Ever deliberately ignored non-verbal messages?

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This is a bit of a paradox that I found interesting, and observed in myself as a high-functioning autistic, and maybe others on the spectrum have too.

Since getting diagnosed several years ago and taking steps to improve my interactions with others, things have gotten better slowly but surely, but I caught myself ignoring non-verbal cues i.e. negative non-verbal cues...either because

a) it was too painful to acknowledge, and accept that I'd upset someone, after dealing with years of rejection pre-diagnosis - I'd notice things like them looking down and speaking in a sombre voice when I'd try to speak in an upbeat manner, or turning slightly away from me, etc, etc., then I think "oh no, here we go again..."

b) the other person was being sarcastic or insulting with me, in a more subtle way, and I didn't want to give them the pleasure of knowing that I acknowledged their nonverbal message, so I played dumb - but of course this just perpetuated their perception of me as a weirdo who "didn't get it..."

You'd think that I'd be pleased to have developed better non-verbal cognition and intuition, because it feels like I've overcome an obstacle...but it actually made me more upset because it opened my eyes to unpleasant things. Thus inferring that I've still got struggles remaining.

I guess part of this ironic phenomenon is that NTs generally approach interactions in a more proactive way, so they don't trigger these subtle negative reactions. Whereas mine is largely reactive - there's some proactive interaction on my part, but seldom is it sustained. You could say that I've been making progress, though, if I've at least recognized the subtle signs that I've been annoying somebody, even if I can't pinpoint exactly how and when. But the sad, apparent reality is that we have to get it 99% right, there's no partial credit in going from a totally clueless state to a "recognize the signs after-the-fact" stage.

Yes. When my wife's sisters flirt with me, 'accidentally' flash me, or brush or bump up against me, I try to ignore it.

Everyone, NT and non, occasionally ignores implied messages from other people, especially when the other person is being a jerk or trying to elicit a reaction from you.

Evidence please. Photos? Please?

Get your own.

I have an odd reaction when people's emotions are too overwhelming. I might actually laugh and think people being unreasonable. I just can't deal with anger being projected onto me or around me.
Sometimes I call people over emotional, then run.

I've ignore some body language like if someone flirts or even just wants to chat and I'm not up for it.

I disregard a lot of non-verbal stuff simply because I don't know how to interpret it. I notice it, but I don't know what it means. I tend to assume it has nothing to do with me.

If I notice something that makes me uncomfortable, I don't exactly ignore it. I just sort of recoil from it. Like if I see someone out of the corner of my eye approaching me like they are going to talk to me, and I don't want to talk to them, I will turn away from them.

The same thing happens to me...there are subtle non-verbal signs from the other person that show they are displeased/put off/want to keep their distance, etc. It is quite upsetting, and knowing these non-verbal signals and what they mean can stymie any concentration. (When i was younger, i was oblivious and didn't notice any 'signs' at all)

Reading books on body language, for instance have taught the general negative message that is conveyed by folding one's arms.........now i notice people fold their arms A LOT when i'm around them. I agree we have to get it 99% right - do it great nonverbally for the 1st minute then make one subtle misstep and it's all over

oh i thought you meant text messages. i guess not. i do ignore those. i miss non verbal ones. i probably see the signs but have no idea what they are. like seeing something in the corner of your eye and not noticing it for a while then having to decide if it is a shadow or a cat crossing your path.

Sometimes impulsiveness also count in. You have to tell something to someone, and you'd just plain ignore the non-verbal signs that would indicate they are not interested in you at the moment... You might be so much into your own world (your mind might be full of your own thoughts) that you just plain can't notice the signs that the other person is sad, having a headache, had a bad day, and so on.

Some non-verbal signs are ignored because you don't know what could be their cause. Is it an important thing? Is it in connection with you? Did you say something wrong? Not sure at the moment.

Sometimes people wouldn't tell you they have a problem with you, they resent something or something like that. They would pull faces even when they only don't understand what you're trying to say. My speech can be rather jumbled at times, especially with certain people who often make me feel anxious / embarrassed.

Yes, my first year away from home, living at college.
Girl started flirting with me. Kind of, well let's not beat around the bush, "Loose" looking female. Got more aggressive as I tried to take notes during the lecture. Did that leg brush thing under the table. EVEN *I* know this one. So I'm about to shutdown on myself. Half ignored/half froze in panic..
At the time, I was in love with someone in my home town, too.

Sincerely,
Matt
PS. I don't always ignore things, but this was TOO unexpected.

It's common for people to ignore what they do not wish to acknowledge. Let's say someone wants to have a birthday party. They want people to attend it, even if they don't really want to. It's because the person holding the party is concerned with having guests at the party so it will actually be a party. So if someone sounds indecisive about going, the person handing out the invitation coaxes the person to go by telling them it'll be fun or no one else is coming so someone must go, please help them out. It's the same sort of thing as deliberately ignoring social cues. The person hosting the party knows some people do not really want to go, but, they ignore that realization and pester the people who don't want to into going anyway.

Some times I do to force the person to verbalise what they're doing thus outing them as a dick. I do it more so when things are being implied. I've always had a problem with it an a lot of people (ass holes) imply rather than state so they can't be head to account. See: politions, bill o'reilly

some people have all the luck.

Having studied Non-Verbal Communications extensively for some years.....

On and Off.....

Sometimes when I'm carefully Focusing on "Tells" I can be almost Telepathic.....

But it takes a conscious decision to focus on it, and I can't always call that mood up.

Most of the time, I blandly unaware of non-verbal signals.

Sometimes I catch a brief Signal of Amazement, and often quite a bit of Outrage, even Anger; but don't think much of it at the time.....

Usually this was right after I totally missed a "Go ahead and initiate the Physical Stage of Seduction with me Signal..."

Which I thumbnail for future reference, because I'm too busy thinking about something else right then.....

Generally the Story I'm in the middle of telling, or the Abstract Point I'm pursuing.

I realize a few days or weeks later, as my friendship with some Nubile Fem starts to cool.

Seriously, no biggie!

I will determindly ignore anything that I perceive as an attempt at "Hinting".

Slaves and Genies may be Obligated to act on your wishes.....

But Both Children, Friends, and Employees Deserve to be Asked!

Years ago, my mother decided that me, my sister and her were going to Saturday classes at a local church, and study sign language.

At first, I thought the idea was cool. A couple of three weeks later, I got bored and wanted to quit--but she wouldn't let me.

At that point, I stubbornly dug in my heels, and tried as hard as possible to Not learn anything.

Shortly afterward, she told me and my sister that ifwe were in public, and she made the sign for "Shut-up"; we were to Shut-Up, or face dire consequences.

I was never much on Open Defiance.....

And a hard slap to the face--usually when I wasn't expecting it at that precise moment of time--and I never saw them coming--Really dragged my beat!

Nonetheless, though I hadn't the Vocabulary to express it then.....

I felt that AMSLAN was Not a valid medium for issuing commands; That a very important principle was involved; And I got my cheeks set ablaze several times, even got a paddling or two, before she gave up.

Saxon Violence

Last edited by SaxonViolence on 03 Feb 2012, 12:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I sometimes notice non-verbal cues but feel paralized to respond to them unless they are articulated verbally. Which they usually aren't.