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Learning to laugh?

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MrJosh
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25 May 2012, 7:03 pm

Hi!

I have this issue where, I can find something funny, but I won't necessarily laugh. I can still be really enjoying it, but I don't laugh.

This was an issue especially at school. I clearly remember one day, we were watching a sitcom (it was on one of the days leading up to the end of term) and everyone was laughing at the funny parts, I actually think in that type of environment everyone exagerates their laughing, anyway people were laughing and I was enjoing the show and finding it funny but I just wasn't vocally laughing.

So someone asked me why I wasn't laughing - asking was I bored? not finding it funny? not enjoying it?

I said that I was enjoying it and finding it funny, then they asked why I wasn't laughing....

This wasn't the first this actually happened and I found that it's not necessarily socially acceptable not to laugh in the appropriate situations and have, over the time, 'learned' how to laugh a bit better.

I still don't necessarily always laugh appropriately, and as I enjoy seeing stand up comedy, this is a clear issue.

Does anyone else have this issue? How did/do you cope with it?



Atomsk
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25 May 2012, 7:30 pm

I have the opposite problem. I laugh too much, or at things that others don't find funny at all, whether they are just neutral things or bad things.

Here's an example: last semester, the teacher I was doing teacher assistant work for was talking about how the school district messed up once again getting her computer fixed, so she couldn't do grades and it was nearing end of the semester. I laughed, mainly because it was so predictable for the school district to mess up like that, but she got angry and said it wasn't funny.

I have plenty of other stories like this. I just seem to find a lot of unusual and inappropriate things funny. I also will often laugh when I don't know what to do or say in a situation.



FishStickNick
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25 May 2012, 7:41 pm

Some stuff can and does make me laugh. With some stuff, though, I comprehend the humor or find it funny/amusing, but I don't laugh; I can think of a number of such instances...

Then there are the occasional instances where I have to hide my laughter because I find something funny--but I'm the only one in the room to do so.



LogiXYZ
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25 May 2012, 7:51 pm

First up you remind me of me 15 years ago. I did the same thing, I learned to get past the laughing ...

MrJosh wrote:
This wasn't the first this actually happened and I found that it's not necessarily socially acceptable not to laugh in the appropriate situations and have, over the time, 'learned' how to laugh a bit better.

I still don't necessarily always laugh appropriately, and as I enjoy seeing stand up comedy, this is a clear issue.

Does anyone else have this issue? How did/do you cope with it?

I did it because I thought it wasn't acceptable and I wasn't sure when it was right or not. I'm sure your initial reaction is that I'm wrong, but consider this ... I felt the same at the time it took me 4 years to even realize it.

You say you like standup comedy. Try the following (when alone, because you won't be able to underwise), put your favorite comedian on (preferable something you haven't seen before, if you have seen everything pick your second best comedian ... it has to be something you haven't seen before). When you hear something funny ... force yourself to laugh. And don't care about how you sound, just fake the laughing sound. Soon the audible laugh will come natural.

When the sound is natural you don't have to care about laughing where everybody else is laughing, NTs are somewhat limited AS people actually can see a joke in places where the comedian didn't expect a laugh, or perhaps he will value your laugh because he is in fact an AS himself (you'd be surprised how many standup comedians actually are). And having you detect the joke nobody else does will probably make his day.

These days I can sit in a cinema full of people and be the only one laughing at a specific point because I found a joke, whether or not it was intended ... I don't care if it was intended, it was still funny to me.

It sounds to me like your to concerned about what people are thinking about your laughing patterns ... I was too and it really took all the fun out of it. One day I just decided that I didn't cared about what people was thinking and then things really started to get funny.

Take this advice from someone who is actually trying to be a professional comedian...



MrJosh
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26 May 2012, 7:36 am

LogiXYZ wrote:
First up you remind me of me 15 years ago. I did the same thing, I learned to get past the laughing ...

MrJosh wrote:
This wasn't the first this actually happened and I found that it's not necessarily socially acceptable not to laugh in the appropriate situations and have, over the time, 'learned' how to laugh a bit better.

I still don't necessarily always laugh appropriately, and as I enjoy seeing stand up comedy, this is a clear issue.

Does anyone else have this issue? How did/do you cope with it?

