Ignoring People

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Do you often ignore people when you don't wish to communicate/hang out/whatever? Rather than just make up some white lie or something about why you don't want to hang out/cant talk for long, etc.?

It happens to me - very often. The length of time I will ignore them ranges from a few hours, to years, to permanently. Even with friends. (Actually, now that I think about it, it's usually with friends). I don't really know why I do it, and I don't really want to do it to them, I don't feel good about it, but I do it anyway, bit by bit, until I've not spoken with someone for years.

Yes, I go into isolation mode.

I don't really have any friends, but there are a small group of people that occasionally invite me and my wife to a gathering.

I don't contact them unless they contact me and I think after my recent display of complete disinterest at such a gathering, they may now be ignoring me, which is actually a relief.

I've started ignoring, or being very abrupt, with people I encounter outside the house.

Sometimes I haven't spoken with them for a couple of years and they behave as if we are in regular contact.

Happened recently.
- I managed a 'hello'
- But I ignored the rhetorical, redundant follow up, by pretending I was checking a message on my phone

YES. This happens to me all the time. If they call me, I won't answer; if they email me, I won't respond. I tend to do this in other instances where I don't know how to respond to someone; it gets me in trouble at work sometimes.

Yes! So coincidental this has come up. I just deleted an email from a friend I haven't spoken to in months without reading it. Just in case she wanted to rekindle the friendship or something. I feel like I couldn't deal with the stress of a friendship I think... So I pushed it away.

It always makes me feel guilty doing this behaviour, because I would feel bad if someone did it to me (actually other people have done it to me, when I thought we were friends, and it felt bad). For some reason I can't help doing it too.

One friend I did this to last year got really upset at me and kept txting me, emailing me, constantly. Even though I could see she wanted to be friends and was getting hurt by my actions I still kept ignoring! It's like once the decision is made that's it. Don't want to change the plan. I regret it now, and I often think I wish I hadn't done that. She was really cool.

It makes me feel sad too I wish I could just enjoy having friends and socialising.

I relate with all that, definately. I've been known to just drop communication with no warning and no explanation, and even just ... vanish (i.e. no forwarding address sort of thing)

Yes, I 100% relate to that. I feel guilty about doing it but it's almost like I cant help it.

When I'm absorbed in something else, whether it's my own thoughts, a book, study or writing, I'll ignore people or be abrupt with them. I can't switch my focus.

Yes, this is a bad habit I have. I am a solitary person, so I have no friends, but I will say hello to the neighbors and sometimes talk to people in stores when I do have to go out, but I don't want anything more involved in a relationship. Several decades ago, I went away on a holiday weekend to a big park. I spent several days hiking in that park, while staying at a nearby motel. I had a really good time, and met a couple of nice older ladies while there. They were there each day I was, so we hung out together and talked a good bit. Some time later I received post cards from them, and they wanted to keep up the contact, but I never followed through. I am just not into maintaining a relationship of any kind. It's all I can do to keep up family relationships. My parents have a summer home not far from me, but they spend winters down in Florida. My father tries to call every week when they are down south. I don't have long distance service, so I can't call him when they are away. Due to health problems, it's hard for me to get to the phone in time to pick it up before the answer machine. This past winter I didn't even try because I haven't felt up to dealing with people for months now. I am not any more depressed than usual, so that's not it. I am just really, really, really not in a social mood. I have sent him emails about once a week, to compensate for not answering his calls, but I seem to be in a very non social mood right now. I am not anti social, just non social. I have gone through this before, but this time this phase is lasting longer and is stronger than previous times. I have been a hermit type most of my life, and now I seem to be getting more so. I am sorry I am pushing away my family so much, but any thing more than the casual type of contact like saying hello to a neighbor seems to have gotten to be more stressful, and uncomfortable for me. Unfortunately my parents are back north now, for the summer, and my father has already been over here several times to visit (check on me). I don't really have a say in the matter. My parents own the trailer that I am renting, so they can come over whenever they want, as often as they want. On the plus side, they have many activities of their own that keep them pretty busy much of the time. Every time they or anyone else comes over, I can't wait until they are gone. It's not dislike, it's discomfort and stress on my part. In the immortal words of Greta Garbo, "I vant to be alone."

This. Maintaining relationships is really hard. Starting them isn't easy but it's not as hard as maintaining them. The thing with me is ... I go in and out of wanting social contact. When I'm in, I might meet some people ... but then there's that obligation when I'm out. And I'm not talking about a passing mood from day to day, but more of a general pattern over months. It applies to the Internet too. As I said to someone who greeted me when I started posting here, I may just disappear one day.

I don't know what happens to the people I've vanished on, but I would feel confused and hurt. So I've taken lately to being explicit about this, at least online, in case it happens.

Yes. I think I do it because I find people hard to understand, and in the past have been hurt lots by people. So, if I ignore people/friends and stop the relationship, then I can't get hurt or make any errors again.
I find the times I don't want to communicate are the times I'm most stressed and my emotions are unmanagable.

I instinctively avoid social contact, which is a fairly disabling quality to have. An ex-colleague of mine invited me out to the pub about two years ago, to talk about some things. I spent a really enjoyable evening talking with him about various things. Since then I have made no attempt to maintain the contact despite the fact that I would have a nice time going for another drink. I'm afraid of the demands of having friends and of losing control over my time if people can just call me up and invite me out.

On the other hand I have a friend in another country who I suspect strongly is on the spectrum. I always go to see him when I am there (ie every two years or so) and it turns out each time that his last social contact was me on my last visit . I sent him my email address so that we could stay in contact but he didn't reply. His mother told me how much he values my visits .

Last edited by Halligeninseln on 10 May 2012, 9:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

I do this all the time. And i don't give a f**k. I do this usually with people who try to change me - if they don't like me, they can go to hell. For me they don't exist. Is that simple When i did otherwise, they just laughed in my face and played 'smart' with me. So no, i'm not tolerant anymore. I can be tolerant with people who can tolerate me, not trying to make a marionette of me - like i'm a fool and i can't think for myself. True friendships don't work that way.

On the other hand, people make me feel really tired because all the time i should carry a 'mask'.

I really enjoyed reading this post which resonated very strongly with me

Sometimes, I've been known to ignore phone calls when I don't feel like talking to friends. I try not to make it a habit though just so they don't think I'm mad at them.

if ignoring people was an olympic sport, i'd be a gold medallist!
most of the time it's just easier that way

I do this too. I guess I'm just not prepared enough to handle the situation. I usually never answer when my mobile rings.

At work too I have trouble answering the phone, so I just tend to ignore it. Even when people come up to me and say: Hey, you
gotta pick up the phone!" I just mumble and continue in what I'm doing. It's kind of embarrasing too, but I don't really know what
to do, even though I KNOW what to do. Hard to explain, yes. I just want to shrink into a giant hole and dissappear sometimes.