Advantages & Disadvantages of getting formally diagnosed

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Ebi
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02 Mar 2005, 11:06 am

Eva wrote:
I am so upset. I think if I were a child, I would want an answer, I would want to know what I was facing. Now that I'm too old for a dx to make a difference, I don't care, but when I was a child, I would have wanted to know. I did want to know what was wrong with me and everyone else.


I could say all of us who are in our 20s and 30s and didn't know anything of AS until recently can sympathize with what you say here. I for one will never know how much of a difference would have been made if the psychology world were aware of AS when I was a kid and there were the wealth of information on the subject that is available today. But it wasn't. Our generation became pretty much the guinea pigs that led to today's knowledge and awareness of AS, which makes me sort of jealous of today's kids that can be DX'ed early and therefore getting proper guidance in order for them to live a fullfilling (or at least less frustrating) life.

But as they say, there's no use crying over spilled milk - all we can do about it is write it off and go on trying to improve our lives from this point off.


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1PeaceMaker
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02 Mar 2005, 2:58 pm

Eva wrote:
I am so upset. I think if I were a child, I would want an answer, I would want to know what I was facing. Now that I'm too old for a dx to make a difference, I don't care, but when I was a child, I would have wanted to know. I did want to know what was wrong with me and everyone else.

I would have wanted to know, but I know that have a dx would mean my parental rights being threatened by other's prejudace. I just hate that. So I feel like I am hiding behind my NT husband from the world. I feel targeted, threatened, and all this for just being me!

Quote:
I just talked to a friend who has an AS son and my son told him that, "hey, I'm an Aspie also." and the kid didn't know. The child is 9 years old, almost 10, and very typically symptomatic. I feel so awful for that poor kid... finding out like that.

I feel bad for you. Did you know that it was being kept from him? If you didn't, what could you have possibly done differently?
Quote:
I feel bad for my son, because now he has guilt. I feel awful because I openned by big, fat stupid mouth yet again

Don't insult yourself. I know, I have done too much of that myself, but don't beat yourself up the way NTs have trained you to. God knows why this happened, and you probably did the kid a favor.

Quote:
I just think it's terrible that they haven't told him. I feel bad thinking that. We all have to do what we think is right, but I longed to know why I didn't do anything like anyone else when I was a kid.
I know what you mean. I do!

I can't decide if I should run and hide, or stand and fight their NT prejudace.

Sometimes I even feel I am discriminated against in my own home. I just want to educate those in my inner circle, and also hopefully those in the larger one.

Any advice would be apreciated!



1PeaceMaker
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02 Mar 2005, 3:08 pm

Ebi wrote:
I could say all of us who are in our 20s and 30s and didn't know anything of AS until recently can sympathize with what you say here. I for one will never know how much of a difference would have been made if the psychology world were aware of AS when I was a kid and there were the wealth of information on the subject that is available today. But it wasn't. Our generation became pretty much the guinea pigs that led to today's knowledge and awareness of AS, which makes me sort of jealous of today's kids that can be DX'ed early and therefore getting proper guidance in order for them to live a fullfilling (or at least less frustrating) life.


I don't think kids are better off yet. We are still being discriminated against. Aspie younsters are now being "helped" in terrible ways. And the people doing this have the money, the media, and the sympathy. This must change, and soon!!

Please, don't let them think they are helping us with their ugly attitude. we are in no way helpless without their intervention.



1PeaceMaker
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02 Mar 2005, 3:11 pm

axelkat wrote:
being an aspie is a large part of who iam, i do not understand why we should be ashamed of it. Without the diagnosis i would feel like i was not entirely myself. As far as jews with stars and what not, there is somebody you should study up on: Martin Luther King Jr.
A


Ashamed, I am not. But I aint kiddin myself, either. The world isn't a friendly place for us, yet. Soon, I hope, but not just yet.



axelkat
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02 Mar 2005, 5:35 pm

i just think that it aint gonna get friendlier on its own.
A


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1PeaceMaker
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03 Mar 2005, 2:07 pm

axelkat wrote:
i just think that it aint gonna get friendlier on its own.
A
True, I suppose.

