What are your thoughts on "nit-picking"?

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As an Aspie, I've been on both the giving and receiving end of nit-picking, but more frequently it's been the latter.

Some of the reports and diagnostic info on Aspergers says they tend to be very pedantic or overly concerned with details that they should otherwise filter out - that's been true for me in the past, but has sharply declined since. I'll never forget one experience I had in my last year of high school, the math teacher wrote out a fraction, as part of a calculation, which read: "6/10" and I told him "shouldn't that say "3/5"?? Which prompted chuckles from the room, and the teacher responding "yes, if you like, either way is fine."

In my working life, I've been subject to nit-picking by office bullies (2 of them at different jobs, both women), who would pick on the most minute details, e.g. when leading a review of one of my documents, I'd used the word "diminished" when she insisted on "declined" - both would have worked in that context. Then she complained to me that we were running out of time, and I had to speed it up!! Almost makes you wonder if the whole thing was contrived just to rattle me.

I think the key difference between Aspie nit-picking and the kind you get from bullies, is that the Aspie is genuinely concerned about some perceived imperfection - whereas the bully just concocts things on the spot to cut you down. Their nit-picking has no grounds for the most part, it is either arbitrary or exaggerated. The thing I've noticed about these sort of bullies is that they tend not to prefer an audience, probably b/c others would see how pedantic and outrageous it is, unless the bully is a really good manipulator. Most of the nit-picking I've received is one-on-one. However, in a minority of cases, I've found that it's not bullying, it can be related to some appearance mistake such as, my socks are pulled up too high when I'm wearing shorts, or one of my collar lapels is bent - my wife picks on these and I'm in a hurry, I miss those things, so while it might seem like nit-picking it actually has a positive intent behind it.

So, honestly (as honest as an Aspie can be!! ) have you been more on the receiving or giving side of nit-picking??

I think it shouldn't have a hyphen in it.

Both, really.

I've been trying like h*ll not to correct people when they are flat-out wrong (because as a girl, it's socially unacceptable to be smarter/more knowledgeable then everyone else) or to do it more gently, but it bothers the crap out of me; I almost *have to* correct them, or I'll be upset for quite a while.

As for receiving, I usually ignore it, because the people doing it don't normally have half a clue what they are talking about, but it does happen a lot, like what you said with questioning word choice. I'll often say something like "My word works just as well as yours, it's a matter of preference, and I wrote this, this is my preference. If you would like that particular word changed, feel free to do so, however it will only create more work in the long run. I cannot read your mind ahead of time to know what specific words you would prefer I use, so in the future, if you would like to see something specific, please let me know and I will do my best to make sure I do so" (said, of course, very nicely ^_^ )

That's a problem with me too, I must always contain myself from pointing out small mistakes all the time, although if I notice something especially egregious, then I just go ahead. If I'm working in a team project I share part of the responsability though, they better put up with me. The sad thing is, if I get a detail right then it's smooth sailing and nobody notices, but if I get it wrong it draws the eye .

And if someone nitpicks on me... it depends on the intent. My sister's favorite way to annoy me is watching me do stuff, and pointing out at every mistake she can find. But sometimes I want someone to tell me every single mistake they can find about something I've done, and then the more the merrier, as long as they are actual mistakes.

I tend to nit pick when I see something wrong. Especially when someone says one thing and then another I go "I thought you said..." or "hey you said..." I even got into an argument with my husband over it yesterday because my mother contradicted herself so I pointed it out to my husband and we both got into a fight about it. Plus on fanfiction, someone told me she is not a history buff and it's just a fanfiction because I pointed out some errors. I also will sometimes make jokes about an error so I am not sounding all critical. But yes sometimes people will get defensive about it and I used to deal with it a lot as a kid and from my ex. I think it's less now because we are all adults now and I have less contact with people.

In general this distinction describes a lot of the differences between AS behavior and deliberate rudeness.