Any advice on this?

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because of my aspergers i can be very repeptitive and i have tantrums


i am feeling really fustrated becasue my brother shouted at me a few minutes ago and said things too me like "Stop doing it" and "you made your dad scream his lungs out last night" and "your dad has a highly stressful job and life and its all your fault" and "you evil little s**t". he said it in a very agressive tone. my uncle also had a go at me as well and too me "you put your dad through a lot of stress"



any advice on what i can do? i fear that later on i will get into another argument with my brother. if my dad does have a heart attack i fear the consequences will be HORRIFIC. i am gravely concerned that my uncle and my brother will do something very nasty too me if my parents get ill as a consequence of my behaviour.

What exactly are you doing?

sometimes i can talk myself into a frenzy and sometimes i get into arguments with my parents over small things when they get back from work. i have mood disorder problems as well so it can make life difficult around the house.

i sometimes take my problems out on my parents which is not right

If you can't move out, which would probably be the best solution for all involved, think about this: They are blaming you for other people's excitement/anger/bad mood, but obviously none of them gives a s**t about your feelings.

To me this looks as though they are systematically abusing you as their scapegoat. Everybody is lashing out on you. No idea how you react when they do, but perhaps you should stand up against them and make clear you're not a door mat. If you can't do this, you might consider counseling to learn how to defend yourself against being verbally abused.

PTS too be fair though my dad does do a lot of nice things for me. and yeah i actually said too my brother earlier he was using me as a scapegoat esspecially when my bro said "your dad has a stressful job so its all your fault" WTF how does that make any sense?

Jamesy, it doesn't make any sense. Nor does calling you an "evil little s**t". Those things are abusive.

You have to realize that, even when a child misbehaves, there are some things that parents simply shouldn't do. This sort of verbal and emotional abuse--claiming that you're going to make your dad have a heart attack, claiming that you're evil or that your dad's behavior is excusable because he has a high stress job--is not the sort of thing that any parent should be doing.

I didn't understand this for a while when I was younger. I misbehaved, too, and had meltdowns, and was rude to my parents. My stepfather used to hit me and yell at me, and generally mistreat me; and it took me a while to realize that my misbehavior did not make it okay for him to abuse me. Even if the child is rebellious, even if they act out or yell, it's still abuse to call them evil, claim they're going to give their parents heart attacks, or blame everything that goes wrong in the family on them.

If it were me, I would just try to find a place of my own as soon as I could. This level of abuse--the sort that ends up in bruises and broken hearts, but no emergency room visits--isn't the sort where they would take you out of the home. Ideally, your family would be in counseling, your dad especially, learning how to manage his stress without taking it out on you; and they would be taught how to help you deal with your overloads and meltdowns without hurting anyone. But I don't know whether they would agree to that. My parents wouldn't have. They liked blaming things on me because it made them feel okay about themselves. People don't like to feel guilty.

What my stepdad often did, looking back on it, was to deliberately provoke a meltdown in me. He knew my triggers--knew I would cry if told I was a brat, or that I couldn't take having someone yell in my ear. And when I had that meltdown, he would mistreat me, and then say he couldn't help it because I was being so rebellious and badly behaved. When he was in a good mood, he used to be everybody's best friend, used to take us out to get hamburgers or teach us how to change the oil in a car; and then I didn't have meltdowns. And we figured that since he was such a nice guy sometimes, he couldn't really be abusive... could he?

I believed it for a good while. I thought that it was okay for him to do that because I wasn't a perfect child--that if, somehow, I could be the perfect child, he'd treat me well. But I was wrong. He wasn't a good father. What he did was wrong. That I did some things wrong myself doesn't change that. That he did some things right doesn't change that, either.

If you can't get your family into counseling, just try to stick it out--just take it one day at a time, endure what you can until you can get out of there. Remember that whatever they do or say, even when they get you crying and screaming and begging, your thoughts are still free--you are still yourself, and they can't touch that very center part of you, the part that dreams about the future and wants to do the right thing. When you get out of there, you'll need to get used to living in a world that's safe, where you're not always in danger of being yelled at and insulted; and you'll need to unlearn the things that they tried to teach you. But it can be done. I know; I did. It's been ten years for me, now, and I'm on my own, several states away, and living my own life. I survived; so can you.

Callista is absolutely right.

I've been abused in every way imaginable by my father and therefore know what i'm talking about.

Very often abusers blame the victims. Like "I had to beat you because you were provoking me." They deny their responsibility as parents, or in a marriage towards their wife. To blame the victim is a mean brainwashing and meant to intimidate them.

You are abused by your family members, period. There is no way to whitewash or rationalize their behavior. They do it for one simple reason, namely they can reckon to get away with it.

I've realized that it was not my guilt and responsibility when a therapist asked me whether my father would beat up other people too, like colleagues, other family members, or other drivers if he felt provoked by them. The answer was no. That is, he was very well able to control his aggressive impulses. When i realized this simple fact, everything changed for me since i began to understand that it was not my responsibility.

If there's a way, move out asap. Don't let anybody abuse you like that. It's not your fault, and they're wrong, not you.