What do you suggest?



Ebi
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03 Mar 2005, 2:41 pm

1PeaceMaker wrote:
What do you suggest?


Well, these guys were up to something, to say the least, pretty interesting: To found the Republic of Aspergia.

Pipe dream, yes, but hey. :D


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axelkat
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03 Mar 2005, 3:15 pm

are our civil rights being violated here? yes. We need to let NTs know that we speak for ourselves. I think that the ALF has a good idea. Get the word out that we wont be crapped upon. If ya get turned or fired from a job, ya gotta take it to the mattresses. If King or X hadn't spoken up, the blacks would not be able to eat with us and they would have their own water fountains labeled 'colored'. If we don't speak up then we sending them a message that we need to be cured. Society looks down their noses at us and i won't go through life drinking from that fountain labeled 'Autistic'(metaphorically speaking).
A


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Bec
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03 Mar 2005, 7:20 pm

I like having an official diagnosis. It helps me for school. Without it, I would not be able to be on a 504 Plan. This advantage would not help adults with AS though. The rest of the advantages may apply to some adults.

Without my diagnosis, I don't think I would be able to say that I have AS. It would always be that I probably have AS. I would hate not knowing for certain. I would constantly be questioning myself. Do I really have AS, or is there just something wrong with me?

Before getting my diagnosis, the only people who knew that I probably had AS were my parents, my aunt, and me. None of my friends knew until after. Without a diagnosis, I don't think I would be willing to tell anyone else that I have it. It's difficult to tell someone about something you may not even have.

The day my mum realised I have AS, was the day my life became less bewildering. The day I got my diagnosis, was the day my life became crystal clear.



Bec
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03 Mar 2005, 7:42 pm

1PeaceMaker wrote:
I would have wanted to know, but I know that have a dx would mean my parental rights being threatened by other's prejudace.


Just out of curiosity, 1PeaceMaker, what parental rights would be threatened? What could people do to you?

1PeaceMaker wrote:
The world isn't a friendly place for us, yet.

1PeaceMaker wrote:
We are still being discriminated against.


What? The world isn't a very friendly place for anyone. Most of the people I know, are totally accepting of AS. The people who don't understand you probably have no idea what AS is! So where is this discrimination, you speak of, coming from?

1PeaceMaker wrote:
Don't insult yourself. I know, I have done too much of that myself, but don't beat yourself up the way NTs have trained you to. God knows why this happened, and you probably did the kid a favor.


I disagree. If parents want to keep information from their child, especially when that child is young, their choice should be respected. This has nothing to do with NTs training anybody, it has to do with common courtesy.



Jetson
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04 Mar 2005, 12:12 am

Bec wrote:
1PeaceMaker wrote:
Don't insult yourself. I know, I have done too much of that myself, but don't beat yourself up the way NTs have trained you to. God knows why this happened, and you probably did the kid a favor.
I disagree. If parents want to keep information from their child, especially when that child is young, their choice should be respected. This has nothing to do with NTs training anybody, it has to do with common courtesy.

There's a lot to be said for allowing parents to raise their own children. At the same time, I can say from personal experience that kids will learn stuff earlier than their parents hope they will, and almost always in a way their parents won't like. It's better to get it out in the open early so that it can be presented appropriately.



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04 Mar 2005, 1:04 am

Jetson wrote:
Bec wrote:
1PeaceMaker wrote:
Don't insult yourself. I know, I have done too much of that myself, but don't beat yourself up the way NTs have trained you to. God knows why this happened, and you probably did the kid a favor.
I disagree. If parents want to keep information from their child, especially when that child is young, their choice should be respected. This has nothing to do with NTs training anybody, it has to do with common courtesy.