I did it because I thought it wasn't acceptable and I wasn't sure when it was right or not. I'm sure your initial reaction is that I'm wrong, but consider this ... I felt the same at the time it took me 4 years to even realize it.

You say you like standup comedy. Try the following (when alone, because you won't be able to underwise), put your favorite comedian on (preferable something you haven't seen before, if you have seen everything pick your second best comedian ... it has to be something you haven't seen before). When you hear something funny ... force yourself to laugh. And don't care about how you sound, just fake the laughing sound. Soon the audible laugh will come natural.

When the sound is natural you don't have to care about laughing where everybody else is laughing, NTs are somewhat limited AS people actually can see a joke in places where the comedian didn't expect a laugh, or perhaps he will value your laugh because he is in fact an AS himself (you'd be surprised how many standup comedians actually are). And having you detect the joke nobody else does will probably make his day.

These days I can sit in a cinema full of people and be the only one laughing at a specific point because I found a joke, whether or not it was intended ... I don't care if it was intended, it was still funny to me.

It sounds to me like your to concerned about what people are thinking about your laughing patterns ... I was too and it really took all the fun out of it. One day I just decided that I didn't cared about what people was thinking and then things really started to get funny.

Take this advice from someone who is actually trying to be a professional comedian...


I don't think your wrong at all - infact I think you've actually totally got the situation. :)

I am concerned in a way about how my laughing patterns are seen, not so much as I used to be, but it can still be an issue (There was an identical situation like the one I shared in my OP a couple of years ago when I was in a comedy club.)

I'll definitely give your suggestion a try too!

Strangely, I do have an issue with laughing at inappropriate times too though, like others have mentioned here.

:)



Dots
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26 May 2012, 4:56 pm

I have had the same experience as the OP.

I didn't realize that it was normal to laugh out loud at sitcoms or funny movies and television. It wasn't until my early 20's when I had friends for the first time, we would watch TV together and they would ask me why I never laughed.

I laugh a little more often now, I think I needed to realize that people laughed out loud and then it became something I could do, but I still don't laugh very much. I don't really care if people think I'm not having fun - it's more exhausting and less fun to try and make myself seem socially appropriate.


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Outofsync
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26 May 2012, 5:00 pm

I would sit stone-faced watching something I thoroughly enjoyed, or reading the comics I thought were hilarious, etc. I just processed and appreciated it without external emotion. I still do sometimes, but now I will laugh out loud at things. Took me around 40 years to, though. I developed a sense of humor (deadpan) around the age of 30 and people remarked on how I finally did. Became actually very funny and people love it and think I'm hilarious when I do it.


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MrJosh
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26 May 2012, 5:21 pm

Dots wrote:
I have had the same experience as the OP.

I didn't realize that it was normal to laugh out loud at sitcoms or funny movies and television. It wasn't until my early 20's when I had friends for the first time, we would watch TV together and they would ask me why I never laughed.

I laugh a little more often now, I think I needed to realize that people laughed out loud and then it became something I could do, but I still don't laugh very much. I don't really care if people think I'm not having fun - it's more exhausting and less fun to try and make myself seem socially appropriate.


I agree, I also find though that it takes the fun out of it when people ask 'are you enjoying this/are you not enjoying this?' 'why arent you laughing?' etc etc...

[quote=Outofsync]I would sit stone-faced watching something I thoroughly enjoyed, or reading the comics I thought were hilarious, etc. I just processed and appreciated it without external emotion. I still do sometimes, but now I will laugh out loud at things. Took me around 40 years to, though. I developed a sense of humor (deadpan) around the age of 30 and people remarked on how I finally did. Became actually very funny and people love it and think I'm hilarious when I do it.[/quote]

That's basically what it was (and still is, to an extent) like for me. I absolutely loved a TV sitcom when I was a teenager, I watched it repeatedly and was (and still am) fairly knowledgable (searching the internet to findout all the info I could on it etc! I found it funny and I really enjoyed the storyline. However, I would watch it with an almost blank face most of the time - I guess I'd be staring at the screen really...



bettalove
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27 May 2012, 12:42 am

In the past people have (wrongly) accused me of being depressed because I haven't known how to respond in happy or funny situations. I've had to practice cuing myself to smile and laugh when people around me do.


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