Good afternoon, everyone.

Post Reply New Topic

Good afternoon. I'm not sure where I should be typing this, or even if I should be posting this, but maybe I'll figure something out, with a little help from y'all.

I'm 24, and I'm beginning to wonder if AS is what's different about me. I've always been different; even from an early age. I taught myself how to read, although I've always had a problem using words in spontaneous speech. I was always sort of aloof or distant from most people, though never completely anti-social - I enjoy having just a few good friends and only dealing with those people. Dealing with too many people seems overwhelming on some level. I do tend to take OTHERS' sarcasm at face value way too often if they say it with a normal expression and voice, despite me having a strong understanding (and usage) of sarcasm, irony, metaphor, simile, or plain old analogy. (My use of language is good on the keyboard, but terrible in person.)

I have trouble fitting into society because I've always been a night owl (even before I acquired such distractions as video game consoles, etc;) and I work (and think) very slowly and methodically. I'm in no way stupid, but it's always bothered me how reflexive some people can be, and how I seem to just be *out there* even when a situation calls for immediate action, in comparison; this isn't quite as bad as I prefer to do my work slowly, methodically, sequentially, right the first time, and not around people. I'm generally friendly, but I just find dealing with people exhausting - perhaps because I am friendly.

I'm a mixed bag when it comes to empathy. I'm really emotional, and am capable of crying a lot when emotionally-charged, but yet...I remember forcing myself to cry at my cousin's funeral several years back. I suppose I only really cry when I'm closer to someone, whether they're family or a romantic interest.

I also believe I have ADD/ADHD, so this gives me another hurdle to cross. I have to constantly be doing something, and that something is different every hour.

It's just frustrating, not fitting in anywhere. I've given up looking for jobs that require quick thinking and reflexes (fry cook) or being "social" and trying to get people to buy into something (telemarketing). and that doesn't leave me with much. I wouldn't mind being a janitor, but I don't have experience. (At this point, I'm convinced that I need to find something that is a fit to me, not something I need to force myself to fit into like a puzzle piece from a different puzzle.)

I'm going to college, but for what, I don't know. I was taking Entrepreneurship with the idea that I could start up my own pizza shop someday. One day as a fry cook convinced me that no matter where I go, food is expected five minutes ago. I can't do it...so I guess I'm going back to what I originally went to school for, which is graphic arts. I've tried to cope, but I would like to start my own life; old coping mechanisms need thrown out in favor of new ones, I guess.

Any input or advice is much-welcomed, and I apologize again if this post is somehow inappropriate.