There's a lot to be said for allowing parents to raise their own children. At the same time, I can say from personal experience that kids will learn stuff earlier than their parents hope they will, and almost always in a way their parents won't like. It's better to get it out in the open early so that it can be presented appropriately.


I agree with you. I have met kids who were about 13 and they were diagnosed with AS. They had no clue, their parents didn't want to tell them. I don't think it is right to keep the information from your kids, but parents should be respected for the way they choose to raise them. I don't think it is right for other people to undermine someone's parenting.



1PeaceMaker
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04 Mar 2005, 1:27 pm

Bec wrote:
1PeaceMaker wrote:
Don't insult yourself. I know, I have done too much of that myself, but don't beat yourself up the way NTs have trained you to. God knows why this happened, and you probably did the kid a favor.
I disagree. If parents want to keep information from their child, especially when that child is young, their choice should be respected. This has nothing to do with NTs training anybody, it has to do with common courtesy.


Bec, let me clear something up. I was merely saying that we Aspies tend to be very hard on ourselves for doing something that we would rather not have done, as Eva did.

I was not saying that she or anyone else should circumvent a parent's wishes regarding their children. Far from that. But the parents shouldn't let Eva and her son feel bad for something that THEY could have easily prevented by plain speaking. It seems that it was a setup, because they knew Eva would have no way of knowing better, via suble body-language, between the lines, or unwritten social-rules type manuevers.

If they wanted her to keep it quiet, they should have just said so. It seems that they just didn't have the stones to tell their child themselves, and they therefore just abdecated their responsibility in a passive manner. And then, to smooth over their self/deception/denial of their own parenting problem, they act all shocked, as though Eva could possibly be blamed for what she didn't know.

Now I could be wrong, and perhaps Eva's friends just weren't using their thinking caps. But then that is their fault, their spilt milk, and their responsibility. If Eva KNEW and then deliberatly went against the parent's wishes, well, that's different, but I think you get my point by now.

Eva shouldn't beat herself up for what she couldn't change, and she shouldn't be ashamed for being the way she is, either, and neither should her son.



1PeaceMaker
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04 Mar 2005, 1:50 pm

Bec wrote:
1PeaceMaker wrote:
I would have wanted to know, but I know that have a dx would mean my parental rights being threatened by other's prejudace.


Just out of curiosity, 1PeaceMaker, what parental rights would be threatened? What could people do to you?


My parental rights, in general could be threatened by CPS. They have already done this to Aspie parents, just for being aspies.

Check this out:

Quote:
The "suggested guidelines of 'helping' AS adults" recommend that the main service for AS parents should be regular mandated home
inspections by *psychiatric* nurses under immediate default assumption that they are unfit parents...and constant readiness to snatch their children away into foster care.


Is that prejudicial, or what? That is a violation of my families civil rights, as far as I am concerned.

Bec wrote:
1PeaceMaker wrote:
The world isn't a friendly place for us, yet.

1PeaceMaker wrote:
We are still being discriminated against.


What? The world isn't a very friendly place for anyone. Most of the people I know, are totally accepting of AS. The people who don't understand you probably have no idea what AS is! So where is this discrimination, you speak of, coming from?


It comes from where the money flows. CAN, DAN, ABA... you name it. These are not services FOR aspies, these are services to please their unaccepting parents/families, and the money hungry industry.

They want to cure the world of people like us, and they want Big Brother to help them.



merien_took
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04 Mar 2005, 2:01 pm

PeaceMaker,

Where does that quote come from? I'm not doubting you, I'm just interested in reading about that myself.



1PeaceMaker
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04 Mar 2005, 2:15 pm

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&p=20628#20628

I actually got it from another board "AutAdvo" @ yahoo.
But, before I got my membership here I posted this quote from that site as a guest. It would take me forever to find the origional post. I'm sorry. I hate the yahoo group format, it is just way too awkward.