing you a personal favor. which they might later expect you to return. seriously. and besides, precious lil "people" have a lot of strong, subconscious, unjustified biases. yo might think you know how someone will respond to something, but unless you are psychic and telepathic, you do not know. at least not as well as you think you know.

when i was a freshman in college, a girl in the same apartment as me had the nerve to gossip to her roommate "what's with all that writing?". and. as usual, i heard them. and i did not say anything. maybe i should have said something. but then they would've just gosspipped about me outside of earshot.

seriously how does it affect them that i keep a journal?

how about i ask them what's with all that talking?

neurotypical extroverts sometimes make me wanna puke

yeah the thing is if they ignore something you do not know if they received it or they just did not respond.

and besides, depending on what you wrote him, it might've been the most socially adept thing to ignore your e-mail.

and there ain't no law that said that he had to answer your e-mail.

social interactions are hard in that way. laws do not govern social interactions the way that laws govern school and work.

but whatever.

after fifth grade, i wrote letters to former classmates. they kept it up for a couple weeks and then stopped. and i got angry. but of course i was just 11 years old back then.

no way would i get angry now

there's no law that said they had to answer

and if there were a law, then what?

in elementary school it's easy to go around calling anyone a friend or best friend forever.

but you have to be practical and flexible and forgiving.

You just nailed it.

Now I'm wondering why small talking requires so much energy for us.

By small talk I mean any of those situations where you're talking to a person but you actually don't really need or want it. You're not asking about something you really wanna know or talking about something which you have a deep interest. Just talking for the sake of talking.
I find it pointless and draining.

You just nailed it.

Now I'm wondering why small talking requires so much energy for us.

By small talk I mean any of those situations where you're talking to a person but you actually don't really need or want it. You're not asking about something you really wanna know or talking about something which you have a deep interest. Just talking for the sake of talking.
I find it pointless and draining.
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b/c my thoughts are often conceptual, involve figuretive language. and i do not know how to phrase them so that i get it. and many times i do not know how to phrase it so that someone else understands. for example, over 10 years ago, i told someone at school, that i felt like i was watching performances. he asked if i was watching performances and i answered no.

no. okay he totally misunderstood me.

it was just so hard and is so hard to explain the slightest thing. and why bother?

what i was trying to say was that i felt dissociated and detached. like i ain't part of the world.

but so what i choose the wrong words. what if i were to have chosen the correct words, then what? he/they might not have understood. and what if they/he were to have understood, then what? what's so great about that? answer: nothing.

likewise, as an autistic, it's kind of hard to imagine a neurotypicals perspective. and any action or statement could get misconstrued as anything else. it takes too much energy to try to imagine all of the possible misunderstandings that someone, especially an NT, might make, in response to a statement or action from me.

besides, i ain't psychic or telepathic.

and besides, sometimes it just seems like everything is too trivial to talk about or too significant to talk about.

for example, precious lil "people" have had the nerve to tell me that i looked "dazed". that i looked at him "weird". that the salad i ate was "healthy". that the Butterfinger i ate was "not healthy".

seriously for extroverts it's like one action: one statement.

for every action i make, they make one statement.

sometimes extroverts make me wanna puke.

what is there to talk about anyways?

and then some things are too large to talk about. religion. politics. philosophy.

and i am willing to accept someone disagreeing me with things. especially since i am in a minority in a lot of different ways.

but, quite frankly, plenty of precious lil "people" are not willing to accept someone disagreeing with them on anything.

even professional counselors. it's like wtf?

and then they act like they are better than me.

numerous times they make plenty of wrongful assumptions. and it takes a lot of effort and time to try to guess their wrongful assumptions.

seriously they are not worth the energy it takes to interact with them.

i told a former licensed clinical social worker that i was surprised that my precious lil "dad" was coping with colon cancer so well.

the LCSW, in her typical condecending lil voice, had the nerve to ask me if there was a correct way to deal with colon cancer.

but that was not what i meant. what i meant was that my precious lil "dad" responded in (what i labelled as) overly theatrical methods, to the slightest thing. in the past. for example, when i told him that (i wrongly thought that) i left the graphing calculator at the SAT testing site, he told me "this test cost a lot of money." (rolls eyes). even though he made me take the SAT in 7th grade. okay. you know what costs a lot of money? all the psychotherapy that i now require, to get over all the academic pressure my precious lil "parents" put me though.

but whatever

and besides, so what if i do not know how to consider a neurotypical perspective. different neurotypicals have different perspectives.

and not very often has someone neurotypical correctly considered my perspective

not even and especially not professional counselors

sometimes extroverts and NTs make me wanna puke