Getting angry when people don't answer you

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Joe90
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04 Jun 2012, 4:37 pm

I don't mean on the phone or anything, I mean in general. Like just now I was cleaning my teeth in the bathroom and my mum came in and wanted to have a bath and so she waited for me to come out, and after I finished cleaning my teeth I said something to her (can't remember what it was, but it was a rant about something), and as I was saying it she was shutting the door and didn't answer at all, not even a ''yes'', and I'm sorry but I always feel anger in me when I'm saying something to someone and they intentionally don't give an answer, whether what I'm saying is boring or not, I still even like at least a ''mm-hmm'' or something like that. So I felt like laying on the floor screaming and kicking the bathroom door in and letting her know how frustrating it is for me (as an Aspie) when people don't acknowledge to me by even just giving a murmur of agreement. I just feel like something is unfinished when this happens. I don't know why.

Instead of dealing with it like a 2-year-old, I just ran down the stairs and straight back on my laptop to write this, but as I think about the situation I still feel the pressure of anger in my lower abdomen (because that's where anger seems to sit with me), and I just feel I want to flare up, but I'm not, and hopefully it will past very soon. Does anyone else get this?


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kBillingsley
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04 Jun 2012, 4:44 pm

I think that not acknowledging someone is just rude and so everyone gets pissed when ignored. Just respond in kind and ignore her for a little while until she understands how irksome that is. If you were drawing the bath, though, maybe she simply did not hear you.



Joe90
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04 Jun 2012, 4:56 pm

kBillingsley wrote:
I think that not acknowledging someone is just rude and so everyone gets pissed when ignored. Just respond in kind and ignore her for a little while until she understands how irksome that is. If you were drawing the bath, though, maybe she simply did not hear you.


She did hear me, I was almost speaking in her ear. I could sense she just couldn't be bothered to answer, since it wasn't a very good time to rant, and I sort of understand that but even so I still don't feel right when people don't give an answer, just to finish the rant off. Anyway I thought not hearing voices with background noise was just an Aspie trait (as said on WP quite a lot) and my mum's NT?


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questor
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04 Jun 2012, 6:03 pm

If you were ranting, then she didn't want to deal with you while you were ranting, which is perfectly understandable. I don't want to deal with others when they are ranting, either. So ease up on your mother. She's probably fed up and tired of your ranting. Ranting increases stress in the ranter, and in those who have to listen to it, so try to cut down on the rants. They are not helpful, and actually make things worse.


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04 Jun 2012, 6:08 pm

Some people think if they don't acknowledge that you feel bad you will just not feel bad, yeah it pisses me off to and then I want to punch whatever inanimate object I see first. Not that, that makes it any better but its hard not to. I mean sometimes if someone says something I might not know what to say but I usually still acknowledge they said something, but I wouldn't deliberately ignore someone unless they were trying to harass me or something.


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edgewaters
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04 Jun 2012, 6:18 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Does anyone else get this?


No, but I do it from time to time. I start thinking and I keep thinking and the time just flies by and then I realize while I was thinking, I've started doing something else and I haven't responded yet. Or, if someone rants or gets dramatic, I just leave without a word, because I can't handle high levels of emotion.



tjr1243
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04 Jun 2012, 6:22 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Does anyone else get this?


Can relate. When someone doesn't answer, like a clerk not saying "have a nice day" and just saying nothing after you've said "thank you", it leaves a vaguely unsettling feeling. In some situations, like the one you describe, it could cause anger because a rant often means you've shared yourself and your feelings about something. It is hurtful when someone doesn't even acknowledge that you've spoken.



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04 Jun 2012, 6:41 pm

Joe90, when are you planning to move out of the house and into your own place?

I can't help but shake my head at the frequency of your new threads and how every little problem needs to be posted and answered to validate your feeling good about yourself.

And if somebody doesn't answer, I don't get all huffy and run over to my computer to post about it post haste on a forum. Instead I think: That jerk!

EDIT: Don't mean to come off harsh. But you have a lovely brain. Your ability to use a computer shows you have problem-solving capabilities. Going through life by getting angry over the smallest things -- and especially mad at your mother -- nobody is stopping you. But doing so is wasting your energy, souring your outlook on life, and not getting you any closer to coping with life. And believe me, life is full of huge, genuine disappointments and not merely minor and imagined tiffs.

