I tell myself engagement, not conformity. And that might be as much a slogan or saying as anything else, but I think it's a pretty good one.
I've been disappointed by people many times. Perhaps the biggest was when I engaged in peace activism during the first Gulf War in 1990-91. We were questioning people, we were people not afraid of being different, people who liked ideas. We were even taking risks together, being put on an FBI list or being attacked by counter protestors while the police do nothing, whether likely or not, these risks were present. Up to that time I had been studying philosophy and theories of ethics such as utilitarianism and Kantianism which have more overlap than commonly viewed, and both lead to a humanitarian approach of trying to make the world a better place, as opposed to various forms of authoritarianism.
Well, I ended up kind of a preacher. I thought I was smarter than the average activist and had more to contribute. Well, in the areas I'm smart in, I probably am. But those are not the only areas. I had considerable success making a table that had peace books, books against domestic violence, a few of the better philosophy books, and photocopied newspaper articles. I did poorly in one-on-one conversations and bending a person's ear on my big topics. So, such a series of petty freeze-ups in which the person is not really interested in what I have to say and just wants to get away from me, I missed the occasions someone was interested in me and all I had to do was be open to that. I tried too hard. I came on too strong. For as I later realized, it's not just about being right. It's about helping to build and contribute to a team and be a coach.