"Contentment" not something you experience?

Post Reply New Topic

Is there anyone else here that is unable to feel or even imagine contentment?

I hear people talking about life being peaceful and easy and secure and emotionally stable ("not too high and not too low") as a goal and I hear that as boring and unstimulating and stagnant and numb.

Contentment is a horrible thought to me. I don't understand how someone could think an emotional state is "too high."

There are two states I feel that I would classify as close to contentment but they are actually depression (the feeling of being too tired to want anything other than to curl up in a blanket and sleep) and anticipatory euphoria (which is the lowest level of positive feeling I feel that isn't tinged and completely tainted by depression). Riding on a bus going somewhere I want to go is an example. The whole time I'm thinking "I'm on my way to the place I want to get to I'm on my way to the place I want to get to." If there's no "place I want to get to" or "thing I want more of" there's no good feeling at all. It can completely lack anxiety and be low-activity euphoria, like when (rarely) lying in the sun wanting more of lying in the sun and pretty certain I'm going to get it, but there is always a goal.

I experience very severe depression quite a bit of the time but when I am happy I am very very happy and don't have a care in the world. In this state I can drop a plate of food I'm about to eat and I'll think "not a problem! Let's see how we can salvage this!" cause there's always something bigger in my sight that's the point of life and it isn't this plate, it's usually a universal sense of absolute love and beauty that comes through music and people and certain other things and gives everything a purpose.

One care makes it depression. If I have one care I have every care in the world because I feel there is no sure love and beauty in the world and no absolute happiness to work toward. If I drop a plate of food then I'm likely to start crying because that plate is all I have to look forward to.

I feel like I could avoid these extremes by somehow making contentment a goal but the thought to me is synonymous with making depression a goal. Contentment sounds really pale and gloomy to me. I honestly don't think it is in my repertoire of feelings. Are some people just born unable to experience contentment and always need a sense of purpose? Or does this technically apply to everyone?

This one is a tough one. It's depth cannot be described. But I'll be brief because I don't want to preach.

I was born and raised an athiest. As time went on I embraced the stoicism of Marcus Aurelius and spiced it up with Emmanuel Kant. But as time continued, I kept feeling lonely, unfulfilled, and empty. These were feelings I came to despise.

Then, in my thirtieth year of existence, I found God and my Savior Jesus Christ, or rather, He found me. Life has been much easier ever since then.

Now, if you have any questions, you can always PM me.

Otherwise, that's all I'll say on the subject.

Longshanks

I just realized that the lying in the sun without a care in the world example might actually qualify as contentment. Is that feeling what people mean when they say they want it? In any case I find it very very hard to get to that state... I know few ways of achieving it, it's hard to just lie in the sun without thinking of what you lack and the time being wasted. It's exhausting, the never being able to relax and always feeling you lack something you want desperately.

I can kind of relate but I'm too tired to say much now...

I see. Much appreciated. That makes sense, it seems like religion provides you a feeling a security no matter what you go and no matter what you're doing. I do wonder how it answers boredom, but maybe boredom it a result of depression? Anyway interesting, I was pretty spiritual though not religious when I was little and I was rarely depressed then.

I'm not religious though. Sure, I go to church. But it's my faith that has made me feel as safe in battle as in bed, to quote Stonewall Jackson. I'll just be brief again, because I don't want to preach or come off as a "holy roller".

There is a God out there, who loves us and cares for us. He has also made us Aspies the way we are for what He feels are good reasons. In my case, it was to save lives. I am humbled by that thought. I am not that functional. I have it really bad. But when I am used by God, I have unlimited potential.

Concerning boredom - not easy. You have to train yourself, and you can do this with a little help, to be someone you're not. It's not easy - but it can be done. One of the keys is to learn how to socialize. You will fight with this all of your life. But it can be done.

Longshanks

Interesting. I tend to be the other way round. My emotions tend to be very level. Extremes such as euphoria or severe depression are very rare. In most cases the highest I get is 'happy' and the lowest is a sort of restlessness/boredom combined with the inability to actually start anything - I suppose that is mild depression. Most of the time I am neither happy or unhappy so I suppose you could call it contentment.

I think your feelings about lying in the sun qualify. I remember when I was little I wanted to see why the cats seemed to enjoy lying in a sunny spot on the floor so much. I tried it, and to this day if I have time I will lie down with them. Especially on soft carpet. Mmmmm. Good examples of my moments of contentment are:
On a rare day when I'm off work and off school and nobody is expecting anything from me to either curl up on the couch with a soft blanket, hot chocolate, a good book, and a warm cat or two; or to go out in the woods on a pretty day and just sit in the relative quiet or read. Moments of contentment are good. Continual complacency not so much.