So whatever you can do to change your attitude so it's not always "Me me me!" -- please do it. We Aspies have a hard time empathizing and seeing other people's points of views. Maybe you can start to see things from your mother's POV. You could start by asking her if she thought you were mad when you left the 'loo. And then not get angry if she says No.



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04 Jun 2012, 7:25 pm

I've had the desire to stab people who did that to me :lol:


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jhighl
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04 Jun 2012, 9:36 pm

Yeah it drives me crazy.



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04 Jun 2012, 10:13 pm

Warsie wrote:
I've had the desire to stab people who did that to me :lol:


Same here.


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reecare
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05 Jun 2012, 12:08 am

Most people don't listen to anything I say, ever. and it's one of the most hurtful aspects of my life.



Dillogic
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05 Jun 2012, 12:45 am

Not at all.



Joe90
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05 Jun 2012, 4:00 am

Bunnynose wrote:
Joe90, when are you planning to move out of the house and into your own place?

I can't help but shake my head at the frequency of your new threads and how every little problem needs to be posted and answered to validate your feeling good about yourself.

And if somebody doesn't answer, I don't get all huffy and run over to my computer to post about it post haste on a forum. Instead I think: That jerk!

EDIT: Don't mean to come off harsh. But you have a lovely brain. Your ability to use a computer shows you have problem-solving capabilities. Going through life by getting angry over the smallest things -- and especially mad at your mother -- nobody is stopping you. But doing so is wasting your energy, souring your outlook on life, and not getting you any closer to coping with life. And believe me, life is full of huge, genuine disappointments and not merely minor and imagined tiffs.

So whatever you can do to change your attitude so it's not always "Me me me!" -- please do it. We Aspies have a hard time empathizing and seeing other people's points of views. Maybe you can start to see things from your mother's POV. You could start by asking her if she thought you were mad when you left the 'loo. And then not get angry if she says No.


Well I think coming on to the computer and expressing how I felt about the situation is better than taking the situation like a toddler and having a tantrum over it. Instead I left the bathroom calmly, and it saved an upset for my mum and my brother and my cat, so really I calmly came on here to stop me from upsetting other people, and my mum had a nice soak in the bath and went to bed happily, and I didn't bring up the situation again.

What am I supposed to move out on? Shirt buttons? I can't afford it, I am on job-seekers looking for a job, I apply for suitable jobs every week and they won't take me on, I'm very sorry and don't start suggesting all these courses and things I can do to help me get into employment because I've been there and done that.

I won't make any more new threads on WP ever again.


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edgewaters
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05 Jun 2012, 6:00 am

Joe90 wrote:
Well I think coming on to the computer and expressing how I felt about the situation is better than taking the situation like a toddler and having a tantrum over it. Instead I left the bathroom calmly, and it saved an upset for my mum and my brother and my cat, so really I calmly came on here to stop me from upsetting other people, and my mum had a nice soak in the bath and went to bed happily, and I didn't bring up the situation again.


Lot of people related to what you were saying and I wouldn't mind having a discussion about it and you did the right thing, I think. So never mind that one poster's input was what it was, people are allowed to be wrong sometimes. Just one opinion. Take it for what it is, one person's opinion.

I don't agree entirely with your attitude about it, but I do think you did the right thing if this helped you to avoid an unpleasant scenario for everyone.



Joe90
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05 Jun 2012, 8:58 am

edgewaters wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Well I think coming on to the computer and expressing how I felt about the situation is better than taking the situation like a toddler and having a tantrum over it. Instead I left the bathroom calmly, and it saved an upset for my mum and my brother and my cat, so really I calmly came on here to stop me from upsetting other people, and my mum had a nice soak in the bath and went to bed happily, and I didn't bring up the situation again.


Lot of people related to what you were saying and I wouldn't mind having a discussion about it and you did the right thing, I think. So never mind that one poster's input was what it was, people are allowed to be wrong sometimes. Just one opinion. Take it for what it is, one person's opinion.

I don't agree entirely with your attitude about it, but I do think you did the right thing if this helped you to avoid an unpleasant scenario for everyone.


I did point out already that it was the wrong time to start ranting to my mum about some random thing in the bathroom just when she's about to have a bath, but I was just saying how I felt about it, and I also pointed out that I avoided having an outburst out of nothing, to save my mum getting upset.

That was not aimed at you by the way, I just agreed with what you wrote and thought I'll dress it up a bit.


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