did your parents force you to make friends?

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Kitty4670
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21 Nov 2014, 2:16 am

nick007 wrote:
My mom believes parents should be parents instead of friends.


I was an adult.



Skilpadde
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21 Nov 2014, 2:36 am

nick007 wrote:
Skilpadde wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
My mom never forced me to make friends. But we did hang out alot, I LOVED that, she became my friend. ❤️


Exactly the same holds true for me.
My mom believes parents should be parents instead of friends.

I'm glad my mom has more sense and understood one didn't exclude the other


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21 Nov 2014, 3:46 am

No and if they had there is no doubt I'd be even more mentally screwed up than I already am....especially using those sort of tactics, don't think I'd have any sort of control over my anxiety considering I'd have probably experienced even more bullying trying to interact with kids from school outside of school, as is I endured enough of that at school.


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21 Nov 2014, 3:52 am

My mother did for some time but it never worked so in the end she just hung out with me.


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21 Nov 2014, 4:03 am

I was fortunate to always have a couple of close friends that shared my special interests.

At Christmas time though my stepfather, who didn't like my presence in the house, would tell me to go around my friends house.
I deemed Christmas a family event that my friends families wouldn't appreciate my intrusion upon, when I told stepfather they would be with their families his reply was "so go and make some new friends".

And so would spend Christmas freezing cold and alone wandering the empty streets until it was evening and I could return home.

I hate Christmas.



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21 Nov 2014, 4:47 am

At some point my mom had; because she has quite number of friends that are parents of my classmates... (Up to now I'm graduating at college, she still hangs out and friends with parents she met as early as when I was kinder, and some as 'late' as when I was at 5th grade. Funny enough, she introduces those parents she befriended along with the other parents that are befriended by her in another time/year(s).)
Until she figured that I just couldn't, and it simply stresses me more and I had enough. Since then, she never forced me. She only forces or trying to encourage me to participate events. (And the funniest of all, that my NT sister wants to be present in most events; my mom sometimes won't approve. While I'm not willing most at the time, she pesters me to go.)


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21 Nov 2014, 10:26 am

My parents never asked me to make friends. They told me to go out to play a lot, because that's what kids did. So I went out but didn't play with other kids. That's just fine. They didn't really care what I was doing. I got my first friend at age 6. I went through a personality change at 8 and always had enough friends after that.

The weird thing is I always thought I'm introverted, because I keep comparing to my mom. She can make friends with anyone who's able to communicate, and just about anywhere, including those who hardly speak her languages. Her enthusiasm about people is sometimes almost hilarious to watch. Only in recent years I started to realize how much my aspie dad (and my whole family) has benefited from her social connections. It really is a talent and a gift. I know I'll never have such a talent, but at least I understand and appreciate such people better now.


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21 Nov 2014, 12:13 pm

My mom signed me up for every activity and group under the sun. I danced, I did gymnastics, I was a scout, church (Sunday school AND choir), music lessons, several different sports... I even remember briefly being a costumed colonial actor.
In her defense, this was before autism was widely known. She thought she could socialize the weird out of me. She was wrong.



nick007
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21 Nov 2014, 12:18 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
My mom believes parents should be parents instead of friends.


I was an adult.
She believed that when I was a kid & still does now that I am an adult.


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Kitty4670
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21 Nov 2014, 1:39 pm

nick007 wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
My mom believes parents should be parents instead of friends.


I was an adult.
She believed that when I was a kid & still does now that I am an adult.



That is true! Parents should be parents, but they can be your friends too. Parent first, friend second.

I LOVED that I hung out with my mom, one of my best memories is going shopping with her. ❤️😜

But my sister wants to be a friend to her son. I have enough problems with her already, I so wish I can move out again.



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21 Nov 2014, 1:46 pm

I remember being yelled at for not having friends - although I did have a few friends at times in my childhood. I was also yelled at for talking to myself and being generally nervous and clumsy. That sure helped a lot. When I would report to my mother that I was being bullied and tormented at school - she would just smirk and say that it is only because they know they are bothering me. Of course this was way back in the dark ages of the mid 60's. But I don't recall any adult figures trying to help me at all during the saddest period of my life.


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