My ASD and paranoia

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I feel that as a complication of my ASD I have developed a relatively jaded, cynical, and paranoid personality over the years. When I say paranoia I don't mean I hear voices, I mean I typically just don't trust other people. I probably got it from people screwing with me in middle school and to a lesser extent high school. I've always been really vulnerable to deception but after awhile I discovered that I could effectively bypassing all that by not letting anybody get in close to deceive me to begin with. Even with those closest to me I feel a foreboding impression of finiteness, and henceforth I tend to feel that I must love myself more than I love other people because I'm the only one who will definitely be there for me in the end. I also feel that due to my high level of intelligence and ability to self reflect and think deeply on things, I have a sense of superiority that I carry around. I don't like playing peoples' games is the thing. It's never just cut and dry and that is irritating. But what better place to air all this out than here where somebody else may have ended up the same way. Maybe I'm missing something.

"Just because I'm paranoid does not mean that they are not out to get me."
I used to assume that the people I met were better than what turned out to be the average, and have been getting cynical like yourself only recently. Given that most people think that they are better than average, they were much more likely to live up to it if my wording and manner agreed. People can't rise to an intellectual challenge, but they easily take on a moral one in order to be thought well of. Plus, doing the right thing can be less trouble, if they are not feeling inspired to take any on. So, always put on your best McDonald's smile if you can manage it. Realize that a person behind a counter would probably rather be elsewhere and is putting up with a lot already, and make it better if you can.
People respond to non-verbal cues very strongly. If someone asks how you are, and you say "Fairly suicidal, thanks!" in a bright, cheerful tone, they won't register the second word. I once walked right into a high-security area because I was so casual about it that the guard assumed I had pre-approval.
There are some hazards out there you don't want to arouse. One is prejudice, so you should do what you have to to blend in reasonably well. Another is stupid people. There are always jokes about them, but they get back at us for it when they can. The TSA hates jokes, because they can't always understand them.
Dunning-Kruger syndrome is rampant. People grow up assuming that their brains are as mature as anyone's by the time they could become parents. They cheat their way through school and into jobs, where they gang up to get rid of anyone who might show them up for the fakers and fools they are. If you have a hundred engineers in a building working on a problem, and you walk in with a simple solution, you are seen as nothing but a threat to their mortgages.
For the big threats to worry about, see Greta Thunberg. For the immediate future, be a germophobe. I'm practising early here.

I have had this overcorrection issue. Since my diagnoses I have been better because I understand that this is a problem.

Self-isolation can be a useful strategy when used selectively. If you think of life experiences as either pluses or minuses, sometimes achieving zero can be a success. However, there is a danger of allowing comfort and convenience to endorse almost complete isolation and rob one of possible positive experiences.

One method to manage this is to define what might be called "spheres of proximity" and only allow people access to closer spheres after having demonstrated worthiness. For example a family member that is caustic might be moved to a peripheral sphere in your mind so that their influence is seldom encountered.

If one assigns risk to the closer spheres, those who would ask for money, time, emotional investment, or other resources can be allowed closer proximity if they have demonstrated that they can be mostly trusted.

Because the definition and management of various spheres can be taxing, many simply use two spheres (self and others) to protect themselves. However, having multiple spheres allows one to have a more functional social life. For example, I might allow time to be allocated for a coworker to inquire as to his family or recent activities without risking any money or even sharing politics or religion (two areas in which one can easily be attacked).

In situations (spheres) where risk is lower, one can afford to interact. If someone suddenly demonstrates a character deficiency, the effect should be negligible as they have not been allowed access to inner spheres were they could inflict greater damage.

The "sphere" approach does not guarantee that one will experience only positive encounters, but it can greatly buffer the negative ones.

I once counseled a guy who felt inhibited in asking a girl out because of his fear of rejection. I asked him to consider the worst possible reaction such as her laughing at him and inviting public ridicule in response to his inquiry. His reaction might be to say, "Thank you for so quickly and completely demonstrating to me your character. It saves a lot of time and money to discover your true self."

Another example of dealing with people on the periphery was given to me by a guy I once worked for. He said, "There are some people who do not exist in my universe". While, when taken to an extreme, this view could be delusional, it does demonstrate that keeping toxic people at a distance is a good survival skill.

The problem arises when you treat everyone as toxic. It is easy but lonely.

It's the B&W thinking (that I didn't think I did, but now after diagnosis, I see that I do). I am the overly trusting type (glaring white) and yet … it's right there - the switch to overly protecting (darkest black) ----- heck if I can find middle ground. I'm exploring how to set boundaries with an abusive (or toxic) sister and with abusive (or toxic) work mgmt. --- my instinct is to switch the relationships to "off". And yet, I am oddly proud of being the vulnerable chump which is why I keep the switch "on" instead of "off". Still, I also would like to find middle ground. I was really paranoid around my mgmt last year and recently I see they are just idiots (or not?). See? No help here.

^^ I can never tell if I'm dealing with malevolence or incompetence. I think the former pretends to be the latter, and finds allies there.